Life is a big bag of confusion. And the times where you really want something to happen but you're not totally sure if its right for you and you don't know who to talk to about it because very few people would understand... Those are confusing times. Like, part of me thinks this is ridiculous and I am just making this decision based on nothing. But the other part of me is like duh.. this is so obvious and has been staring you in the face all your life and at last its being seen. I guess its all just really intimidating.. and I feel so young and unsure of things but at the same time so.. pleased with the potential here. My brain is like.. constantly spinning about based on this topic. I just wish it wasn't such a big deal!! I mean.. I guess I am making it a big deal but I feel like most other people would too.. idk. Its weird.
But it excites me.
I guess its just something I will have to give a shot at and see what happens. It might be the best thing ever, but it might end up being something I regret a lot.
Time will tell yo.
/weird confusion-based rant.
You're not supposed to know what that is about, and if you ask I will not tell you. I'm just trying to figure out some things right now...and its really confusing.
And on top of that confusion, I am also trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I am pretty sure at this point that if I like the au pair thing, I will definitely do it in at least one other city than Verona. Possibly Paris, if I end up loving Paris when I go there for New Years. But I really want to spend some time in London as well.
Lately I have been tossing around the idea of going to grad school.. my interest in law is kind of resurfacing lately (watching too much People's Court I guess) but I have always been interested in psychology.. but the more I think about it the more I think that television would be an ideal career for me. Like, I have always been in love with tv. As Erin would say, I was raised by a television. Which is not true at all. I did watch a lot of tv as a kid though, and watch a lot (although its online) to this day. I would love to be like.. a producer or an actor or a host of some kind... who knows. I would not know AT ALL how to get started in such a field though. I feel like that's the kind of thing you have to jump into when you're young or else you'll never get where you want to be. And with me leaving the country, its not like I could pursue it NOW.. especially since I have no idea when I will be back for good.
Bag of confusion. And its not even a normal bag.. its one of those Mary Poppins bags where finally you get to the end of one thing, and as soon as you stick your hand back in there, you find something else ridiculous.
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