unraveled

I feel like everything in my life is spinning out of control all around me.
That every aspect of my life is a long ribbon stapled to my being and they're whipping in the sharp cold wind.
Unraveling.
Tangling me up.
Strangling me.
Nothing is under my control.
Everything is blowing in the breeze
and the moment I feel like I have one or two back
clutched between my bony fingers;
the hurricane comes.

I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread;
that my entire life is a great cluster of helium balloons
and I'm grasping them with all my might
but my palms are starting to sweat
and they're slipping.
Some have already gone,
wriggling out of the bundle
floating away...

Fearing failure is no longer relevant because I am already failing.
And in some ways,
I don't care.

I don't like this
but I have accepted it
its happening.
I am gripping onto those balloons ...

I just wish that my effort to make things better would actually make something better.
I have to work my ass off for something you would call a disappointment.

this is all i've got.