you go on & I'll be happier;

Well hello. Thanks to some intense searching and meeting with approximately one million realtors (out of which only about 2% were NOT fools), I am pretty sure that I am not going to be homeless.

The roommates and I are down to 2 apartment options, and God-willing, we will know by this weekend which place is the final answer.

There are really pros and cons to both, but I just hope that no matter what, we all enjoy living there.

I am incredibly stoked to actually get to live with people I LIKE again.. Goodness. It will be wonderful to have my OWN space with my OWN things and be in a situation where I don't feel awkward walking through the kitchen pants-less while another roommate is in there. I mean, good Lord. My roommates will be Jenn and Rachel. Rachel I have only interacted with via facebook messages, but she seems very sweet, open, nice.. creative. Lovely, basically. And Jenn is like omg so precious. She and I clicked incredibly quickly, and she is the perfect thoughtful balance to my chaotic, dive-in-without-thinking personality. I think we will be good at being roommates. ALSO we watch like all the same tv shows and both play the ukulele... yeah dude this is going to kick ass.

I am getting really REALLY burnt out by this job search process. I mean, goodness. I am definitely qualified for more things than what I am doing- for SURE- but like.. the whole process of applying for anything and everything and gh8erhsh[eh[[ho I JUST AM OVER IT. I just want a slightly better job than I presently have. I have been working my ass off for it. Why is it not working.

Other than that, my other whims such as the possibility of returning to Europe and/or the possibility of moving to California and/or the possibility of getting a cat or a small dog are on hold.

I really just want to chill out for a hot second and eat Chinese food in an apartment I like with a roommate I love and wake up every morning and go to a job I don't hate.

Is that really too much to ask?!

Here's a random thing I have been thinking about based on a post my bff Jamie made on her blog.

(I hope she doesn't care that I've mentioned her here.) But anyway it was a post about like.. how much cool (and some not cool) stuff that has happened in the past 5 years and the things she has accomplished, etc.

And I think that's fabulous.

I wish I could do that.

I wish I could look back and say, "Hey- look how far I've come. Look at what I've accomplished."

But I cannot do that.

Literally if someone were to ask what accomplishment are you most proud of I would have no answer. I feel like I have done NOTHING with my life. AT ALL.

Like, I realize its silly to say that because I have done THINGS but like.. I don't see ANY of it as great or even above average. Everything I "accomplish" is something that I do because I don't see the other option. Like.. for example: there is no option but to graduate college. Failure was not an option.

There is no option to move back to NC because I would feel like a FAILURE. I have to make my life here in NYC.

Etc.

Basically the motto in my head is always "there is no choice but to press on" and that is basically how I have seen every choice I've ever made and every "accomplishment" I've had.

That's all.

TOMORROW IS FASHION'S NIGHT OUT WHICH I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO ATTEND FOR LIKE THREE YEARS I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE STACY YOU GUYS.

I WILL CERTAINLY MAKE A POST ABOUT IT.