I'm not over it

So, I was wondering today... what is it that has made this week so depressing and last week so glorious??
Last week I was extremely sleep deprived, struggling to get all my work done, running around from place to place, unable to even eat on a regular schedule...
This week has been slightly more normal. Still lots of work, but nutrition and sleep have crept back into my life which is definitely a positive.


But I am an ENFJ. I get my energy and attitude from the people around me. I carry others' burdens, and I idealize relationships to the extreme. Basically, I am very choosy about who I get attached to, but those who I choose to latch onto are people who I am unable to let go of. I invest so much of who I am into them, because I care too deeply.


Sometimes I think that's why God hasn't provided me with a man yet. Maybe I need to reconcile these issues with myself before I can have THAT deep of a relationship. Because I fall hard & fast.
But I digress...


So when people who I care this deeply about are suddenly out of my life, I need them even more than before.
Therefore, I talk to them.
They don't answer/aren't available/whatever.
I start getting paranoid; Do they hate me? Were they lying the whole time? Why did they hang out me all that time if I was/am so annoying? What is wrong with me?


Then there is someone else.
Lather, rinse, repeat.


It is ridiculous.
It needs to stop.
I need to learn to A) Calm down and B) Move on.
Not that its a problem getting attached to people, I just think I need to become comfortable enough with who I am as a person not to need them to the point where I invest all my happiness in them.


I know damn well that they enjoyed my company at least to a small extent while it was happening. And that is the best I can do for now.


But even so, though I know this, I doubt much will ever change.


In other news, I EFFING LIKE HIM OKAY.
Jeez.
You'd think this were some bad sitcom the way everyone is reacting to it.. The sweet naive friend who supports it, and then the ones who know me better just laugh.
Its not funny. When I think rationally about it, I cannot see us getting along at all. We have completely different ideas about stuff... not like, theological/political stuff, but like.. theatre. And we are both so passionate about it, in opposite ways. He is so serious [how ironic], and I am not. He is straight laced, and I am sentimental. He is short, I am tall. He is ridiculously talented and smart, and I am rather mediocre in comparison.
It would never work.
But then there he is.
And I'm not going to lie, I swoon a little bit.

I hope this is just a crush.

The last one was.

Life needs to stop being so damn complicated.

But until then-
When you see my face, I hope it gives you hell. Because truth be told, I miss you...

And-
If you asked me if I love him, I'd lie.