shining, shimmering, splendid;

Okay! Well. Its time to write some real life words on this thing and not stupid momentary emo words.

Work is going alright.. I am slowly getting used to catering, and I guess I just have to get in a groove where I can be chill yet meticulous about it and stuff. I am getting there..
And I got a second job at a trendy clothing store for little girls. The manager there seems quite nice, and I am probs going to be doing about 20hrs. a week there. It'll give me the opportunity to add something to my resume while making a bit of extra cash! So yay for that. I think. I'm a little intimidated by the idea of having 2 jobs, but I have definitely been busy for more hours a week than I am about to be (with school, theatre, and work in the past) so hopefully it'll be okay and enjoyable.

I just sat outside for like an hour and spoke to Erin Mayfield on the phone about life and stuff. And we sat there talking about how we want to NOT settle down and go to other countries and stuff. And as I sat there, I looked at the countless amounts of lightning bugs flying around me, and I decided that as much as I want to get the hell out of here and see the world, I also need to realize the beauty that is right here. I can't waste my time here wishing to be somewhere else.

I do like it here. Its cool. But I am ready to move on.

Which is why I have decided that I would love to spend some months or a year or something in Italy working as an aupair. This would be pretty ideal, because it would allow me to have a kind of job and make money, have a safe & comfy place to stay and a nice family to help me not be lost and stuff, and at the same time I would get to LIVE IN A NEW COUNTRY and become accustomed to a completely different culture and stuff.
The reason I feel I have put off so many varying Europe plans is because I am worried I won't be satisfied with the experience I have there. I want to get to KNOW Europe, not be rushed through it. I want to do it right. And I think that for me, this might be the answer to that. :) I hope. I really want this to work out.

So that is the news.
There are also things that are more realistic that I am looking forward to such as going parasailing this summer, hopefully going to see Adele in concert the day after my birthday, going to Carowinds, and things like that. I need to make the most of the rest of my time in North Carolina, because I am pretty determined at this point to get out of here in January.

I hope I can do it.
I hope that when that time comes, I will have the strength to make it happen.

Goodnight all.

for me it isn't over;

I just want to be enough for someone. And it hurts to know I'll never be that.

----

I feel like I spent all that money and got my passport for no reason at all.
Everyone and their brother is gallivanting across the world so it seems lately and I am stuck here because I have to keep working or else I'll be broke and homeless and that is the story of my life. Because I cannot get behind because if I do there will be no one to bail me out. I can't take time off to go anywhere that's going to take more than like 2-3 days. That's just how it is.

I feel like I will forever be stuck living this incredibly boring life.

I apologize for the self pity rampage, but this is just how I feel right now.
Yep.

nothing matters;

I have tears hiding behind my eyes.

I got called for an interview for a second job, which is great. I have time for another job, definitely, because I feel like all I ever do is sit on my ass at home and watch television. But I do have a job. That I do love a lot. Doing catering now has allowed me to get to have some great bonding time with Gracie, and fun conversations with Edgar & Hugo.. But I never get to talk to Jackie or Sarai or Olivia or Kevin anymore which is quite unfortunate. But I am so blessed to have been given this opportunity.. putting together catering orders is like.. a really big responsibility when you think about it! People are paying a lot for that shit, and they expect it to be done with extreme care. And sometimes I am absent minded about things like large sporks, which is bad..

BUT the past week or so I have kicked catering's ass and I think everything is fine. So yay.

But anyway, catering means a little more money, but less hours per week... So, with that, plus the fact that I have nothing else happening in my life AT ALL: second job. I hope it works out. Because I also really need something else to add to my resume.

I still have no idea what is going to happen to me in January when my lease runs out. -_-

In other news, I have been dying to get a pet for MONTHS now. I was going to get an HIV positive rabbit via craigslist in the spring, but I chickened out basically about the commitment, so I didn't get it. I still feel a little bad about that. It would have been ideal.

Now I have my heart set on getting a cat though, maybe a rabbit in the future. I feel like rabbits are a bit more high maintenance with the cage cleaning and all that. But anyway, I have been browsing pet adoption websites for over a week now, mulling it all over. I was thinking that I should get an older cat, that would be more chill, and less likely to get adopted by someone else.
But no one thinks I should except myself and Gracie.
Which is a little bit of a piss off.
But... whatever, I guess I'll hold off on getting a fucking cat.

As you can see, I am slightly bitter about this matter.

It happens.

I have more things to say, but I am

i said it cause i can;

I don't really want to do anything today.
This is justified considering the fact that Leslie's wedding weekend was SUPER exhausting for me, but... it is rather unfortunate because I have to do some stuff.
Like make a music video for Jurga's birthday which is Tuesday. And mail that check to Leslie. And get a gift for her.. and get gifts for other people who have events happening soon which merit gifting.
But the only productive thing I've done today is get gas.
Meh.

I am also really frustrated considering some frustrating issues which have arisen.

But. Whatever.
People are really dumb for real sometimes.

I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. Why is it so difficult?! Why is it that even when asked what my IDEAL job would be, I have no answer?!
Buhhh.

Today is super boring, yet I lack the energy to get off my ass and make it interesting.

----------------
Quote that needs to be shouted from the rooftops at the moment:

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." -Maya Angelou

just chillin in my snuggie;

I really need to start blogging more.
To be honest, it makes no sense whatsoever that I've been avoiding it. The only explanation is that now that school is over I am a lot less inclined to do anything at all that involves thought. Or words.
Anyway, work related things.. uh.. I am a for real catering assistant now. Got my new name tag today and was far too excited about it. I still love everyone who I work with a lot. Its the same. Still wondrous.
I live in a new place now. It is a cute place and ERIN LIVES HERE with me. And that is good news. I love her a lot. And life is good here. :)

Nothing else is happening.
I am trying to figure out what I want to do with my life in the future... and I have no thoughts on the matter. I just want someone to like.. make me an offer. Or make the decision for me.
Its a problem.

Anyway. This entry makes it pretty clear as to why my blog has been so barren lately. And I have been awake since 4am. Sleep times now.