so self conscious that you're angry;

I was an overweight child. Overweight and ridiculously tall to boot. I was close to 100lbs in 3rd grade and close to 5 feet tall in 4th.

The first time I realized I was "fat" was in kindergarten, when the zipper got stuck on my fluffy winter coat, and another kid told me it wouldn't zip because I was fat.
I'm not sure how I reacted at the time- probably said nothing- but I cried over it at home.

As I got older, I never liked the way I looked. I thought it was a given that I was just an unattractive person. I was never big on weighing myself though, thank God, or else I am sure my self esteem would have been much worse. And I have never legitimately had an eating disorder, but I have definitely struggled with ... something like that, which I will not elaborate on here. (If you do want to know more though, feel free to ask me privately.)

My point is I have felt utterly worthless, self-concious to the point of fury, and have wanted to literally just STOP EATING and be thin for once in my life.

Everyone has a different definition of the ideal body though. What's mine?

To me the ideal body is a small frame, of course, a teeny bit tall (maybe like 5'5'') and I guess a shape something like Jennifer Aniston, where they have the hour glass shape, but extremely toned hips/thighs/ass and very thin limbs and tiny waist.
I would give up my medium frame and pear shaped body for that any day.

But there are some people who would hate that type of body.
Everyone has different opinions & a different definition of beauty.

To some fool out there, maybe I already have the ideal body type! (Crazy thought, right?)

My point here is, you have to realize what your body is meant to look like. Find YOUR ideal, not the ideal of the media. Not everyone can be model thin.
Do you have wider set hip bones? Then guess what- you will never fit into a size zero jean. Its just not happening, even if your thighs are rail thin.
Big boobs? Always going to have to buy bigger shirts.

This is the body you were given, and you cannot healthily 'improve' it until you learn to appreciate it for what it is.

I believe in eating healthy and I applaud people who exercise regularly because Lord knows I am too lazy for that. Lately my "work out" is speed-walking up 6th Avenue trying to dart around tourists.
But you can only go so far.

When people say they are working towards bodily "perfection," that really bothers me.
Perfection is an unattainable ideal.
You will never get to it.
You will reach one goal and find something else to improve, and if you let this road continue too long you will end up in the hospital for over-exertion or under-nourishment.

Your body IS perfect, but you will never be able to see that.

Do yourself a favor and wake up every day with the knowledge that you are you and you are enough.

That's all.