its all a blur

I'm not sure about this.
My life right now.
I am so jaded towards everything- class, choir, IV, even the show...I'm not sure why.
Towards the end of last semester I was STOKED for this year... then a lot of stupid drama happened, but I was still excited. But now, nope. I'm not. I am over it.
Maybe its because this is junior year? Freshman year you're getting into your niche, finding new opportunities, meeting people, getting acclimated...Then sophomore year you feel better about your life because you know how to DEAL with it all and you're doing everything you want to do and all that. Junior year they say is the hardest academically..which so far is not true. I think LAST semester was as hard as its going to get for me *knockonwood* BUT I haven't really heard much else about what its supposed to be like. Are we the jaded juniors? Or is it just me?? Who knows.

I think I just need some time with God so He can help me get re-energized about all this STUFF.
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It doesn't help that suddenly I think of you and a little twinge of pain and regret shoots up my spine.
Its getting better, but it may never heal.
I don't forget.
I can't.
And every so often there you'll be ... and I'll try not to notice, but...
you're there.
A living mirage.
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You disappear from my life.
But then at some random moment,
you come back.
The cycle continues like this.
You pretend like you're here for me
so I make an effort
and then
you refuse to return the effort
because you MIGHT have other plans
that have not come up yet
but perhaps MIGHT.
Thanks a lot.
That really makes me feel like you care.
Eff.
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Also, the coffee I made today was especially good. I was happy about that.
And I get to go home this weekend, and I am very happy about that.