awake my soul;

I am so over it with being directionless.

My temp job in the non-profit world ended today. We all knew this was going to happen, of course, hence the fact that it was a temp job.. but now I am unemployed again and about to start panicking AGAIN about what the hell to do with my life.

Theatre is the thing everyone thinks I should do, and truth be told, if I could make a living off JUST that, I would be thrilled.
But that's not how it works.
I'd have to be working full time PLUS doing shows all the time.. which I have already discovered is really difficult schedule-wise, and utterly exhausting because I'd be working 9am-10pm roughly five days a week.. and it pays next to nothing. So basically the cost kind of outweighs the benefit in a lot of cases. I still want to try & make it work though somehow.

I dunno man.

I partially feel like I am in denial or something for being so "meh" about this situation.. because I am literally unemployed right now. And instead of applying for jobs constantly, I am sitting on my ass and looking at a cat sweater on forever21.com.

But on the other hand, I feel like I kind of do need some time to decompress from the whirlwind of insanity that has been my life since.. uh.. LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME. Yes, I was in Europe for the first 3.5 months of 2012, but the part of that time that wasn't spent being an au pair was spent applying for jobs and finalizing travel plans. Then from the moment my plane landed at LaGuardia, its been a flipping crazy roller coaster ride.
I really need to slow down and figure out my shit.
Maybe I can do some nanny-ing or something. Idk. We shall see.

For now, its like 3am. Bedtime.