Here's the thing that is terrifying about my future.
My entire life, I have been expected to be above average. In school, I had to make all As, in band- first chair, in choir- loud & enthusiastic, in theatre- please everyone NEVER mess up and help other people with their parts, as a stage manager- a PRISTINE notebook and flawless shows, at work- never mess up anything ever ever ever. Even when I meet celebrities I have to be super memorable- need I reference the time Stacy London called me up in front of about 500 people to give me a beer? haha
I have a much more competitive nature than I let on. I am easily envious and I hate feeling like I am one step behind everyone else.
What I'm saying here is, I basically give myself SUPER high expectations. I don't have to just get a job- I have to become someone important. I want to be significant, influential, inspiring. I want to be awesome, basically.
I am also highly unsure what type of awesome I am looking for, but I am kind of hoping that will just come together on its own.
This whole like.. searching for a future thing is really frustrating and daunting and yeah. BUH.
PS. My host mom bought me jewelry today!! She is so so sweet. And those museums today were not as boring as I anticipated, and the kids were a lot happier than I anticipated them being, so it went fine. I am pretty exhausted now.
PSS. Someone remind me to send this host family a package when I get back to the US as a thank you!!
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