life is good.

WHADDUP!?!??!


Life is good.
Classes started this week.. they are fine. Normal. You know how it is.
Friends are amazing.
I'll get back to that point later.


BUT. I AM GOING TO EFFING NYC THE WEEKEND BEFORE MY BDAY (which is the weekend of Oct. 4) to see my fav ever STACY LONDON!!! BUHHHHH!!!
I'm just so FRICKIN excited!!! lol.
I reallyyyyy hope I get to legit meet her and stuff... maybe get a photo... We shall try. And there will most def be a blog post summarizing that adventure when its through.


Also, I am going to Charlotte on Oct. 30 to see BERNADETTE PETERS IN CONCERT!!! She is my other fav. I met her once already, when I was in NYC as a high school freshman & saw her in 'Gypsy.' Waited at the stage door for like 45mins but it was SO worth it. Got autographs on my program & souvenir brochure and a pic! Annndddd needless to say, I will do my best to replicate that experience.


My goal, however, is to get 2 pics with both of them. One goofy and one normal & smiley. Idk how they will feel about this though... haha. Oh well. A girl can dream. :P


And now, its time for another round of semi-anonymous words for people who are amazing.


To the one who hates sweat,
You have absolutely no idea how much I appreciate our friendship. YOUR friendship. You are such a huge blessing to me. You inspire me literally every day. I admire your attitude of love for everyone and constant positivity. Plus, you love the Lord in such an incredible way. Its like He is so tangible to you ALL the time, and the spirit of God shines in you SO SO brightly. It makes me want to do better, and be better.
Hanging out with you makes me feel like I am worth something. Even though that is a ridiculous thing to say.
But nevertheless, thanks for always being ready to listen.
Love. <3


To the one who is back where she belongs,
I am so happy for and proud of you. You are SO SO amazing & talented. And I am extremely grateful to have you semi-back in my life!! You make me happy in a way that no one else really can. I need to see you soon. :) Love love love.

To the one who.. well.. hi there!
Uhm so yeah.. this is amazing. :) Glad you're here.

To the one who is far too far away from me this year,
Thanks for not REALLY leaving.. :)
<3

I don't really have anything more to say, but life is good, God is great, and well, let's just keep sailing.
Love to all.

letting go.

As a child, you played,
never losing your faith,
running and gliding in the wind.
Not a care in the world.
You wished and you waited,
you wondered what you could be.
Then you grow, you explore
but the world tells you no,
and it feels like a one way street.
You're lost, confused,
slowly getting bruised.
Wanting the future to brighten before you.
But there, you see,
the light comes ahead.
A glimmer of hope lies with leaving the nest.
You leave, you cry,
you look back behind,
but the way to your home is gone.
And all you can see,
is a dark moonlit sky,
so you walk on straight ahead.
And you hear what they tell you,
but you were told something else,
and you never know what to believe.
Trying everything, waiting patiently,
you look in the mirror and cry.
But suddenly you find what's been there all along,
and you start to hear all that they say.
You see yourself on the screen,
and you hardly believe,
but the truth is setting you free.
Then, there, you see,
everything you can be,
and the sunlight shines again.
And finally you know
it was there all the time,
the power was inside of you;
you just have to let go.
So you wake up with a smile,
and have faith in your best,
the potential just building,
you're as good as the rest.
The dream lies ahead,
you believe all they've said,
and you walk outside and you're proud.
The future shines bright,
and you know it will work,
so you reach for the stars,
and accept what seemed wrong,
and you finally find out that you're here,
you're where you belong.

"Its time to let go of whatever you were and take hold of what you are." -Stacy London.
<3

[That poem thing was inspired by the quote below, and originally it wasn't going to be about me but somehow it became slightly autobiographical. That is all.]

party in the usa

Just because everything's changing
doesn't mean its never been this way before.

True that.

Its like the state of being in flux has become so familiar that its normal.

Just an observation. :)

Also, to be a complete subject jumper, this quote I found on someone's blog today is HILAR.
"Clinton Kelly was cool and all, but we all know its all about Stacy London!"

True that!

Twitter is my bff. Because you can make connections with people SO easily on twitter. It is incredible. I appreciate whoever invented that site.

So anyway, here I go.
Jumping into the insanity.

..& the DJ plays my song & I feel alright.. :)

EEEEK!!!

OK THIS JUST IN!
STACY LONDON REPLIED AGAIN!!

IT WENT AS FOLLOWS:
me: @stacylondonsays just want you to know that i admire you SO MUCH. you change peoples lives every day from the outside in & (cont.)
@stacylondonsays (cont) you make them believe in their own potential. & because of you, i believe in mine. :) <3<3<3
her: @luvthekellster You GO GIRL! Believe in who you are!

I love her.
This vlog thing is looking better...

shut-up!

So, Stacy London twittered at me. I am just a genuis at this whole celebrity twitter thing.. lol. You have to pick the random celebs though, cuz you all know that Miley sho ain't about to be replying to all those 12year old tweeters!!! lol.

Nevertheless, it went as follows:
me: @stacylondonsays does not tweet enough but she is the goddess of all that is classy & fashionable so you should all follow her too. :)
her: @luvthekellster It's hard to tweet on vaca! Promise to try and tweet more!
me: @StacyLondonSays haha its alright. twitter will survive. :) you just HAVE FUN & continue being awesome.
So, def not a big deal but, she is amazing. And I said more to her that I will share with you all when/if she replies again... it was a completely different thing. buh. anyway.

This blog is weird...
I move back in at school THURSDAY BUHHH! And I spent the entire day yesterday packing, then today chillin with my biffle Catherine and then cleaning, and will spend tomorrow doing laundry, getting lunch with LINDA&TERRY who are amazing, then running some errands... good Lord. The lack of rest I am getting this week is going to carry over into next week when classes start and then, as always, my brain is going to explode.
Ah, normalcy.

In other news, I am considering.. somewhat considering... making vlogs again. Nothing has been posted on my youtube channel in MONTHS and even though this would be like.. for a very immature/selfish/ridiculous reason (to be revealed later), I think I might do it anyway. Maybe I'll just film something and then see how I feel about posting it or not.

we shall see.

I kinda have more on my mind but I wanna stop because my brain is no longer functioning. lol.
GIVE ME FEEDBACK ON THE WHOLE 'TO VLOG OR NOT TO VLOG' THING!!

the girl i mean to be;

The person I want to be is so close and yet so far from who I am. The image of that stong, indepent Manhattan woman has always been who I want to be. She is financially indepent, loves her job, has a ton of amazing friends, goes to tons of glamorous parties, hob-nobs with B list celebrities, all that great stuff.
But am I ever going to be that person? Who ever knows.

In the meanwhile...
I know where I am going and I know where I've been.
I have dreams and goals and aspirations that I will do anything to see met.

ANYWAY, let's move on to the fact that I have had this blog for about 8months and have just now exposed it to so many more people... well.
I don't really know why that is.. I guess, at that time, I needed a specific little place that was just my own that no one knew about, so that I could sort out my own thoughts. But, now, I think I am ready to let the world in. Even though in this case "world" probably refers to like.. the five of you who are my bffs irl. ;D But hey, for what its worth, my blog has gone public.

Feel free, & actually, if you're bored, I would love for you to go back into the blog's archives, read some past entries & post a comment in the TAG BOARD!!! :D
I love getting people's thoughts on my writing... & my life.

Oh, & if you think you know who/what I'm talking about in some of the entries where I'm trying to be discrete, don't EVEN think you're right. Because you are so not.
You don't know me like you think you do. Unless your name is Jamie Muffett.

That is all.
<3

fabulous people, fabulous;

Can we just talk about Stacy London?! Yes? OK LETS TALK ABOUT HER. This woman is flippin amazing. First of all, everyone already knows that she is hilarious and a fashion guru. BUT, she also has that incredible NATURAL grey streak in her hair that she got when she was 11 years old. The good Lord clearly prepared her early to be incredibly awesome & sophistocated. She suffered from psoriasis when she was a kid too, which I can relate too... as I had some WEIRD skin problems when I was like 11-12 that my ass-hole doctor was very much unable to help with.. and then of course there was the hellish acne. BUH. ANYWAY, Stacy London. Win. ALSO, she has been basically every size from zero to SIXTEEN!! Personally, I cannot imagine this woman as overweight at all, but it is SO amazing that, according to her, she was able to love her body at every size. I want self-esteem like that.

Personal goal that will most likely never happen; work for/with Stacy London someday. Anyone from TLC out there? Need a 'What not to Wear' intern?? Personal assistant for Ms. London??



Then there is this hot piece of work.

The amazing & beautiful Mr. Clinton Kelly. He is the ONLY arrogant person in the universe that is able to delight me. I really despise people who think highly of themselves, but this man, for some reason, is able to remain so charming whilst doing so. I guess its because he loves himself, but he also loves everyone else, and believes in the beauty of every woman. That is one of my favorite things about gay men. Just sayin. Anyway, I need to read his book RIGHT NOW. :)

That's all folks. Just had to get you on the same page with the recent LOVESOFMYLIFE.

&btw,
Shirley Temple=most precious child that ever happened. :)

these lights are killing me;

In short, this summer has been an epic fail. Not enough traveling, not enough productivity, not enough fun, too much eating, too much internet, too much tv, too much being a COMPLETEANDUTTERIMBECILE.

That said; school this semester will be, I hope, the complete opposite. Stage managing a show, doing IV stuff, trying to still be in H2H, classes/homework, wanting to get a job, not having a meal plan, being determined to raise my GPA. All of those things will hopefully work out.

I have also failed at blogging lately.

The person I was & experiences I had (many of them, anyway) seem so surreal now. Its funny how memories fade as time goes by. I kind of hate it actually.
I guess for me, when it comes down to it, even if the memory is killing me, it is better than having nothing to hold on to.
I hate letting go of the people who made me who I am.

I feel like this is the song in your heart:
"I don't remember you, I don't remember you;
I don't recall a single thing we used to say or do.
What dancing the park? What laughter in the dark?
What smoldering fire place that lit your face with every spark?
& if I left you once before, somehow I can't recall it anymore.
That was another girl, you're not at all like her;
though for an instant when you touched me I believed you were.
But I was wrong, this moment is new,
because I can't, I won't,
I don't remember you."

& this is the song in mine:
"Sometimes a day goes by,
one whole entire day when I don't think of [you].
24 hours pass,
I look around & find that I haven't thought of [you].
Not even when I'm somewhere we used to go,
not even if that someone we used to know.
Its hardly every day, its most unusual; in fact,
I can't remember when, but
sometimes a day goes by
when I don't think of [you] till morning comes
& then,
there [you are] again."

ish anyway.
2 great songs btw.


"nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy."
thanks dr so&so on scrubs.
but i think kate voegele says it better
"& everything that's worth having comes with trials worth withstanding"

for the most part, life is decent.
but I am determined to make it better.
I want to become someone.
I just want one moment in time, or better still; I just want TIME, when I'm more than I thought I could be.