it sure would be prettier with you;

Life makes me happy lately. There's something about this time of year in the city that makes me want to frolic and love life.

The only problem at present is that I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE.

(Deja vu, anyone?)

Yes, this is clearly something I have been questioning for quite some time now. But..

GUH.

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS.

After doing the things I've done since moving here (and working in food, retail, and with kids before moving here)... I have a pretty lengthy list of things I do not want to spend my life doing.
But I have a VERY short list of things I can maybe see myself possibly doing perhaps if I can get into it somehow.

Going to Europe was a dream.
Moving to NYC was a dream.
And there have been dreams that popped up along the way that I didn't even know I had.
And it has been amazing.

But now I need to find out what my next dream is and really work towards pursuing it.

The things I want to do are either things that seem basically impossible to make a living doing or.. are things that seem impossible to break into. Like industries that seem to never be hiring new people such as myself who have no experience. I don't know. I just really don't want to be stuck at a desk my entire life dealing with dumb shit that I don't care about at all...... just.. guh. Like. I CARE about my present job, but the whole office scenario is what has made me feel like I don't want to be there forever (if that were even an option, which it isn't).

So now I am trying to explore the options and figure out what the hell is the best thing to do. The thing is, even if I like a job I can't ever see myself being thrilled to work in an enclosed area all day every day, which is basically what every job is... I need varying days. I need varying tasks. But stable employment would also be pretty awesome.
I am unsure how to reconcile this.

Whatever.
I'm just going to sit here and sip coffee until I can deal with this shit.