& maybe we won't feel so alone;

My work schedule has been ABSOLUTELY INSANE lately. I just got done with an entire week of late nights, followed by work Saturday AND TODAY FOR LIKE 12 HOURS. I am exhausted.

I am also really starting to freak out (but not enough to actually DO anything about it) because my time at my current job will come to an end soon, as it is a contract position. I just.. I still really have no clue what I want to do with my life.

I can name a lot of things I DON'T want to do, but I really have no idea what sort of job I would be happy with for several years in a row. I get bored easily and I hate being stuck sitting at a desk all day but I don't have the talent it takes to perform in any respect. There are a lot of things I think I would do well at.. frankly, any job I got I would be determined to do well at because I don't allow myself to fail at things.

Its just hard man.

But I am so much happier in my outside-of-work life that I almost don't give 2 shits about my job. I'm starting to just kind of have faith in myself and my future..

ALMOST.

We shall see how things go.

I am so happy with my emotional state right now though- its completely different from when I first moved here and I know that I have grown up a lot more.

When I moved here I was in a pretty uncertain emotional state. I was like uhhhh should I go back to Europe? Should I run away to California? Should I just give up? Should I just keep chasing pavements? (lol) .. But seriously. It was a rough time.

And to be perfectly honest, the MOST pivotal reason I am so much happier and sure that I am where I belong is Jenn. She is a little sunshiney precious lady of perfection. I really REALLY was in need of someone with stability in my life- someone who I knew I could count on and someone who would need to count on me. I needed a buddy. And she is just what the doctor ordered. Pretty much the most incredible roommate ever and basically one of the most incredible people I have ever met. I am amazed by her.

And not only that, she is SO emotionally supportive, generous, sweet.. just freaking perfect. And she makes me brownies. And that is pretty spectacular.


Oh hey I NEED TO THINK OF A HALLOWEEN COSTUME!!

Also I am really in a point where I am very I-don't-need-no-man if you know what I mean. I am feeling so whole and confident without even worrying about that shit. I don't want to ever get married, I am pretty much positive in saying, and I don't give half a rat's ass about trying to date or whatnot right now. I just don't want to. I don't need that.


Annnd of course I think I need to get a bit more aware of my caloric intake and loose a bit of weight. I am 100% confident in my body, but I feel like I've gained some in the last month or so... GUH. Weight. It sucks man.
I definitely don't want to start weighing myself though... it just makes me get way too hung up on numbers and to be perfectly candid, it is a bit triggering for me to weigh myself or even to try to diet consciously. If you want to know why, ask.

Soooo yeah nothing else is happening.

I get to see Stacy again on November 2!! Pretty thrilled for that.

AND THANKSGIVING IS KIND OF SOON AND IT IS MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY GUYS.