Lately I have been making a conscious effort every day to think positive, be in a good mood despite whatever is happening, and to be more open about saying kind things to people and be less inhibited.
It has been a success, if I do say so myself.
But like, sometimes random things will happen that make me doubt myself.
I don't get why this is the UMPTEENTH TIME that I have been in a state of complete adoration/admiration for someone who I respect a lot and would follow off the edge of a cliff blindfolded if they told me to, who seems to want nothing to do with me.
Why do I always chase the love that alludes me?
Why does it always seem like this one will be different?
Why isn't it different?
Something always happens. Some sort of a setback.
And it leaves me wondering why its happening again and what I could have done to cause it and am I annoying or stupid or a freak or just not good enough?!
What never ceases to baffle me is how each time, I get a new vibe, from the person, showing me that they are different... And then they aren't.
And I just keep loving and adoring and admiring them and hoping I guess that they don't think of me as the most annoying person alive.
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