dig a tunna

I am currently listening to the playlist on my itunes entitled 'Jamie-ish Music' ... hence the Lion King 1.5 song.

I just wanna blog.
And stay up late.
And drink a lot of diet dr pepper and eat chocolate and think. I have done more than my fair share of that lately.

SO, life?

Let's update in a more concrete way than I have been lately.

1. I really appreciate zumba, as an activity. It is a work out, it is fun, and I always have MORE energy coming out than I do going in. This is positive. And Danielle, well, she is always an epic win. It is one of the FEW things I have been able to do with myself lately that causes me to not hate myself for. Also a positive.
2. I fail at existing. And talking. And friendship. And that sucks. And I am paranoid and emo. And its insanely shitty. And I need... something. But I'm not sure what. Maybe I just need to feel needed.
3. I need new ringtones... I am working on getting them. But my phone fails sometimes.
4. I had a dream last night that I was playing Lily in 'The Secret Garden' and I was only onstage like.. for two songs or something [which is not how the show is], but I was singing the real lyrics, and I had to stand on this really steep staircase that made me nervous and there were all these children I was supposed to be singing to... And my voice kept failing on the super high notes [commmme toooooooooo my gardennnnn] and then I finally got the notes but I couldn't breathe and I almost passed out. And then I woke up.
5. I feel like a bitch lately. And that is highly unfortunate, because I am really NOT a bitch at all. [lol that made me think of the wizard of oz "Are you a good witch or a bad witch?" "I'm not a witch at all!"]
6. I might start taking voice lessons from Sarah. And that would make me INSANELY nervous, and she would laugh at me, but I might do it anyway. Just so I can see her more often. How desperate.
7. I need to redo my emo nail polish. I kinda wish my state of emo-ness would permeate itself more obviously in my life... maybe then someone would ask what's wrong... Not that I would know how to answer.
8. Its a problem that I have no idea what I am doing with myself this summer.
9. I just got a craving to perform a monologue. I miss my acting class. It was amahzing.
10. Its coming down to nothing more than apathy.

Sometimes I wish I were brave enough to ask people what I REALLY want to ask them.
But I am not. And I just keep on ...

Why is it that we always chase the love that alludes us?
Satisfaction is something I am afraid I will only know in sparing moments.

And ps- I miss Kelsey. A lot.