WELL I AM ON A BUS. This hasn't happened in a while. Jenn and I decided randomly to galavant off to Philly for 1 night, which was last night, and now we are on our way back to NYC just in time for this supposed hurricane. lol.
Its been a lovely journey. Just what I needed really. I have just been so consumed with WORK and stuff.. and this was the exact mini-escape I needed with the exact perfect person to be there with me. I am already feeling more refreshed and ready to tackle this life shit that is happening.
This week I need to really hit the job applications hardcore and start figuring out what the fuck to do with myself.. LAWD.
I really love having a good support system though. Having friends has done WONDERS for me.. I feel so much happier, more secure, everything is just on a higher plane. And thankfully I have been spending a lot less money because its enough to just sit and talk with someone (like you, Jenn) and I don't really have to go and find an *~activity~* because to be perfectly honest the most memorable and important times to me are the ones where I can bond with someone I really adore.
On a similar note, I feel like I am finally growing into my personality.
But let's back up and explain.
I have always been an incredibly complimentary person, with incredible amounts of love to dish out... which to be quite frank is overwhelming to a lot of people. They're like gahhh what the hell is this person and why is she so overwhelming. I've been through a lot of bullshit with bullshitty people.. but I have finally gotten to a place where I am so happy with who I am and comfortable with myself that I don't need any specific validation back.
It is actually more fulfilling for me to be there for someone else than it is to have someone be there for me.
Now, I'm not saying I don't need to vent or talk out my life issues with people, I do.. but I have never been very good at talking about the really serious things, and I can count on less than three fingers the amount of people who know ALL the things that I don't typically share with people. But most of those things.. all of them actually.. are so long gone that I am over them. I think so anyway. And that doesn't mean they don't still haunt me.. I think they always will. But I think that's normal.
ANYWAY. What I am getting at here is- I think I am finally at a place where I am a steel magnolia, if you're catching what I'm throwing. Like, I am not afraid to share my vulnerable side (with the right people) but I am also very strong and I feel like I can handle a lot of things that in the past would have torn me apart. I have a thick skin too, so I don't get offended when people are less receptive to my .. oddities.
It means a lot to me to be able to be there for people, to be that safe person. It makes me feel validated that they trust me that much. It makes me feel validated if I can help comfort someone or just be there for them when they let out these things.
Having people's company has always been my favorite thing. It is always a pleasure.
I am basically really just enjoying life right now.
I have always been able to look back and be like.. yes, things do happen for a reason. No matter what changes, I still believe that there is a God and that he is looking out for me and leading me where I need to go. I don't believe in coincidences generally.
I was not ready to move to NYC in January. But I was ready for an adventure, and that's where Europe came in. Even though it was a HUGE struggle that my Italian host family fell through, I see now that that happened so that I could have the opportunity to go to Poland. And that caused the whole thing to be only about 4 months total, putting me all alone when it was time for me to look for jobs and move to NYC. Then I was going to live with Heather & Tyler. That was the plan... but then it fell through. At the time, I was freaking the hell out but now I am SO glad that happened. It gave me the opportunity to live in Brooklyn which was PERFECT.. and then I was almost homeless.. but then I found that 3 month sublet which I did not enjoy very much at all... but that timing was perfect to meet Jenn and live with her and now life is FUCKING LOVELY. Boo yah.
Now I just have to find another job. BLARGH.
In other news, I AM SO STOKED TO SPEND THE HOLIDAYS IN NYC. STOKED AS A MOFO. Its going to be SO PRETTY. :)
I am just in a good place right now, in all ways. Even though I am on a bus.
Personality-wise, I feel like I am exactly who I should be, and that is a really good feeling. I should probably work on being a wee bit more open though. Meh.
That'll be all for now folks. Happy weekend.
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