bucket list (for now);

watch the sunrise while sitting on a beach

Lush bath in a fancy tub

hot air balloon ride 

waterfall shower 

hiking on a mountain in CA

urban hike across LA 

get a tattoo

get ears pierced again 

swim with fish

swim with dolphins

picnic in a park with friends

meet an elephant

spend  a day at a music festival

go on a street fair shopping spree

road trip up the west coast (pacific coast highway)

visit new zealand

visit africa

go on a hunt for beach glass

kiss someone on a first date (or first time meeting)

adopt a dog

adopt a cat 

get a record player & start vinyl collection

see the northern lights

visit hawaii

visit india- bandhavagh national park (tiger)

do volunteer work abroad

take a surfing lesson

visit the great wall of china

take a photo a day for a year 

HUGE Spring Haul!! LF, Brandy, F21, AE, Aero MORE!

fashion wishlist;

Since I find myself in the midst of a major fashion/shopping craving, I decided to browse the internet and make a list of my current fashion desires.

Brandy Melville dresses (Emily, Abigail, Belle, Renee, Jenelle)

Brandy Melville tops (Mary, Breanne, Hana)

Chelsea boots - flat

Heeled black ankle booties

Charm choker necklaces

Caged back Brandy Melville bralette

Hi-low skirt

Midi-skirt

Maxi dress

Maxi skirt with slits on sides

Wildfox sweater

High waisted Bullhead denim lightwash jeans

Palazzo pants in dark color or print

Distressed light wash denim jacket

black wide-brimmed hat

strappy white heels

Hopefully this will help curb my shopping cravings, at least briefly, and give me more of a goal when I do shop so I don't just keep buying this super similar to what I already have.

is this home;

So, per my resolutions, one of my goals this year is to basically figure out where I want to be and what I want to do in life.

This is no easy task.

Here's the thing.

I am sort of feeling like.. why do I even live in NYC? Like I do love the city, but its so expensive and without being sure what sort of career I want, it may be more sensible to move somewhere else. I don't know.

I've been researching "best places to live in the US" in a plethora of categories, from "best seaside towns" to "best places for young professionals" and I am not finding anything terribly desirable! California cities top the list, but that is SO FAR away! I would much prefer to stay on the east coast, and guess what state has the best cities?

GUESS!


NORTH. CAROLINA.

....yep.


So... I am annoyed by that. haha. I moved out of NC because I was done with it. And the next top place seems to be Florida and then there's places like Seattle and Wisconsin and other random places.

What do I even want out of a city? Let's make a list.

-diversity of culture & people
-urban areas or at least a downtown area where there are things to do
-public transportation
-affordable housing
-a nice apartment (ie somewhere with good closet space, carpet, modern appliances, basically a place that is well maintained)
-somewhere I can find a nice community of like minded people (so basically not somewhere that's stupidly conservative)
-decent theatre and live music options
-living near the ocean would be a huge bonus
-affordable healthcare
-decent employment opportunities
-proximity to my friends & family (ie probably not moving to the west coast anytime soon unless someone wants to volunteer to come with me)
-good options in terms of necessities like groceries and clothing and stuff

Anyway, this has been a very all-over-the-place post, but I just wanted to think all this through. I'll keep you updated. :)

i just have so many feelings;

I've come to a point in my life where I want to be in a relationship.

Growing up, I always assumed that someday I would get married and have kids and do the traditional family thing, because I never really thought there was another option. Oddly, when I was about 8 years old, I specifically recall fantasizing about being an adult driving a pink convertible (like my Barbie doll had), working as a veterinarian (which obviously is no longer a desire), and DIVORCED. I have no idea why this was part of the fantasy, but I think I just always saw myself as independent. I never imagined myself being in a relationship with someone forever.

I am sure there are a plethora of ways to dig into that and rip apart my psyche, but let's not do that right now.

Anyway, time went on, and in college I began realizing the other options. I don't want to get married, so why should I? I have ZERO desire to have children, so maybe I'll just not?

I dated in college of course, but for the past couple years (maybe 3 years actually) I've considered myself "single by choice." Now don't get me wrong, if I had happened to meet someone who I clicked with and felt attracted to who happened to be attracted to me then hey, let's date. But I have never been the type to really pursue a relationship. I am awful at meeting new people, absolutely awful at it. If I go to a bar, no matter who talks to me, I give them the bitch face. I guess I just really don't respond well to people when I KNOW that the only reason they're talking to me is because we are in a bar and they are looking to get laid.

I suppose that's not the case with EVERYONE, but its the case that comes to mind.

The thing is, I really don't like all the games that come with 'playing the field' and stuff.. Like.. its honestly just exhausting to think about dating, especially in NYC where its like ok.. If I have a date that means I go there straight from work, don't get out of it until MAYBE 9pm, then am home at 10 and have to squeeze in a workout, a shower, cooking lunch for the next day, etc. And the fact that I would have to do this many times to find someone who I actually really liked? UGH. Just too much. I don't get why it has to be so hard.

I just want to like have someone who is a friend first, who I can talk to and who enjoys talking to me. I really need that friendship base with someone. I want it to feel organic and like one of those situations where you just have this impenetrable connection with someone that just sticks with you.

Anyway, that is how I've been feeling and I just wanted to express it.

2015 resolutions;

I've been intending to write out my New Year's resolutions for a couple weeks now, but have neglected to do so. My biggest resolution this year is to figure out my life. I know that probably sounds weird but I honestly think that if I put my mind to it, make some lists, really think about what I want, I can do it. I'm reading this book now called Unlimited by Jillian Michaels, which is basically a self-help book for uncovering your dreams & shit. It is helping, but I have to do some work to make it all pay off, obvs.

With that in mind, here are my resolutions:

1. Uncover my dreams. I want to figure out what type of career I REALLY want, where I want to live (maybe its New York, maybe it isn't!) and what sort of life I want to have in all aspects. You may be thinking like, "WTF dude how do you NOT know what you want?!" but let me tell you.. I don't. I can see myself being decently happy in lots of scenarios but I want to figure out what I REALLY really want. This may take the whole year, I don't know. But that is the goal.

2. Go greener. I want to go more organic with my makeup & hair & skin regime. Replace anything that runs out with an organic substitute. This shouldn't be too hard.

3. Travel more. I want to really get better at this. I need to make more time to visit NC and see my parents and friends there. I also want to do at least one legitimate vacation and maybe a smaller weekend trip somewhere.

4. Do more. I really need to do more with my time and take more opportunities to spend time with friends and stuff. I want my life to be more dynamic and the only way that will happen is if I get off Netflix. Well, sometimes. :)

adios, 2014;

• 1. What did you do in 2014 that you'd never done before?

  • became a makeup enthusiast, went to West Palm Beach, spent Christmas alone, got a rabbit.. among many other things!

  
  

  • 2:Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
  • PRETTY MUCH YES I DID!! the only ones I didn't do were 'read more' & 'add variety to my routine' .. I did the latter to an extent, but not as much as I'd intended
  • I do plan to make 2015 resolutions! the past couple years the resolution thing has worked out well, and I have high hopes for 2015
  • 
    
  • 3:Did anyone close to you give birth?
  • Catherine! though she is geographically very far away
  • 
    
  • 4:Did anyone close to you die?
  • Jenn's dad- though I never met him, that was a really difficult time for our apartment. My boss' dad also passed, which was a hard time for my work family
  
  

  • 5:What countries did you visit?
  • none outside of the US sadly
  • 
    
  • 6:What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?
  • direction in my career, a significant other, a tax return (had to PAY last year UGH)
  • 
    
  • 7:What dates from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
  • I don't really get attached to dates.. the trip to West Palm will be a forever memory though

  
  

  • 8:What was your biggest achievement of the year?
  • reuniting with Erin (because I love her and that was SO IMPORTANT TO ME), fully owning who I am
  • 
    
  • 9:What was your biggest failure?
  • not sure! I feel pretty good about how I've grown this year, so I prefer to keep focused on the positive at the moment :) 
  • 
    
  • 10:Did you suffer illness or injury?
  • nothing too bad- the worst thing though was when I was on the Upper East Side before going to work (at my boss' apartment watering her plants) and got these AWFULLLLL CRAMPS like literally could not move.. sat there for an hour moaning in pain.. finally got an uber to take me to my apartment (so like an hour drive) because I could NOT go to work.. almost barfed in the uber.. barfed twice immediately upon getting home and literally laid in bed ALL day.. ate a pint of Ben & Jerry's at like 9pm

  
  
  • 11:What was the best thing you bought?
  • CUTE CLOTHING- LOTS OF IT, tickets to West Palm Beach, my Macbook Air
  • 
    
  • 12:Whose behaviour merited celebration?
  • Erin, Jenn, my coworkers
  • 
    
  • 13:Whose behaviour made you appalled?
  • lol a particular person ... obviously not going to say a name jeez 
  • 14:Where did most of your money go?
  • rent, Macbook Air, utilities, groceries, clothing..
  • 
    
  • 15:What did you get really, really, really excited about?
  • WEST PALM BEACH!! REUNITING WITH ERIN!!!
  • 
    
  • 16:What song will always remind you of 2014?
  • Chandelier- Sia; Let it Go- Frozen

  
  

  • 17:Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
  • happier, thinner, about the same
  • 
    
  • 18:What do you wish you’d done more of?
  • travel, hanging out with people and seizing opportunities
  • 
    
  • 19:What do you wish you’d done less of?
  • spending money, feeling insecure
  
  

  • 20:How did you spend Christmas?
  • LOL in my pjs eating spaghetti squash and watching old episodes of Roseanne (yes I literally just said ROSEANNE) on Netflix
  • 
    
  • 21:Did you fall in love in 2014?
  • yeeeeeeaaahhhhhhhhh ish

  
  

  • 22:What was your favourite TV program?
  • Pretty Little Liars, SVU, How To Get Away With Murder
  • 
    

  24. How will you see in the New Year?
  Coney Island ball drop & fireworks!
  
  

  • 23:Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
  • I choose not to hate, but the answer would be no in any case
  • 
    
  • 24:What was the best book you read?
  • currently reading Unlimited by Jillian Michaels and it is AMAZING
  • 
    
  • 25:What was your greatest musical discovery?
  • SO MUCH OMG but probably Betty Who is my new favorite 

  • 26:What did you want and get?
  • a Macbook Air, a vacation, a rabbit
  • 
    
  • 27:What did you want and not get?
  • a new phone
  • 
    
  • 28:What was your favourite film of this year?
  • idk I didn't see enough movies to pick one to be honest

  
  

  
  

  31. What did you do on your birthday?

  I had to work that day but we had cupcakes & Thai food at work and Jenn made me shrimp creole and cake and I took myself on a shopping spree

  
  

  32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

  If I'd had more of a sense of direction for my career and life in general

  
  

  33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014?

  my style has changed a LOT! I am taking more risks with my style and have a much more diverse closet.. I love girly pieces like skater skirts and crop tops but am also loving a BIT of the sporty trends and have tons on 90s influences in my style. Basically I have loved clothing this year and am having so much fun with it.

  
  

  34. What kept you sane?

  my friends, and the quality time I spend with tumblr & Netflix

  
  

  35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

  Troian Bellisario & Jillian Michaels

  
  

  36. What political issue stirred you the most?

  Mike Brown/Eric Garner/Tamir Rise... #blacklivesmatter 

  
  

  37. Who did you miss?

  Nicki, Samantha, Jamie & Cherie
  
  
  38. Who was the best new person you met?
  my rabbit
  
  39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014.
  

  

  
  
  40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
  Alone Again- Betty Who.. just the whole song
  
  41. What was your favourite moment of the year?
  the trip to West Palm Beach.. reuniting with Erin.. getting the rabbit..
  
  42. What was your least favourite moment of the year?
  those moments where I just got so frustrated with everything that I didn't know how to deal
  
  43. Where were you when 2014 began?
  Chris & Jessie's apartment
  
  44. Who were you with?
  Chris, Jessie, Jenn, Heather, Jay, Corinne, the 3 cats
  
  45. Where will you be when 2014 ends?
  Coney Island!
  
  46. Who will you be with when 2014 ends?
  Jenn & Kholood & a crowd of strangers
  
  47. What was your favourite month of 2014?
  not sure! these last couple months have been pretty decent
  
  48. Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2014?
  not really
  
  49. Did you do a lot of drugs in 2014?
  none
  
  50. How many people did you sleep with in 2014?
  LOL
  
  51. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
  I don't think so!
  
  52. What was the worst lie someone told you in 2014?
  umm.. none that I'm aware of
  
  53. Did you treat somebody badly in 2014?
  I tried not to, but I know I have my asshole moments
  
  54. Did somebody treat you badly in 2014?
  yes, but I don't even know that they were aware of it
  
  56. How much money did you spend in 2014?
  too much
  
  57. If you could go back in time to any moment of 2014 and change what?
  umm... maybe would have been more bold in a few instances, but I don't really have any regrets from this year. I did a good job.
  
  58. What are your plans for 2015? 
  figure out what I really want to do with my life and start working towards it.. I also want to travel more this year