I really need someone here who GETS me. Like.. someone who knows that after an exceptionally shitty day, I might need a hug, or at least someone to ride the train with and vent.. something.
Basically the apartment situation gets worse by the day. I cannot deal with living here much longer.. its just miserable because my roommates are very inconsiderate and I feel SO awkward around them. My room is literally a SAUNA. We NEVER have hot water. The neighborhood is SO trashy.. as in like.. there is literally trash all over the damn place. Why. I just need to get out of here and have my own space, for sanity's sake.
The options are as follows:
A) An apartment in the Upper East Side area which we think is a misrepresentation of what it actually is.. like.. it HAS to be more expensive than they say. Also the landlord I've been dealing with is a huge fool and SUCKS at responding to texts/calls.
B) Sunset Park, Brooklyn. This is in a brownstone, where we'd be directly above the landlord (& family). Its an odd layout, but good price and available immediately. Neither of my future roommates like it... but I would be fine with it. I have no problem with being a little quieter (or rather, more conscious of the noise I might make) if it gives me somewhere to live.. as opposed to homeless.
C) Hamilton Heights, with the management company from HELL who has now kicked our application back to us three times. I wouldn't trust those people if their tongues came notarized, frankly, and even if they do at some point approve the application, we probably won't be able to move in until Oct. 1.
D) Live on the street.
Not a huge fan of any of those, tbh.
I have no idea what's going to happen with it all but.. I am just literally so incredibly fucking over it I cannot even explain.
If I could do this whole process over again, I would go about it VERY differently.. I'll say no more.
And thennnn there is the constant JOB issue.
Mother of God.
I am SO ready/eager/anxious/fighting tooth & nail to have both a place to live and a job that I at least remotely like. That is all I fucking want and I do not understand why its so hard to get.
I interviewed for this job the other day that I am DYYYINNGGG to get.. but I don't think I did because they literally wanted someone to start Monday and it is currently Sunday at 12:55am and I have heard nothing.
Its just so frustrating to KNOW that you are capable of things but be denied opportunity after opportunity.. I just hate this.
My biggest fear right now is that this is as good as it'll ever get.
--------------------------
White knuckles & sweaty palms from hanging on too tight.
Clenched shut jaw, I've got another headache again tonight..
Trying to hold, trying to hold, but
There's nothing to grab so I let go..
I think I've finally had enough
I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us.
...
My head is spinning so
blow me one last kiss.
Just when it can't get worse
I've had a shit day
You've had a shit day
We've had a shit day
I think that life's too short for this
want back my ignorance & bliss
I think I've had enough of this
Blow me one last kiss.
-Pink
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In other, happier news, I finished reading Stacy London's book 'The Truth About Style' yesterday at 4am. It was SO SO GOOD. So good that I got sad when there were no more pages to read. It was humorous yet very eloquent, and inspiring, but in a legitimately tangible way.
I won't give away too much, but Stacy is so sweetly candid about her own experiences, which all speak volumes about why she is who she is. Each of the 9 women featured has a unique issue with style (and life!) , and Stacy's ability to understand those issues immediately and tackle them head on is something that will never cease to amaze me. She really does see peoples' potential, and is able to bring out the best in them!
The book was wonderful. I highly recommend it. And I am thrilled to have gotten to read it before it comes out!! :)
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