don't think they'll be needing me anymore;

Today was supposed to be visa day.

I woke up and got ready and went and got gas and went to the fedex store to get yet another set of pre-paid envelopes, because apparently they prefer fedex instead of the normal post office.. and I just wanted to have it all be right.

So I drove all the way there.. got there earlier than I thought I would and found a Caribou. Sat there for a long time.. waiting.

Then it was like 3:25, so I went over to the visa office and got my shit together.. sat there a moment freaking out.

Then I went in there and I had all the shit and though it was going to be fine. So.. I went in there and they saw that I was applying for the 90 day visa (because even though I clearly WANTED to stay much longer) and started looking through my papers and checking things off..

*Side note: I was going to apply for a long term visa, but it seemed that there IS NO such thing as a tourist visa for more than 90 days, and the work visa which I also could have gotten takes over 6 months to get. -_-

So. Host dad told me just to get the 90 days one and we would go from there.

So that is what I tried to do.

They said that my health insurance info wasn't good enough, even though I USED THE FORM THAT THEIR WEBSITE SUPPLIED. What the fuck.

THEN they said that I would not be able to enter the country without a return trip ticket. EVEN THOUGH THE WEBSITE SAID PROOF THAT YOU CAN & WILL BUY ONE WOULD BE FINE. I had a notarized affidavit along with a form from the bank showing that I have ample funding to buy a plane ticket.

Apparently that wasn't good enough.

THEN they were like how long are you staying? And I was like uh I guess 90 days (because I thought that was all I COULD stay)

And they were like uh you don't need a visa for 90 days.

What


the


ever

living





FUCK.


So I was like okaaaaaaaaaaaay.. so what if I decide NOW that I want to stay more than that?? And they were like then you'd have to make another appointment. WHAT WHY. ALSO the asshole was like anyway you still would need a return trip ticket.

I don't believe that one bit.

No one buys a round trip with MONTHS between the flights. That is bullshit.

SO they wont give me a visa.. and now I don't know what I'm going to do. I stormed out of there and probably shut the door behind me a bit too hard and they probably thought I was a horrible person. But.. fuck them. I called them more than 5 times and emailed more than 5 times and asked everyone I knew to ask about this shit and got ZERO answers.

I am so pissed and upset and I wasted SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY on this...

I don't know where to go from here.

I have nothing without this Italy thing.
My lease ends at the end of December, I have already told both my bosses I am leaving my jobs, I have no idea what sort of career I want to pursue in the real world. This was going to be MY time. MY payoff for working my ass off all these years. This was going to be the ONE risk I've ever taken.. the ONE thing I have ever tried to do 100%, throwing caution to the wind and following my heart.
And now its just a disaster.

I feel like my life is completely worthless, and I feel like I am just not even worth it as a person. Everything and everyone has slowly dissipated out of my life and now I have nothing and nowhere to go and.. I'm back to square one wondering what the fuck to do with myself now that this may not happen anymore.

Without a visa, I could still go to Italy for 3 months, but most people won't even take au pairs for such a short time.

I hate this.
Why doesn't anything I ever want go right.
Why is it that everyone else gets these amazing opportunities to travel but I have to fight tooth and nail to get to do anything, and then it doesn't even work out.

(Oh, and I even asked WHAT TYPE OF VISA WOULD I NEED if I wanted to re-apply to stay longer than 90 days... and the fucking dumbass woman didn't even have an answer for me. Thanks a lot bitch.)

I cried on the phone to my mom about it ... like BREAKDOWN cry... and the tears continued on and off the whole way home. And I would like to add that I got lost on the way home, so the drive was twice as long as it should have been. I hate everything today.


My life is a dead end.
Please get me out of here.