fashion wishlist;

Since I find myself in the midst of a major fashion/shopping craving, I decided to browse the internet and make a list of my current fashion desires.

Brandy Melville dresses (Emily, Abigail, Belle, Renee, Jenelle)

Brandy Melville tops (Mary, Breanne, Hana)

Chelsea boots - flat

Heeled black ankle booties

Charm choker necklaces

Caged back Brandy Melville bralette

Hi-low skirt

Midi-skirt

Maxi dress

Maxi skirt with slits on sides

Wildfox sweater

High waisted Bullhead denim lightwash jeans

Palazzo pants in dark color or print

Distressed light wash denim jacket

black wide-brimmed hat

strappy white heels

Hopefully this will help curb my shopping cravings, at least briefly, and give me more of a goal when I do shop so I don't just keep buying this super similar to what I already have.

is this home;

So, per my resolutions, one of my goals this year is to basically figure out where I want to be and what I want to do in life.

This is no easy task.

Here's the thing.

I am sort of feeling like.. why do I even live in NYC? Like I do love the city, but its so expensive and without being sure what sort of career I want, it may be more sensible to move somewhere else. I don't know.

I've been researching "best places to live in the US" in a plethora of categories, from "best seaside towns" to "best places for young professionals" and I am not finding anything terribly desirable! California cities top the list, but that is SO FAR away! I would much prefer to stay on the east coast, and guess what state has the best cities?

GUESS!


NORTH. CAROLINA.

....yep.


So... I am annoyed by that. haha. I moved out of NC because I was done with it. And the next top place seems to be Florida and then there's places like Seattle and Wisconsin and other random places.

What do I even want out of a city? Let's make a list.

-diversity of culture & people
-urban areas or at least a downtown area where there are things to do
-public transportation
-affordable housing
-a nice apartment (ie somewhere with good closet space, carpet, modern appliances, basically a place that is well maintained)
-somewhere I can find a nice community of like minded people (so basically not somewhere that's stupidly conservative)
-decent theatre and live music options
-living near the ocean would be a huge bonus
-affordable healthcare
-decent employment opportunities
-proximity to my friends & family (ie probably not moving to the west coast anytime soon unless someone wants to volunteer to come with me)
-good options in terms of necessities like groceries and clothing and stuff

Anyway, this has been a very all-over-the-place post, but I just wanted to think all this through. I'll keep you updated. :)

i just have so many feelings;

I've come to a point in my life where I want to be in a relationship.

Growing up, I always assumed that someday I would get married and have kids and do the traditional family thing, because I never really thought there was another option. Oddly, when I was about 8 years old, I specifically recall fantasizing about being an adult driving a pink convertible (like my Barbie doll had), working as a veterinarian (which obviously is no longer a desire), and DIVORCED. I have no idea why this was part of the fantasy, but I think I just always saw myself as independent. I never imagined myself being in a relationship with someone forever.

I am sure there are a plethora of ways to dig into that and rip apart my psyche, but let's not do that right now.

Anyway, time went on, and in college I began realizing the other options. I don't want to get married, so why should I? I have ZERO desire to have children, so maybe I'll just not?

I dated in college of course, but for the past couple years (maybe 3 years actually) I've considered myself "single by choice." Now don't get me wrong, if I had happened to meet someone who I clicked with and felt attracted to who happened to be attracted to me then hey, let's date. But I have never been the type to really pursue a relationship. I am awful at meeting new people, absolutely awful at it. If I go to a bar, no matter who talks to me, I give them the bitch face. I guess I just really don't respond well to people when I KNOW that the only reason they're talking to me is because we are in a bar and they are looking to get laid.

I suppose that's not the case with EVERYONE, but its the case that comes to mind.

The thing is, I really don't like all the games that come with 'playing the field' and stuff.. Like.. its honestly just exhausting to think about dating, especially in NYC where its like ok.. If I have a date that means I go there straight from work, don't get out of it until MAYBE 9pm, then am home at 10 and have to squeeze in a workout, a shower, cooking lunch for the next day, etc. And the fact that I would have to do this many times to find someone who I actually really liked? UGH. Just too much. I don't get why it has to be so hard.

I just want to like have someone who is a friend first, who I can talk to and who enjoys talking to me. I really need that friendship base with someone. I want it to feel organic and like one of those situations where you just have this impenetrable connection with someone that just sticks with you.

Anyway, that is how I've been feeling and I just wanted to express it.

2015 resolutions;

I've been intending to write out my New Year's resolutions for a couple weeks now, but have neglected to do so. My biggest resolution this year is to figure out my life. I know that probably sounds weird but I honestly think that if I put my mind to it, make some lists, really think about what I want, I can do it. I'm reading this book now called Unlimited by Jillian Michaels, which is basically a self-help book for uncovering your dreams & shit. It is helping, but I have to do some work to make it all pay off, obvs.

With that in mind, here are my resolutions:

1. Uncover my dreams. I want to figure out what type of career I REALLY want, where I want to live (maybe its New York, maybe it isn't!) and what sort of life I want to have in all aspects. You may be thinking like, "WTF dude how do you NOT know what you want?!" but let me tell you.. I don't. I can see myself being decently happy in lots of scenarios but I want to figure out what I REALLY really want. This may take the whole year, I don't know. But that is the goal.

2. Go greener. I want to go more organic with my makeup & hair & skin regime. Replace anything that runs out with an organic substitute. This shouldn't be too hard.

3. Travel more. I want to really get better at this. I need to make more time to visit NC and see my parents and friends there. I also want to do at least one legitimate vacation and maybe a smaller weekend trip somewhere.

4. Do more. I really need to do more with my time and take more opportunities to spend time with friends and stuff. I want my life to be more dynamic and the only way that will happen is if I get off Netflix. Well, sometimes. :)

adios, 2014;

• 1. What did you do in 2014 that you'd never done before?

  • became a makeup enthusiast, went to West Palm Beach, spent Christmas alone, got a rabbit.. among many other things!

  
  

  • 2:Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
  • PRETTY MUCH YES I DID!! the only ones I didn't do were 'read more' & 'add variety to my routine' .. I did the latter to an extent, but not as much as I'd intended
  • I do plan to make 2015 resolutions! the past couple years the resolution thing has worked out well, and I have high hopes for 2015
  • 
    
  • 3:Did anyone close to you give birth?
  • Catherine! though she is geographically very far away
  • 
    
  • 4:Did anyone close to you die?
  • Jenn's dad- though I never met him, that was a really difficult time for our apartment. My boss' dad also passed, which was a hard time for my work family
  
  

  • 5:What countries did you visit?
  • none outside of the US sadly
  • 
    
  • 6:What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?
  • direction in my career, a significant other, a tax return (had to PAY last year UGH)
  • 
    
  • 7:What dates from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
  • I don't really get attached to dates.. the trip to West Palm will be a forever memory though

  
  

  • 8:What was your biggest achievement of the year?
  • reuniting with Erin (because I love her and that was SO IMPORTANT TO ME), fully owning who I am
  • 
    
  • 9:What was your biggest failure?
  • not sure! I feel pretty good about how I've grown this year, so I prefer to keep focused on the positive at the moment :) 
  • 
    
  • 10:Did you suffer illness or injury?
  • nothing too bad- the worst thing though was when I was on the Upper East Side before going to work (at my boss' apartment watering her plants) and got these AWFULLLLL CRAMPS like literally could not move.. sat there for an hour moaning in pain.. finally got an uber to take me to my apartment (so like an hour drive) because I could NOT go to work.. almost barfed in the uber.. barfed twice immediately upon getting home and literally laid in bed ALL day.. ate a pint of Ben & Jerry's at like 9pm

  
  
  • 11:What was the best thing you bought?
  • CUTE CLOTHING- LOTS OF IT, tickets to West Palm Beach, my Macbook Air
  • 
    
  • 12:Whose behaviour merited celebration?
  • Erin, Jenn, my coworkers
  • 
    
  • 13:Whose behaviour made you appalled?
  • lol a particular person ... obviously not going to say a name jeez 
  • 14:Where did most of your money go?
  • rent, Macbook Air, utilities, groceries, clothing..
  • 
    
  • 15:What did you get really, really, really excited about?
  • WEST PALM BEACH!! REUNITING WITH ERIN!!!
  • 
    
  • 16:What song will always remind you of 2014?
  • Chandelier- Sia; Let it Go- Frozen

  
  

  • 17:Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
  • happier, thinner, about the same
  • 
    
  • 18:What do you wish you’d done more of?
  • travel, hanging out with people and seizing opportunities
  • 
    
  • 19:What do you wish you’d done less of?
  • spending money, feeling insecure
  
  

  • 20:How did you spend Christmas?
  • LOL in my pjs eating spaghetti squash and watching old episodes of Roseanne (yes I literally just said ROSEANNE) on Netflix
  • 
    
  • 21:Did you fall in love in 2014?
  • yeeeeeeaaahhhhhhhhh ish

  
  

  • 22:What was your favourite TV program?
  • Pretty Little Liars, SVU, How To Get Away With Murder
  • 
    

  24. How will you see in the New Year?
  Coney Island ball drop & fireworks!
  
  

  • 23:Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
  • I choose not to hate, but the answer would be no in any case
  • 
    
  • 24:What was the best book you read?
  • currently reading Unlimited by Jillian Michaels and it is AMAZING
  • 
    
  • 25:What was your greatest musical discovery?
  • SO MUCH OMG but probably Betty Who is my new favorite 

  • 26:What did you want and get?
  • a Macbook Air, a vacation, a rabbit
  • 
    
  • 27:What did you want and not get?
  • a new phone
  • 
    
  • 28:What was your favourite film of this year?
  • idk I didn't see enough movies to pick one to be honest

  
  

  
  

  31. What did you do on your birthday?

  I had to work that day but we had cupcakes & Thai food at work and Jenn made me shrimp creole and cake and I took myself on a shopping spree

  
  

  32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

  If I'd had more of a sense of direction for my career and life in general

  
  

  33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014?

  my style has changed a LOT! I am taking more risks with my style and have a much more diverse closet.. I love girly pieces like skater skirts and crop tops but am also loving a BIT of the sporty trends and have tons on 90s influences in my style. Basically I have loved clothing this year and am having so much fun with it.

  
  

  34. What kept you sane?

  my friends, and the quality time I spend with tumblr & Netflix

  
  

  35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

  Troian Bellisario & Jillian Michaels

  
  

  36. What political issue stirred you the most?

  Mike Brown/Eric Garner/Tamir Rise... #blacklivesmatter 

  
  

  37. Who did you miss?

  Nicki, Samantha, Jamie & Cherie
  
  
  38. Who was the best new person you met?
  my rabbit
  
  39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014.
  

  

  
  
  40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
  Alone Again- Betty Who.. just the whole song
  
  41. What was your favourite moment of the year?
  the trip to West Palm Beach.. reuniting with Erin.. getting the rabbit..
  
  42. What was your least favourite moment of the year?
  those moments where I just got so frustrated with everything that I didn't know how to deal
  
  43. Where were you when 2014 began?
  Chris & Jessie's apartment
  
  44. Who were you with?
  Chris, Jessie, Jenn, Heather, Jay, Corinne, the 3 cats
  
  45. Where will you be when 2014 ends?
  Coney Island!
  
  46. Who will you be with when 2014 ends?
  Jenn & Kholood & a crowd of strangers
  
  47. What was your favourite month of 2014?
  not sure! these last couple months have been pretty decent
  
  48. Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2014?
  not really
  
  49. Did you do a lot of drugs in 2014?
  none
  
  50. How many people did you sleep with in 2014?
  LOL
  
  51. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
  I don't think so!
  
  52. What was the worst lie someone told you in 2014?
  umm.. none that I'm aware of
  
  53. Did you treat somebody badly in 2014?
  I tried not to, but I know I have my asshole moments
  
  54. Did somebody treat you badly in 2014?
  yes, but I don't even know that they were aware of it
  
  56. How much money did you spend in 2014?
  too much
  
  57. If you could go back in time to any moment of 2014 and change what?
  umm... maybe would have been more bold in a few instances, but I don't really have any regrets from this year. I did a good job.
  
  58. What are your plans for 2015? 
  figure out what I really want to do with my life and start working towards it.. I also want to travel more this year

someone new;

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
Jenn probably 

2. Are you outgoing or shy?
somewhere in the middle

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
Erin .. whenever I see her!

4. Are you easy to get along with?
I think so

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
yes

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
people with beautiful souls

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
that would be nice ... 

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
ummmmm ............ literally no one

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
nope

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
either Jenn or Katherine or Erin Miller idk

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
"Yayyyyyy fly safe!" 

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
Alone Again- Betty Who
The Mother We Share- CHVRCHES
Out of The Woods- Taylor Swift
Someone New- Banks
Leave Your Lover- Sam Smith

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
yes

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
luck is when preparation meets opportunity, so no to that one. 
As for miracles, "we live on a blue planet that circles around a ball of fire next to a moon the moves the sea, and you still don't believe in miracles?" .. so yes to that one 

15. What good thing happened this summer?
ummm WELL I went to West Palm Beach which was amazing

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
meh nah

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
idk man.. the universe is a pretty massive place 

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
my first crush was this kid I went to school with in like kindergarten so no

19. Do you like bubble baths?
not really! I'm not much of a bath person

20. Do you like your neighbors?
I don't know them

21. What are you bad habits?
keeping my feelings inside; allowing fear of failure to inhibit me

22. Where would you like to travel?
ITALY and Paris again and Greece and California and basically everywhere

23. Do you have trust issues?
not really..

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
nighttime skincare 

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
my small boobs 

26. What do you do when you wake up?
wish I could keep sleeping

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
I'm fine with its present shade

28. Who are you most comfortable around?
Jenn I guess or my mom

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
no

30. Do you ever want to get married?
not really 

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?
yep

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
idk this is a tough one because the dynamic between the 2 celebrities would have to be good but at the same time I wouldn't want them to be like bffs.. idk maybe like Jessie Pavelka & Troian Bellisario.. or Keegan Allen & Laura Prepon? haha

33. Spell your name with your chin.
kdlldegh

34. Do you play sports? What sports?
NOPE NONE

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
tv

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
yes

37. What do you say during awkward silences?
depends on the situation! usually I'll ask a question to spark up the conversation 

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
someone with humor, compassion, passion, drive.. someone interesting and captivating who will take adventures with me.. and mostly someone who loves me and is supportive and takes care of me while allowing me to take care of them as well

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
Forever 21, Urban Outfitters, Brandy Melville, H&M, American Eagle (their jeans are to die for), Aeropostale, Asos.com .. And I like the idea of Topshop but everything there is too expensive. 

40. What do you want to do after high school?
I am an adult already, jeez. 

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
second, yes. not a third.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
that I'm sad or feeling like crap about myself or angry or upset

43. Do you smile at strangers?
rarely.. this is NYC dude

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
ocean I think!

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
I have to go be a person

46. What are you paranoid about?
nothing really

47. Have you ever been high?
no

48. Have you ever been drunk?
yes

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
no

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
navy with white stripes

51. Ever wished you were someone else?
I would love to be someone else for a day just to see what it feels like 

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
less inhibition, more boldness

53. Favourite makeup brand?
probably Maybelline tbh. All their stuff is quality and affordable.

54. Favourite store?
ugh normally I would say Forever 21 but I am kind of over it with that store at the moment

55. Favourite blog?
I don't read many blogs but I love Catherine's (I prefer to read blogs of people I know rather than like .. commercial blogs)

56. Favourite color?
purple

57. Favourite food? 
Korean food

58. Last thing you ate?
scrambled eggs & toast

59. First thing you ate this morning?
scrambled eggs & toast

60. Ever won a competition? For what?
I guess technically yes when I won that CFRT scholarship thing

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
nope/nope

62. Been arrested? For what?
nope

63. Ever been in love? 
yep

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
nope

65. Are you hungry right now?
nope

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
lol what tumblr friends? 

67. Facebook or Twitter?
twitter is more fun in my opinion but Facebook is very useful 

68. Twitter or Tumblr?
tumblr is more fun but twitter is more easily interactive 

69. Are you watching tv right now?
nope

70. Names of your best friends?
Jenn, Erin, Jamie

71. Craving something? What?
nothing at the moment!

72. What colour are your towels?
pink, purple, blue, orange, green... there is no theme here

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
4

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
one stuffed otter that I got at the NY Aquarium

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
2

75. Favourite animal?
elephant

76. What colour is your underwear?
light blue

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?
chocolate 

78. Favourite ice cream flavor?
green mint chocolate chip

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
black oversized graphic tee with Nirvana logo

80. What colour pants?
yellow floral pj shorts

81. Favourite tv show?
SVU, HTGAWM, Dance Moms

82. Favourite movie?
idk I don't think I have a favorite 

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
the first one 

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
the first one

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
Amy Poehler obviously 

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
I don't care 

87. First person you talked to today?
Jenn

88. Last person you talked to today?
Jenn is the only person I've talked to today so far

89. Name a person you hate?
don't hate, bro

90. Name a person you love?
all my friends and my parents and Stacy London and Jillian Michaels

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
nah

92. In a fight with someone?
nope

93. How many sweatpants do you have?
zero

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
like 10 sweaters and 2 hoodies

95. Last movie you watched?
Nightmare Before Christmas

96. Favourite actress?
Bernadette Peters, Jennifer Aniston, Meryl Streep, Mariska Hargitay, Viola Davis, Troian Bellisario

97. Favourite actor?
Robin Williams .. 

98. Do you tan a lot?
nope

99. Have any pets?
a rabbit, Jenn has a cat

100. How are you feeling?
fine 

101. Do you type fast?
yeah

102. Do you regret anything from your past?
yes, just one thing

103. Can you spell well?
yes

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
yes tons of people

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
no but that would be really fun!

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
I think I have and I hate it 

107. Have you ever been on a horse?
yes

108. What should you be doing?
nothing in particular 

109. Is something irritating you right now?
nah

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
yes

111. Do you have trust issues?
not really 

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
myself

113. What was your childhood nickname?
kel

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
yes

115. Do you play the Wii?
no

116. Are you listening to music right now?
nope

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
eh its decent 

118. Do you like Chinese food?
yes but its so gross that I try not to eat it

119. Favourite book?
Ragtime, Jane Eyre, etc.

120. Are you afraid of the dark?
nope 

121. Are you mean?
nope

122. Is cheating ever okay?
nope

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
for the most part! 

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
nah, just attraction and/or lust

125. Do you believe in true love?
yes

126. Are you currently bored?
nope

127. What makes you happy?
good friends, good coffee, good entertainment, retail therapy, personal accomplishments 

128. Would you change your name?
no

129. What your zodiac sign?
libra