i'd be drizzle & you'd be a hurricane

You don't owe me anything, so stop trying to give me what you think you owe me. I don't want it. The world is not your charity case.

Stop acting like I want pity. I don't. Just let me be what I want to be. And stop thinking you're the only one who has the right to complain.
Get over yourself.

I wish you saw through the masks I wear. Because I am sick of everything but you, and you've moved on because you know you're better than me.

I don't know what you're trying to be to me, but its not working. Give me all or nothing.

I wish you could see that you get absolutely everything you want and leave me with nothing. And we all know its because I am hopelessly boring and you are endlessly fascinating.

I wish guys didn't have to be so typical all the time. Go out on a limb and try being honest for once. We'd both be happier in the end...

At this point, there is nothing but bitterness when I look back. But at the same time, no matter how long its been and no matter how much you've hurt me, I will always say I love you.

Thanks for coming into my life just to continue the pattern of betrayal. Means a lot. Peace.

so take what you will.
you won't find much of anything.

fly away

“She was elusive. She was today. She was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow of an elf owl. We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we tried to pin her to corkboard like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew.”
-Jerry Spinelli

"I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and she was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane."
-John Green, Looking for Alaska

“Thomas Edison’s last words were: ‘It’s very beautiful over there.’ I don’t know where there is, but i believe it’s somewhere, and I hope it’s beautiful.”
-John Green, Looking for Alaska

“Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaking suspicion… love actually is all around.”
-Love Actually

"She doesn't even know my name. And even if she did, she'd despise me. She's the coolest girl in school and everyone worships her because she's heaven."
-Love Actually

“Dare I say I miss him? I do. I miss him. I still see him in my dreams. They are nightmares mostly, but nightmares tinged with love. Such is the strangeness of the human heart.”
-Yann Martel, The Life of Pi

“How bitterly glad I am to see you. You bring joy and pain in equal measure. Joy because you are with me, but pain because it won’t be for long. What do you know about the sea? Nothing. What do I know about the sea? Nothing. Without a driver this bus is lost. Our lives are over. Come aboard if your destination is oblivion— It should be our next stop. We can sit together. You can have the window seat, if you want. But it’s a sad view. Oh enough of this dissembling. Let me say plainly: I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.”
-Yann Martel, Life of Pi

"If we discovered that we had only five minutes left to say all we wanted to say, every telephone booth would be occupied by people calling other people to stammer that they loved them."
-Christopher Morley

“So much of the language of love was like that: you devoured someone with your eyes, you drank in the sight of him, you swallowed him whole. Love was sustenance, broken down and beating through your bloodstream.”
-Jodi Picoult, Nineteen Minutes

“If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream."
-Martin Luther King Jr.

“Everything about him made her long for something she had never known.”
-Nicholas Sparks

“Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.”
—Anne Frank

creativity.

1. Creativity flourishes in a place of safety and acceptance.
2. Creativity grows among friends, withers among enemies.
3. All creative ideas are children who deserve our protection.
4. All creative success requires creative failure.
5. Fulfilling our creativity is a sacred trust.
6. Violating someone’s creativity violates a sacred trust.
7. Creative feedback must support the creative child, never shame it.
8. Creative feedback must build on strengths, never focus on weaknesses.
9. Success occurs in clusters and is born in generosity.
10. The good of another can never block our own.

Thanks Ken Strong. <3

the hills are alive

Jordi: Next time a basketball game comes on, we are going to Jack Spratt, and we're having a beer! We're all 21...

Me: ...I don't like sports...

Jordi: Fine. Next time THE SOUND OF MUSIC comes on...

Me: Yayyyy! The Sound of Music!!!

Jordi: Kelley.. stop it right now.

:)

again for false attention; again youre breakin inside

So for the past few days I have basically been bursting with information that I need to share with people but there are very very few people I trust enough to talk about it with.

Not because its something bad or freakishly weird.

Just because I find it weird to talk about.

Because I am weird.

Therefore, this blog is relatively pointless.

but... life is good & confusing.

as it should be.

:)

the 7 things i like about you

What's something you'd automatically hate someone for?
i make it a point not to hate anyone, but i might have to go with ewin on this and say i would hate someone (at least temporarily) if they killed someone i loved. .. or deeply harmed someone i loved.

How's life treating you?
not too bad!

Have plans for summer? If so, what?
GUH NO. i need some. someone please give me housing and an internship!!

Are you avoiding anyone right now?
nope

What was the last song you had on repeat for a good while?
hahaha.. Voodoo Child. yay music I love because it was on Doctor Who!

What was the last thing you couldn't believe?
uhm. i have no idea

Do you think that if you die young, you'll be remembered?
not really. not notably anyway.

Did you learn anything new today? If so, what?
uhm. i guess i learned some philosophy crap. lol.

What was the last movie you watched?
effing Shadow in the North. & BILLIE PIPER WAS SAD. *sob*

Who or what caused you to be in the mood you're in now?
no mood here

Ever wanted to tell someone something, but couldn't?
obviously.

Do you believe in karma?
not really. God's got it together. no need for such things.

Ever sang to someone?
totes

Have you ever felt like you had lost it all?
ish

What was the last dream you had about?
i dreamed that I was the Doctor's companion and obviously David Tennant was the Doctor and he was in a room doing some computer related stuff trying to save the universe and I was in a field surrounded by a fence and there was a small building and some random people and I had to disintegrate things with a laser gun. it was cray. i was dividin some bloody atoms like rose tyler. hotcha! fierce.

Are you planning on having kids?
not naturally

Last time you held hands with someone of the opposite sex?
....lets not discuss such things. i need a man.

What are you listening to?
leigh talking about things that smell good.

Besides this what are you doing?
sitting here

Do you know anyone who drinks a lot?
yesh

How was last night?
fine. i had rehearsal and h2h. :)

What happened at 9:00 a.m. today?
i was getting ready for class

When was the last time you really laughed?
today at rehearsal when Meredith made that bird noise.. Jordi and I about passed out laughing. :)

What color shirt are you wearing?
purple sweater dress

You're thinking about someone right now, aren't you?
guh. ish.

What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
idk. i talked to Jamie and she was in Chicago NOT freaking out!

What are you doing later?
watching Doctor Who with the roomie and homework and sleep

This time last year, were you single?
yessssssss.

Will you be in bed in the next 20 minutes?
nope

Does seeing couples in love make you mad?
no

Are there any people who don't like you?
HA. oh yes.

Is anything wrong?
ish. lol.

Do you wear glasses?
nope

Do you trust people?
definitely not as easily as i used to.

but what can i say?

i still love those who destroy me.

Are you looking forward to something as of right now?
the weekend. *sighofrelief*

Have you ever crimped your hair?
mhm

Who was the last person who texted you?
Jordi.

What are your plans for tomorrow?
sleeping in-ish, class, nap?, other lame activities, rehearsal, futon time?, sleep.

What did your last text message say?
ohh.. after looking, i see that my last text was from twitter, not Jordi. its just stacy being a twitter whore again. ;)

Why is your relationship status the way it is?
because im a loser in love so baby, raise a glass to mend all the broken hearts of all my wrecked up friends. gaga.

Have you ever kissed anyone you weren't dating?
family.. ? lol. friends.. haha.

Do you think the last person you kissed cares for you?
mrf. who knows.

Do you think the person you like likes you back?
good PETE i am so annoyed. i hope effing so.

What were you doing at 11 last night?
uhm. i think i was in erin's room procrastinating.

What was the last thing you drank?
water

Reason behind the last time you cried really hard?
uhhhh i has no idea.

How many letters are in your middle name?
7

What's something you CAN'T wait for?
meh. im chill.

What time did you go to sleep last night?
too late

Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
nope.

Do you believe that there's good in everyone?
yeah, definitely

In the past week, have you cried?
yeah

Is there someone in your life you wish you never met?
no

Did you sleep well last night?
mhmmm

Are you missing someone right now?
ofcourse.

Has anything happened to you within the past month that has made you angry?
psh yeah

What are you exactly wearing?
purple sweater dress & black tights

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
mm. flood people.

Has anyone put their arms around you in the past five days?
yeah

Do you have any plans for the weekend?
good pete. rehearsal.

Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with?
idk. no one likes to listen to my deep conversations so i tend to avoid doing the talking in them. always happy to listen though.

Are your eyes the same color as your dad's?
yeah

Is there someone that you used to talk to every single day but you don't now?
absolutely

Where did you last go out to eat and who with?
peppers w/ erin :) she is a glorious person. as are you, EWIN!

Are you a nice person?
i am.

Will you keep your last name when you get married?
depends

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
doubtful

What were you doing at midnight last night?
chillin w. erin & tara

Is your last name longer than 6 letters?
no

Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
nope

Where is your biological father right now?
home

Whats your favorite number?
7

What do you wish to have in the next few months?
a man would be nice. some peace with what im doing this summer.

Where are you?
room

Honestly, what are you thinking about right now?
a lot

What are your thoughts on Valentine's Day?
i like it, but.. meh

Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date?
SHUTUP

Would you kiss someone right now?
haha ohhh yeah. where is david tennant when you need him?!?

Do you love the color pink?
i like it

Do you kiss on the first date?
its not classy but in some circumstances- like if the guy was a friend first- then perhaps i would

Do you like any 'manly' activities like hunting, fishing, or camping?
NOOOOOOOO

Have you ever dated anyone on your top friends?
top friends!? this aint myspace, ho.

How many of your top friends have you kissed?
again. we're over it with the ways of 2006.

Have you ever used your bra to hold things like you would a pocket?
haha yes

Are you a shop-a-holic?
nope

Would you date the last person you texted?
im not a lesbian, so no

Have you ever dated someone more than three years older than you?
no

Do you cry during sad movies?
yeahhh sometimes

Who was the last person to see you cry?
i have NO idea

Have you ever felt used?
YES, GUHFGRLSDHRHFO:IUDSIH:OUSIUS:HO:. ... =]]

What do you think of red lipstick?
Demi. :)

Do you ever leave the house without make up?
yeah.. its not cute.

Do you tan?
NO, not by choice.. i just tan in the sun when i walk around .. it takes like 5mins.

Have you ever gone for someone despite knowing they were bad for you?
kinda

Are diamonds really a girls best friend?
nah

Gold or silver?
silver

What is your favorite scent?
nicki & libby's perfumes. i have answered this question the same way since i was like 15.

Is smoking a turn-off?
def

What is the perfect date?
nothing specific.. just anything fun & romantic with someone amazing

Is there a certain tv show you get upset if you miss?
Desperate Housewives, LOST..

What is your favorite movie?
there are several

When was the last time you slept at someone else's house?
at erin's for new years

Was that someone of the same or opposite sex?
same

What is one food you always crave?
dr pepper & cookies

Are you an exercise freak?
haha NOPE

What scares you more, spiders or snakes?
depends

Do you expect to be married in the next two years?
no way

What would you do if you found out you were pregnant?
well.. that would be weird.

Was the last person to call you male or female and who?
leigh, female

Do you wish on shooting stars?
i never see any!

Who do you vent to when something is bothering you?
depends on the situation.. Jamie, Erin, Ewin, Leslie... Taylor.

Do you have someone who is protective of you?
uhm. not that i know of.

Have you ever had a crush on a sibling's friend?
i have no siblings

What is the corniest pick-up line someone's ever used on you?
haha i dont ever hear anyone say those corny ones .. ever. anywhere.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders?
way too long

Do you prefer showers or baths?
shower

Have you ever dated someone with a child?
no and i def dont think i would unless i was like 30

Have you ever dated someone shorter than you?
no. lol.

Do you secretly still love to dress up for Halloween?
TOTES!

Have you kissed anyone today?
no

Will you kiss anyone tomorrow?
doubtful

Are you addicted to texting?
no..

If you and your best friend got arrested, what would it be for?
uhm. ... i have no idea.

i am sick of everything but you.

I have so much to do that I don't know where to begin. I am lacking the motivation for any of it. All I want to do is sleep and travel and cuddle and watch Doctor Who.

CATS (which is now cast, thank the Lord- rehearsals begin tomorrow) is keeping me mildly sane, but the props are the bane of my existence, and I hope to enlist some help from Lauren (Ellie the music director's roomie) to make them.

blargh.

I am sick of everything

except for the select few people who I can actually deal with at the moment.

I feel like I should just start making stupid decisions like several people I have talked to recently and then tell them after and shock the poo out of them.

But sadly I don't have that opportunity.

Also I really hope I don't have a meeting tonight so that maybe (keyword MAYBE) I can finish my homework and sleep.

Also, David Tennant is the cutest little guy ever. Even though he is really quite tall.

no benny, to you.

So, I am pretty late on the New Year's Resolutions Boat, but .. here are mine anyway.

1. Stop procrastinating... and therein, actually do all the homework (including reading) for all my classes. (Leigh, you might have to keep me going on this one. :P)

2. Start doing Zumba again. IF I HAVE ANY TIME AT ALL. [I don't want it to stress me out further, so, when I don't have a conflict with zumba, I should go.]

3. Go to either NYC or London. Odds are slim that I will get to both, which would be ideal, but I reallyyyy need to make it to one. :)

4. Be wise in my eating choices, but not overly restricting.

5. Always be reading. I don't want to give myself a certain number of books to read, but I want to have a book that I am in the process of reading at all times, and to read at least a little bit every other day or so.

6. Be confident.

7. Look to God for my assurance that tomorrow will be okay, and focus back on Him.

8. Earn some money. Somehow.

I think that's all but I might add more later..

round my hometown

So basically, its the first day of classes and I can already tell that this semester is going to be epically exhausting and ridiculously hectic. But I mean, when is that NOT the case?!

Here is what's going on-

5 classes- 3 of which are JOMC, and not a one will be a cop out. fail.

CATS- Stage Manager, Propmaster, Sound Designer/Board Op. wth.

H2H- singing. yes. yes.

IV- planning things maybepossibly? and being stupidly overworked at random moments.

trying to figure out what i'm doing this summer.

working out housing plans (off campus) for next year.

being distracted by tv, facebook, and other random things.

Oh, and I'm sick right now.

Which is making me like.. way more exhausted than usual. bleh.

I have been ready to go to bed since I woke up this morning. lol.

blargh.

but.

there is always that something.. or that someone.. who makes you believe that there is a small glimmer of a chance that this time it might be different.

:)

agloe, new york

So I just finished reading Paper Towns by John Green and it was incredible. I really couldn't put it down, and I haven't read a book that kept me that engaged in a long time.

I think Quentin was an extremely noble, brilliant character, and Margo matched his brilliance with her elegant mystery. As I read, I could see it all happening. I love it when that happens.

I also really loved the meaning behind the title.. Margo says, "Its a paper town. I mean look at it, Q: look at all those cul-de-sacs, those streets that turn in on themselves, all the houses that were built to fall apart. All those paper people living in their paper houses, burning the furniture to stay warm. All the paper kids drinking beer some bum bought for them at the paper convenience store. Everyone demented with the mania of owning things. All the things paper-thin and paper-frail. All of the people too. I've lived here for eighteen years and I have never once in my life come across anyone who cares about anything that matters."

Ironically, this paper town problem has been on my mind a lot lately. The pointlessness of these ridiculous things we do because society says we have to. But what does it all matter?? Guh. I'm not going to get into my frustration at the world right now, but.. yeah. That's all.

Good book.

bad wolf

this is what rose says to the doctor at the end of season 1 when she saves his life by looking into the time vortex in the TARDIS.

i am the bad wolf

i create myself

i take the words

i scatter them

in time & space

a message to leave myself here

[i want you safe

my doctor

protected from the false god]

you are tiny

i can see the whole of time & space

every single atom of your existence

and i divide them

everything must come to dust

all things

everything dies

the time war ends

how can i let go of this

i bring life..

the sun & the moon

the day & night

why do they hurt?

i can see everything

all that is

all that was

all that ever could be

..i would really like to write an essay on the "wolf" metaphor throughout the entire show because it is SO COOL. i love crap like that.

am i bovered?

I LOVE THIS.

Catherine Tate is incredible.