inside of me, I'll find my wings;

Well its almost the end of February! (How did this happen??) But I think that at long last my post-Poland travels are finalized. Now I just have to book my ticket home and tie up some loose ends here & there.. but I feel like I have all this at least relatively under control.
Destinations are as follows:
-London
-Edinburgh
-Dublin
-Galway (Ireland)
-NYC!
And to you Chapel Hill people, I do plan to spend a few days there after NYC, so get pumped. It'll be around the 20th of April.. like in that ballpark.

Anyway, today was a gorgeous day, so I went into the center of Sopot and spent some time on the beach & pier. It was SO windy but the sun was out and the high today was about 38 degrees, which is great for Poland in the winter!! haha. I took lots of pictures. It was just stunning out there today!

Then I went to the giant mall in Gdansk & walked around... I bought NOTHING which was lame but it was still fun.

When I got home, my host family had gone to some birthday party but they had left me some dinner which was great- meat breaded with host dad's special seasoning stuff, potatoes, and salad with host mom's homemade salad dressing!! SO tasty. And of course I made myself a latte as well. :)

Its been a good day. And tomorrow hopefully I will be slightly productive.
That's really all I have to say.

you have to be everything;

"...We drink coffee, a lot of it. We are on birth control, Prozac, and multivitamins…We are relentless, judgmental with ourselves, and forgiving to others. We never want to be as passive-aggressive are our mothers, never want to marry men as uninspired as our fathers…We are the daughters of the feminists who said 'You can be anything' and we heard 'You have to be everything.'" -Courtney E. Martin's "Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters"

..just thought this was an interesting and really relevant quote, as is the following:

“women our age are fighting a tougher battle than our mothers and grandmothers. they fought to be seen by men as more than decorative sexual objects, for the right not to be judged on their looks alone. our generation is supposed to be ceos, mothers, wives, expert lovers, have perfect bodies, run marathons, make a million dollars, be gourmet chefs, swing a golf club, never eat, never get tired. men of any generation have never been asked to do what feminism asks of us. we are multitaskers, but we’re not superhuman. the standard for what is expected of us, and what we expect of ourselves, is too high. we’re supposed to be all things to all people - and we wonder why we’re unhappy.” -Stacy London

we can burn brighter;

I think that I am going to just not do this whole Italy thing. Its become a much bigger hassle than I ever could have predicted. No good airlines fly there from Dublin... just my LEAST FAVORITE AIRLINE of all, and one other airline which is fine but they charge a lot of ridic fees. Then, the way the trains are scheduled, I would have to wait about 6 hours for a train and then deal with the same on the way back. Its just more money than I would like to spend, and prices on the flights there are going up as we speak. When I initially got this plan, they were cheaper.
Anyway, this will give me extra incentive to come to Europe again. There are many cities in Italy I would like to visit, so coming back will give me more time to do that, and perhaps go to other places like Amsterdam and Vienna and Cologne which I am skipping out on this time around. Maybe I'll au pair in Italy for a summer or something and do some traveling that way. We shall see.
All I know that right now, as it is very close to being March (when I vowed to myself I'd start looking for jobs), I need to shift into making that the priority.

Also, one thing I need to do with my money instead of going to Italy is revamp my wardrobe. I really need grownup clothing. The vast majority of my stuff is weeekend casual, and that will not fly when and if I have to go on job interviews. I have one nice workish jacket and ZERO trousers and one (maybe 2) nice blouses. Oh and zero professional skirts. AND I have like.. not enough heels. Two pairs of ankle boots will not cut it. haha. This is a major issue.

ANYWAY.

In other news, Poland life is quite good. The past couple days the kids have been really good and I have been enjoying their company a lot!
Last night Ania interrupted my SVU watching to ask if I'd play with her. Needless to say I was happy not getting up but I agreed and we played some games and then she ended up giving me a Polish lesson which was adorable and fun. Then we did a dance version of follow the leader, with her as the leader of course.
Then today Marysia and I made enchiladas for dinner, which was a major hot mess but totally hilarious. You see, we burned them horribly. I have no idea how because they were in the oven for like 7 minutes but.. it happened. Only 2 out of 8 were salvageable, so then we decided to excavate the insides from the burnt ones and just redo with a second round. So we did that and the whole time we were ripping apart the burnt ones we were joking about how NOTHING UNUSUAL was happening and how we had to hide the evidence from her mother. .. I told my host mom of course, who was just amused and not at all angry, thank God. So THEN when I took the 2nd round of the oven, this baker's paper that was in there (lol at my Panera terms) IGNITES IN FLAMES and I was like OHHMYGOD there's a fire in their. My host mom just like... calmly grabbed it and put it in the sink. So funny.
But I must say, enchiladas round 2 were SO good.

Things I miss about America: having a closet instead of a suitcase, Jason's Deli, netflix.

we are young;

The computer charger drama continues. I got the new one in the mail, and I tried it out and it initially worked... LATER, when I actually needed it to work, it didn't. Wtf.
I am hoping I'll be able to use it for my phone and other things so that its not just a huge waste of a zillion dollars in shipping charges. BUH.

In other news, the more time passes the more I'm looking forward to going to other places & not doing this au pair thing anymore. Like, its fine and I love the kids and the host parents are amazing but this is just such a strange and uneventful lifestyle! haha. Its weird for me I guess because I'm so used to like.. not living with many people. For the past 2 years I've had a lot of alone time but also was working a LOT and was able to use my free time however I wanted & go at my own pace. Here, its weird because my schedule depends on the kids. I can't do anything with my week days but take care of them. I guess the main issue is that the honeymoon phase for Poland & me is over. I wish I were better at relishing life and embracing every day and shit like that but I also feel constant pressure to figure out what the hell is going to happen when I leave here.... and I can't do that so then I just end up watching 'What not to Wear' reruns on youtube.

On that note though, I just love and adore Stacy London. She is pretty much my favorite human of all.

I am still happy though. So yeah.

Things I miss about America: having people to talk to, Skittles, daily coffee consumption, my ukulele.

oh bother;

So my stupid piece of crap Europe power converter thing has decided not to work with my computer anymore.
I am incredibly frustrated.
This initially became an issue the day before I left for Paris, when I discovered that it needed an additional attachment to work with 3-pronged items, ie my laptop. However, my father found something that I could plug my laptop into, and that into the converter.
That has been working OKAY since I got here.
In Paris it was fine.
Here, it was fine for like 2 weeks. Then it only worked downstairs for some reason.. THEN after like 2 weeks it was magically fine and worked everywhere again. NOW, it only works in ONE OUTLET in this house, which is in the kitchen. -_-
I am still holding out hope that this is another random issue which will in time settle itself out magically as has happened before, but...
it worries me.

SO today I spent way too much money ordering a new one which does work with 3-pronged items but does NOT work in the UK/Ireland/Italy. So.. I have no idea what is going to happen there. Maybe the one I have now will magically decide to work again when I get to the UK... I am just utterly frustrated by this.

Until the new one comes though, I am probably going to be bored most of the time, as the internet is pretty much my only form of entertainment.. I guess I'll re-read The Fault in Our Stars.
Sigh.
Annoyance.

Just had to vent about that.

PS Happy Valentine's Day. Everyone reading this, please eat some candy on my behalf. :)

since i have smiled;

So I took this colorgenics test (google it).. and it was like one of those things where you click on the colored boxes from the one you like most down to the one you like least... and my results were STRANGELY accurate.

It said (I'll pick out the most accurate parts):

You are the sort of person that needs a peaceful environment. You seek release from stress and freedom from conflicts and disagreements, of which you seem to have had more than your fair share. But you are taking pains to control the situation by proceeding cautiously and you are right in doing so as you are a very sensitive person.
**That is totally about dealing with children every day. haha
It is time now to break the bond of detachment and be the 'you' that you would like to be - give vent to your emotions and enjoy yourself.
**Aka I need an emotional release.
It is said that we are all influenced by our environment and indeed you are no exception. It would seem at this time that even though you may be surrounded by people, you are experiencing an inner loneliness. Fortunately you are sufficiently strong minded to realise that life has a great deal to offer you and that you may miss your share of experiences if you fail to make the best use of every opportunity. You therefore pursue your objectives with a fierce intensity and are prepared to commit yourself deeply and readily. You believe that whatever you would like to do or think 'you can do' - you do!
**GPOY of my current life. Completely.

And this part was my favorite:
You have so many ideas that you would like to revitalise but you need to realise a stable and peaceful condition to do so. Once you can free yourself from all the aggravation and tension around you, you will make strides that may amaze you. You will not be prevented from achieving all the things you so desire.
**THIS IS SO UPLIFTING. It knows that my brain is going in 100 different directions right now about what I want out of life and IT BELIEVES in me! haha. This is good stuff.

Anyway. We have this Swedish girl visiting us this week, who is a prospective au pair for when I leave. She and I took the girls to the aquarium today and then sat in a coffee shop and ate pastries and I had a caramel macchiato while the kids had hot chocolate. Then we got home and played all sorts of imaginary games, as per always.
Tomorrow the Swedish girl and I are free to do whatever we want.. so that should be a nice break from children. Possibly a good time to buy some amber bracelets as well! :)

Life is good.
I am exhausted.

cha cha cha;

As much as I hate the cold, there is really nothing like the feeling of coming inside after seeing beautiful snowy horizons with the sunset hitting them just right, and peeling off all that excess clothing to de-thaw your body. You can feel the cold slowly exiting your body and flowing into the air, and that combined with the smell of soup cooking on the stove.. its a good feeling.
I believe that a TRUE winter is something everyone should experience. Its really odd.. knowing that my friends and family are hanging out in sunny North Carolina, where its been in the 60s lately, and here I am practically surviving arctic temperatures in comparison! Its just part of experiencing a new culture.. getting used to the cold.
Here, snow is so normal. It doesn't slow these people down one bit. They just throw on their thermal waterproof pants and GO.
At home, there is even a THOUGHT that we might get .03 inches of snow and everyone is in a tizzy.
Its killing my skin.. my face is getting dry and is peeling.. not cute. But I've discovered a great cream from Dove that feels great on my skin and seems to be helping. I'd also love to do some sort of at-home facial, but I'm not sure I have the time for something that complex.
The fashionista in me is suffering a bit though. Living out of a suitcase limits my wardrobe obviously, but knowing that I can't buy too much because I can't increase the weight of my luggage is so bothersome.. haha. That sounds vein. BUT I do what Stacy London says, I shop smart. I usually look at clothes maybe every month (sometimes a little more often) but I only buy things that I LOVE and know I will actually wear. Sometimes the "need to shop" craving gets stifled when I just go to a store or two and buy nothing. But nevertheless, the OPTION to buy things is pretty much off the table. And that is bad for my cravings, but probably quite good for my bank account.
There are a FEW things I need to get though, as a visitor here. Poland is known for making jewelry out of amber, and if you go to the center of basically any town, there will be a plethora of shops with all sorts of lovely things. Its amazing they ALL manage to stay in business.. haha. Gdansk is the place with the most places like this.. there are literally 4 or 5 on every street in the old town. Its crazy. So I want to get a few items that I can give away to people..

Anyway, my host family got back from their week long ski vacation in Austria just last night, so its back to organized chaos in the house! Its great to have humans around again. And tomorrow a girl from Sweden is coming to stay with us for a few days. She is interested in possibly being an au pair here in the future. SO it should be nice to have someone my age to talk to and show around. We're also probably going to the zoo & the aquarium this week so that should be fun!

This was a lot of words despite the fact that when I started writing I had nothing to say.
Side note: If I end up being in Italy on Easter, I am absolutely going to mass at some enormous church.
Side note 2: Stacy London never ceases to kick ass and be one of the best humans known to humanity. I luhhh her.

Things I miss about America: having a car (said this before, I know), coffee culture, Panera salads & sandwiches.

high heels high hopes;

So, before I become American again in a couple months and attempt to find a real job in the real world, I am trying to reassess my personal style. Dressing well boosts my confidence, but often I find myself struggling to put together looks that are modern, chic and grown up. My style is electic-chic, and on any given day can be spun in either a girly or an edgy direction. So I am trying to figure out what I want my wardrobe to portray, and how to build a cohesive wardrobe that will benefit me as I move into the working world. SO, here is a survey.

What are your favorite colors?
purples, greens, black, blue, some pink

What is your fashion philosophy?
buy what you love, shop smart, and make it about STYLE, not fashion

Describe your style:
eclectic chic--with either a splash of girly or edgy depending on the day

Are you a trend starter or follower?
not a STARTER really.. but I don't buy into trends unless I truly love the look. I am not afraid to be bold in my style choices.

What current trends do you like?
20s inspired drop waist dresses (even though I doubt one would look flattering on me), zig zags & chevrons, one shoulder tops & dresses, cropped tops, waist flares (aka peplums apparently..?!).. this bold floral thing happening for spring is also a bit intriguing to me. :)

What old trends do you think should come back?
uh.. not sure. I just hope skinny jeans stay around because I adore them even though they are not flattering on me.

Do you like accessories?
yes! I need to get better at wearing them though. I love a big earring, but I need to get better at putting rings & bracelets with outfits. Oh and I LOVE hats & scarves for fall/winter. :)

What kind of shoes do you like?
ankle boots are my FAV. but in real life I tend to wear flats most often.

Describe your dream outfit:
gah I have no idea.. something kickass. this is impossible to answer

Ever wanted to be a fashion designer?
lol hell no

Do you like matchy matchy, or mix and match?
I like things that GO, but lots of times fall into the matchy matchy-ness.. I need to learn to use color families to mix things better

What is your biggest fashion problem?
well.. I guess when it comes to buying clothes I have trouble with bottoms, namely skirts. Its hard to find ones that make me look long & lean... its problematic. And I am pretty good when it comes to shapes/whats flattering & what's not but not so great at creating added visual interest in outfits.

Do you think it's too expensive to be trendy?
no! forever 21 & charlotte russe are great stores that are cheap & trendy! I swear by them.

If you had a fashion budget of 1 million dollars, where would you shop, and why?
EVERYWHERE. I love boutiques but can never afford them, so lots of those. Plus like.. Betsey Johnson, H&M, Anthropologie, Urban, Ann Taylor, Loft, White House Black Market.. All the stores. haha.

Who is your fashion guru?
Stacy London, hands down

If you had to pick one designer to wear for the rest of your life, who would it be, and why?
Not sure!! I don't pay a ton of attention to designers really.. I do like Vera Wang & Carolina Herrera though.

Do you like high heels?
LOVE them.. but rarely wear them. This will need to change in the coming months.

Do you watch fashion shows?
no..

What is the most important piece in your wardrobe?
uh.. I have no idea.

The second most important?
again, no idea

What one piece are you dying to add to your wardrobe?
black pencil skirt

What do you think is the most fashionable city in the world?
Paris is quite fashionable.. literally everyone there dresses well.

What is the most money you have spent on a pair of jeans?
No more than $40 I'm sure. I am a bargain hunter when it comes to clothing.

Do you shop online for clothes?
i look at stuff online a lot, but rarely make purchases.. its much better to buy in store & try things on!!

If so, what stores?
I'm a frequent visitor of forever21.com & charlotterusse.com .. I also check the urban website, and modcloth.com

Who is the trendiest person you know?
haha. Stacy London. :)

Good or Bad Trends:

Leg Warmers? I love them.. but they're hard to pull off. You have to wear them well.
Bell Bottoms? Bad. I am SO OVER IT with the flared jean.
Jelly Shoes? Bad.
Scrunchies? BADDDD
High-Wasted Pants? Good! But you have to have the right body type!
Cow Boy Hats? Uhh. bad.
Head Bands? Good I guess. some can be very childish though. it depends!
Gladiator Sandals? I like them most of the time. Good I guess.. Sometimes they are just like.. way over the top in my opinion though.
Snake Jewelry? uh. I dunno. What does that mean.
Concert Tees? Bad.. Although I am a HUGE fan of a FITTED tee under a nice cardi or structured jacket.
Leopard Print? Good! You just have to wear it well and not TOO much animal print and you're good to go. :)