I feel the need to write a blog post about the fact that my bff/person I am going to live with presumably for my entire life starting in June(ish) has left to study abroad in Paris for the ENTIRE SCHOOL YEAR.
I went to her house last night (since I couldn't come say goodbye at the airport because of work) to give us some final time to just hang out and be in the same room.
Erin was really flustered, but we watched a silent DVD of a musical revue she was in in high school and ate pizza and her mother sang 'Tie a Yellow Ribbon' while we held hands, stared at the ceiling and walked around in circles. It was kind of amazing.
I decided at about 8:30 that I needed to leave "soon," but then basically didn't end up leaving till.. ohhh, about 2 hours later. Maybe a bit more.
I hate goodbyes, but I am the type of person who, if a goodbye is going to happen, I want it to be a GOOD ONE DANGIT.
And this one was pretty epic, in a horrifically devastating way.
We sang Total Eclipse of the Heart and Tatoue Moi and Vivir en Crever at each other and after clutching each other for a long time started resigning ourselves to take one step at a time away from each other...
At the end, I was standing right by my car door and she was standing by her garage, and then I was like "How about I just leave really quickly like a bandaid?"
Erin replied, "I think we missed out on the bandaid approach..."
So then I was like, "Ok well what if I run over there and give you ONE MORE HUG and then run back and leave immediately??!"
Erin was skeptical that this plan would work, but I had confidence in it.
So, she set an ALARM on her phone for one minute later (yes, this is how in love we are) and I ran over there and we hugged some more and Erin was like "Are you SURE you can't come with me to France?"
I sighed. "That would mess up all the stuff in my life... except for the important parts."
At that moment it became shockingly clear to me that everything important in life can be found in friendship and love and happiness and togetherness. Everything else is just what we do so that we can maintain things we WANT.. material things.
So, I feel like, in order to balance out the mundane, we have to have the love and the friendship and the togetherness. That is what puts the magic in gridlock and loneliness. Best friends. The best of best friends- so much that we can basically just gaze at each other and know what the other person is thinking, and how great it would be if we could just STAY like that forever. Together.
(And someday we will.)
Anyway, the alarm went off and we both let out disappointed exclamatory remarks, and I left.
I cried like a MOFO on the way home. And nothing on the radio was satisfying my need to EMOTE. So I just turned the crap off and cried in silence and talked to myself like an insane person. And then eventually I turned the radio back on and sang some sad songs with it and kept crying...
And right now, Erin is on her way to France.
I think... No, I KNOW we will be okay. We have an unbreakable bond. We are going to live together forever when she gets back and its going to be GREAT. This year, though I will miss her like its my job, will be a good year. She is going to explore and grow and have a spectacular time abroad, and I am going to learn and grow and become more independent here.
It will be good. We will be fantastic independently, and then, when she gets back, we will be fantastic together.
I am incredibly proud of Erin. She is an impeccably beautiful person. :)
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