memories are fresh;

I feel like i have done the right thing here.

I do not have the time right now or the emotional energy to deal with the possible consequences of what this would have caused. I don't want this on the front page of the newspaper, so that means I am not ready yet to have it happen in my life. Sure it could have been amazing... but I feel like I was pushing myself into thinking that based on nothing. Who knows really.

I really like to tell Erin all the things though. We got really close.. like closer than we were before over the summer because we were just more candid with each other. And I didn't want to tell her about this, so that tells me that I might should just stop it before it starts.

It probably sounds like I am writing about something awful right now. I am really not. Its just something that would have been a lot to deal with when I am a person who is trying to leave the country at the end of December.

Anyway. Its my birthday week. I want to try and get a few productive things done while still being chill.. and I work at both jobs a lot so yeah. Good times.