these lights are killing me;

In short, this summer has been an epic fail. Not enough traveling, not enough productivity, not enough fun, too much eating, too much internet, too much tv, too much being a COMPLETEANDUTTERIMBECILE.

That said; school this semester will be, I hope, the complete opposite. Stage managing a show, doing IV stuff, trying to still be in H2H, classes/homework, wanting to get a job, not having a meal plan, being determined to raise my GPA. All of those things will hopefully work out.

I have also failed at blogging lately.

The person I was & experiences I had (many of them, anyway) seem so surreal now. Its funny how memories fade as time goes by. I kind of hate it actually.
I guess for me, when it comes down to it, even if the memory is killing me, it is better than having nothing to hold on to.
I hate letting go of the people who made me who I am.

I feel like this is the song in your heart:
"I don't remember you, I don't remember you;
I don't recall a single thing we used to say or do.
What dancing the park? What laughter in the dark?
What smoldering fire place that lit your face with every spark?
& if I left you once before, somehow I can't recall it anymore.
That was another girl, you're not at all like her;
though for an instant when you touched me I believed you were.
But I was wrong, this moment is new,
because I can't, I won't,
I don't remember you."

& this is the song in mine:
"Sometimes a day goes by,
one whole entire day when I don't think of [you].
24 hours pass,
I look around & find that I haven't thought of [you].
Not even when I'm somewhere we used to go,
not even if that someone we used to know.
Its hardly every day, its most unusual; in fact,
I can't remember when, but
sometimes a day goes by
when I don't think of [you] till morning comes
& then,
there [you are] again."

ish anyway.
2 great songs btw.


"nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy."
thanks dr so&so on scrubs.
but i think kate voegele says it better
"& everything that's worth having comes with trials worth withstanding"

for the most part, life is decent.
but I am determined to make it better.
I want to become someone.
I just want one moment in time, or better still; I just want TIME, when I'm more than I thought I could be.