when you try your best but you don't succeed;

Maybe I take criticism too personally. I think I get it from my mother.
But when I did theatre, I was very like.. happy to get criticism from my director or whatnot because it made me realize that they were watching me and thought that I was able to improve, so they gave me notes. But the non-theatre kind of criticism tends to hit me pretty hard.
And it is especially bad if it comes from someone I really like. And it really also depends on the way its stated.
Its one thing if someone says, "HEY DO THIS" when I am doing something wrong or .. not doing something I should be or whatever. That's not a problem. But when its said in a way that makes me feel stupid, or like a child, that really hurts. It makes me feel kind of afraid & wary of the person saying it as well, because then I am afraid to be near them because I'm worried that I'll get scolded for something.

It really just bothers me when I try SO HARD to get things right and always have a positive attitude and be helpful and support everyone, and instead of getting any sort of acknowledgement for that, even just a "that's so nice of you" or "thank you", I get random criticism for something that was basically irrelevant at the time.

It makes me feel stupid and incompetent.
I hate being told that I'm doing something wrong.
I try so hard all the time to do everything I'm supposed to do.

I have always been very unsung, in all aspects of my life. Like, there have been many times when people have told me "So & So said you're doing really well at _____" and I think to myself "WHYYY DIDN'T THEY TELL ME THAT!???" I don't get it.
Maybe because I've always been very open about complimenting people when I like something about them or whatever, but it means SOOOO MUCH to me when people tell me I am doing something RIGHT. But I never really get told that.

I actually cannot even remember the last time that has happened in the context which this blog post is based upon. It probably never has.

I think some people hold off on complimenting others because they don't want to give people reason to get cocky.
But I think that if you really know me, you know that it won't go to my head. And even if it did, I would not let it show, at all. And I would still work equally as hard, if not harder because I would be in a GOOD mood and would feel competent and stuff.

Unfortunately for me, it never works out like this.

Also, another thing I just thought of is this.
Some people who are in the position to give criticism to others (like teachers or principals or bosses or whatnot) don't even like.. see the person they're criticizing while its happening. Like, all they see is that something is happening that they don't like (or not happening at all) and they immediately scold and place blame on the person who seems most immediately responsible.
I hate that.

I think that leaders of any kind should ALWAYS take into account who they are talking to.
My personality type lends well to this, but I always consider who I am talking to before I say anything, and I understand people well, so I usually have a sense of how they will react to something before it happens. I would never criticize someone harshly who I knew was sincere and would get their feelings hurt by it. I would say it in a way that they would be okay with! Why don't people do this?!

I don't like insensitivity at all.

And I don't like feeling like an idiot.

I don't like feeling like I've taken one step back.

I want to move forward and feel better about myself & what I'm doing and about us.

..This post has gone on way longer than I expected it too. And has probably made a mountain out of a mole hill, and probably also makes very little sense.