Right now I am sitting here with people I really really love and all I can think about is how FREAKING OUT I am about class tomorrow. I am going to do this research study thing before class, which is fine, and will probably be the most relaxing part of my day. Then I have to go to the class where nothing I do is ever good enough, and I get to be embarrassed in front of the whole class over how craptastic my story is... I hate it. I am about to throw up just thinking about it. I work so hard in that stupid class and then I never do well on anything EVER. It sucks. And it is even worse how condescending the professor is towards me and how the whole class is well aware of my lack of writing talent.
And then, in my next class, I get to be a part of a group presentation for which I am extremely unprepared. BUHHHHHHHHHHH. I suck at everything.
I love Erin. She makes me happy.
Times like this are what keep me going.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
lahve lahve lahve
 | |||
 | I will marry Erin. | ||
  | After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in NYC in our fabulous House. | ||
 | We will have 2 kid(s) together. | ||
  | Our family will zoom around in a yellow horse. | ||
 | I will spend my days as a theatre critic, and live happily ever after. | ||
 | |||
i've never once heard anyone talk about something that matters.
Dear you,
Basically, the situation here is: my life is not any fuller with you in it.. and I don't really miss you. Because I have learned to let go of people who clearly don't want me in their lives.. or people who could care less either way. I don't know why you were the way you were, I don't know if you ever think of me or not, but either way, if you change- I can see myself giving in... So this may not be the end, but I am not going to try to make this work any more.
Dear you,
The truth is, my life is not any less full with you OUT of it. I thought it would be weird, painful, letting you go.. But it really is not. Not at all. It is unusual I suppose, but the fact of the matter is- you're fake. You're a paper girl in a paper town working towards a paper future. And that just doesn't work with me. I don't like it when people care about paper things. So, I guess it was because you were so paper thin, so breakable once I saw who you really are, that's why I didn't have much trouble letting go. So.. its been a long time, and you haven't changed, and frankly- I've got better things to do.
Basically, the situation here is: my life is not any fuller with you in it.. and I don't really miss you. Because I have learned to let go of people who clearly don't want me in their lives.. or people who could care less either way. I don't know why you were the way you were, I don't know if you ever think of me or not, but either way, if you change- I can see myself giving in... So this may not be the end, but I am not going to try to make this work any more.
Dear you,
The truth is, my life is not any less full with you OUT of it. I thought it would be weird, painful, letting you go.. But it really is not. Not at all. It is unusual I suppose, but the fact of the matter is- you're fake. You're a paper girl in a paper town working towards a paper future. And that just doesn't work with me. I don't like it when people care about paper things. So, I guess it was because you were so paper thin, so breakable once I saw who you really are, that's why I didn't have much trouble letting go. So.. its been a long time, and you haven't changed, and frankly- I've got better things to do.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
to me, you are perfect.
I feel like a lot of times I have this delusion in my head that I am actually the person I really want to be, and then I get afraid that I'm absolutely not that person at all..
that probably made little to no sense.
But like
sometimes I feel like all I really have to offer people is love, encouragement, support..willingness to help.. all those intangible things
but on the other hand i struggle so so much with stupid things like school and anything that requires talent. lol.
AND I DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT BECAUSE I WANT A PITY PARTY.
I am saying it because honestly I sometimes think that those things that I mentioned before, that I am good at, that are the essence of the person I really want to be, are my purpose.
And maybe that's right.
I don't know.
I don't even know why I just said all that.
But I do know
that this school year has been the most awesome slash hellish thing I have ever experienced.
I have grown SO MUCH as a person, I think, and also as a stage manager, and as a friend. I hope.
Basically, times where me & Leigh and Erin are spinning around and screaming on the tire swing are times I will always remember. And planning my NYC apartment with Erin-all those amazing thing's we're going to get. And staying up on the futon till 4am watching multiple episodes of 'Never Mind the Buzzcocks' and painting our nails and LOLing our pants off. And when Katherine reads bad fanfiction aloud to us. And reading Jordi's palm and playing 'would you rather' for two hours instead of doing homework. And having carpet time (and my personal favorite, cuddle time) with Leigh. And wandering around campus with Taylor. And hula hooping for hours in the hallway with Taylor & Erin, just waiting for someone we know to walk by. Or cast parties where everyone is dressed in ridiculous costumes and just being together. Or facebook chatting with Jordi DURING rehearsal, while sitting next to each other. Or h2h practices where I act like a fool and Logan and the altos all give me strange looks. Or finding BEST FRIENDS where I thought I would be completely alone.
That is what this year has brought me.
And I would not trade that for the world.
that probably made little to no sense.
But like
sometimes I feel like all I really have to offer people is love, encouragement, support..willingness to help.. all those intangible things
but on the other hand i struggle so so much with stupid things like school and anything that requires talent. lol.
AND I DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT BECAUSE I WANT A PITY PARTY.
I am saying it because honestly I sometimes think that those things that I mentioned before, that I am good at, that are the essence of the person I really want to be, are my purpose.
And maybe that's right.
I don't know.
I don't even know why I just said all that.
But I do know
that this school year has been the most awesome slash hellish thing I have ever experienced.
I have grown SO MUCH as a person, I think, and also as a stage manager, and as a friend. I hope.
Basically, times where me & Leigh and Erin are spinning around and screaming on the tire swing are times I will always remember. And planning my NYC apartment with Erin-all those amazing thing's we're going to get. And staying up on the futon till 4am watching multiple episodes of 'Never Mind the Buzzcocks' and painting our nails and LOLing our pants off. And when Katherine reads bad fanfiction aloud to us. And reading Jordi's palm and playing 'would you rather' for two hours instead of doing homework. And having carpet time (and my personal favorite, cuddle time) with Leigh. And wandering around campus with Taylor. And hula hooping for hours in the hallway with Taylor & Erin, just waiting for someone we know to walk by. Or cast parties where everyone is dressed in ridiculous costumes and just being together. Or facebook chatting with Jordi DURING rehearsal, while sitting next to each other. Or h2h practices where I act like a fool and Logan and the altos all give me strange looks. Or finding BEST FRIENDS where I thought I would be completely alone.
That is what this year has brought me.
And I would not trade that for the world.
Friday, March 19, 2010
30 days
Okay, so mostly inspired by Catherine, I have recently located the brilliance that is this 30 day blog meme.. You're actually supposed to do one per day, but like a fool, I am combining them into one MASSIVE blog post. Get ready. Here it is.
Favorite Song:
I can honestly never pick my favorite song. So.. how about I make a list of some amazing songs? yes? yes. I'll follow it with a line or verse from the song so you can see why I love it so much. Also I'll try to do a diverse assortment so you can get how my brain works and what kind of stuff I like to listen to. lol. :) (these are in no particular order.)
-Devil in Me- Kate Voegele
"I had a suspicion but didn't want to believe you a liar.
You had a mission to prove me right.
You took my trust, ground it to dust;
I found out I know better... *chorus*
...You're entirely to blame
And I'm so tired of explaining
The sensation of no Novacaine.
I don't have a prayer if there is no charity in your heart
couldn't you spare me, I've done my part"
-Manhattan from the Sky- Kate Voegele
"I ain't buying the false anxiety, let your fortress fall;
what is it going to take to get you there?
If fear was money, you'd be a millionaire;
all alone in a leather swivel chair counting stacks of gold."
-Speechless- Lady Gaga
"But I'm a loser in love so baby; raise a glass to mend all the broken hearts of all my wrecked up friends..."
-The Love Always Remains- MGMT
"We'll never feel so safe again, but love always remains"
-If its Love- Train
"but you are the greatest thing about me"
-Chai Tea Latte- Angel Taylor
"Cause without you my flavor's a little plain & no one likes plain things;
seeing you in person is so much better than my thoughts & my dreams"
-I & Love & You- Avett Brothers
"ahh Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in; are you aware the shape I'm in?
my hands they shake my head it spins; ah Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in."
-Caroline- Brandi Carlile
"I've seen things so beautiful, all around this broken world
that pale in comparison to you."
-Manchester- Brendan James
"Like all the town she fights, she prays she'll do it right,
with nature's sounds to guide her safely through the night.
All of Manchester together to carry on the weight that is life,
that has changed over night.
Let the good lend their hand and the old teach the young.
This is all of Manchester together to carry us on"
-Vegas- Sara Bareilles
"I'm gonna lose my mind and sail the ocean.
'Cause somebody told me there were cherry blue skies.
I'm gonna fix my mind with a final destination;
And have a deep sleep upon a sweet dream I'll never realize"
Favorite movie:
I like a lot of movies. But I don't really see very many. Odd, but true. A recent favorite of mine is 'The Lovely Bones.' I thought it lived out the vision of the book PERFECTLY. It was seriously wonderful. Everyone in it was amazing. It was a visual masterpiece. Absolutely epically wonderful.
Some others I am particularly fond of are Ever After, The Pursuit of Happyness, The Secret Life of Bees, Edward Scissorhands, and the newer version of The Producers. :)
Favorite tv show:
gotta be the wonderful 'Doctor Who' .. it changed my life & makes me look at everything completely differently.
Favorite book:
Jane Eyre is my favorite book of all time. Close behind are Ragtime & Les Miserables. But of course The Lovely Bones is also on that list.. & lots more.
Favorite quote:
oh my. I am a quote junkie, for real.
Here is one that I really really really love.
" We are but the atoms in the incessant human struggle towards the light that shines in the darkness..." -Emma Goldman
Also, in Nicholas Nickelby, when Smike tells Nicky Nick, "You are my home."
ALSO! THE LITTLE PRINCE! "One runs the risk of weeping a little when one allows himself to be tamed."
There are so many more. I love quotes a lot.
Whatever tickles your fancy:
hmm. for this, I would just like to say that this school year has been the most difficult one yet. And I am still really struggling and have a lot more to do before its over. But despite the fact that the academics has been hell, I am SO SO THANKFUL for all my amazing friends. This is the first time perhaps in my life that I have felt so at peace with the fact that I have people who I love and WHO LOVE ME BACK who I can turn to whenever I need support and encouragement. You have all changed my life.
New people I have met this year/gotten a lot closer to:
Jordi
Erin
Tara
Katherine
Molly
Carolyn
RA Becca
Asian Becca
Jean
Logan
the cast of rent
the cast of cats
...you are all magical and I love you.
Picture that makes you happy/sad:
Don't judge me. I edited this photo when I was in 10th grade. Its from when I was in the musical Ragtime- and that is Susan standing next to me. That show, and that woman, changed my life so significantly. She was like a mother to me, a best friend, she was amazing. And she inspired me like no one else ever has. We kept in touch for a really long time after, and I saw her when I went to NYC senior year.. But then she stopped replying to my emails, and I have no idea what she's doing unless I google her. (She is kinda famous so she is very google-able.) Anyway, this photo makes me happy & sad simultaneously because the memory of her is magic but the loss of her light in my life is devastating.
Photo that you took:
:) When I went to NYC October 4, 2009. I saw Next to Normal & met Stacy London and both were bliss.
Photo of you taken over 10 years ago:
Okay, so I don't have any pics that old on this computer... but this is from 8th grade. And that was quite a while ago. It was taken at the art show where I had made that fake stained glass thingy I liked to refer to as the 'electric church' .. yeahhh.
Photo taken of you recently:
This is the most recently tagged photo of me on facebook. So here it is. It was from our hall's 'decades party'..and as you can see I dressed like the 80s because I was going to an 80s party immediately following. lol. People in the pic (from left to right) are: colorguard Becca, asian Becca, RA Becca, Tara, Katherine (dressed as Michael Jackson), me, and Erin the love of my life. haha. We look like straight up lesbians (BAHAHA GET IT) here... but actually we are both gay men. ;)
Whatever tickles your fancy:
I really like to know people's personality types. Tell me yours!! I am an ENFJ. :D
A fictional book:
I am currently madly in love with both Paper Towns and Looking for Alaska by John Green. I have ranted about them both in previous blogs, so I won't repeat the information, but everyone should read them. They are about dealing with life and finding out what is really important and what it means to live for someone else.
A fanfic:
I read one fanfic the other day in which the Doctor came through a tiny gap in the walls of the universe when Rose was an old lady and basically on her death bed. Cloney was still there but basically it was implied that while Cloney and Rose loved each other and stayed together all that time, it was really the Doctor who Rose loved, and he loved her, and it was the sweetest thing ever. I would link it if I had any idea who wrote it or where I found it. lol
A song that makes you cry:
not gonna lie, Fix You by Coldplay always really tugs at my heartstrings. I love it so much.
An art piece:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/69/VanGogh-starry_night_edit.jpg
This is probably my favorite painting of all time. I am in love with it. I just think this style is so gorgeous and pretty flippin genius as well.
But of course, 'A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte' by George Seurat also holds a special place in my heart. :)
Anything:
uhmm Sarai & I met Lisa Whelchel. This is the proof. :)
A talent of yours:
uh.. stage managing.
A hobby of yours:
uh.. stage managing. lol.
A recipe:
FRUITY BUDDHA- vanilla vodka, blueberry vodka, orange juice, cranberry juice. DELICIOUS.
A website:
http://www.japanesebirdcookingspaghetti.com/
Best thing ever.
A youtube video:
David Tennant is PRECIOUS.
Whatever tickles your fancy:
if you let love be organic & pure, it may really surprise you.
that is something I know for sure.
Your day, in great detail:
I wish I could write this about yesterday because today is hell.
SO I AM GOING TO.
Yesterday after having stayed up way too late, I got up at 8am so I could get ready for my 9:30 class. So I got dressed and put on my jeans that actually de-emphasize my bubble butt, my purple cami, my 'love' tank, and my donna noble cardigan, did my hair & makeup, checked the internet like always, ate a poptart & gave Leigh the other one, then got my crap together and put on my purple bejeweled flats and went to class. I sat there in my Philosophy class and didn't really pay a whole lot of attention, and instead looked at tumblr and did other useless/stupid things. After class, I came back to my room and ate a sandwich and a campbells tomato soup at hand, talked to my lovely roomie for a while, and then went into Erin's room where she forced me to watch selected scenes from 'New Moon'.. which was SO FUNNY because absolutely no one in that movie can act and the plot is such crap. Then Erin and I both had to go to class at 12:30 so I left and was like 2 minutes late to my boring slave trade class. But it was ok because its a big lecture. So I sat there next to Taylor and took some notes and whatnot.. nothing too exciting happened. Then after class Taylor was going to eat and somehow I was hungry again so I decided to go with her. So we were on our way to Alpine when I saw Erin quite a distance away, so I texted her like a creeper & said 'turn around' and she did, and then I brought her to Alpine with us. We ate yummy bagels and saw a person in a dog costume AND a person in an elephant costume, and Erin is afraid of mascots so that was quite traumatic. After that, we came back to the dorm and laid on Erin's futon and read Syfy's Alice fanfiction and Sally fanfic and fanfic by this girl who is basically Sally in real life. Then Taylor went to another class and then me & Erin & Katherine laid on each other (Anna came in and out of this room of craziness), and continued to read fanfic and such. Taylor returned like an hour and a half later at which point Erin had control of her laptop again and we read HOW U A THUG tweets and she fed her fish and then we (along with Anna) went to Light Years. Taylor bought a pretty ring, but none of the rest of us bought anything. Then we went to dinner at Jack Spratt where we thankfully did not have to listen to live jazz and ate food. THEN we went to the indian man store and looked at cute accessories & weird clothes, and Erin bought a cute flower that goes in your hair. It was a wise purchase. Because its freakin adorable. Then we all had to pee on the way back, so we did so at this one big fancy building where I mistakenly thought the walls were closing in on us in the bathroom. Then we came back to the dorm where we had to quickly prepare for this talent show thingy where my lovely friends were going to wear goofy hats and sing... (I chose to stage manage).. So we gathered silly hats and lyrics papers and stood around and then walked to connor dorm. There, we stood around and for some reason I began to feel like utter crap and decided to eat unhealthy food anyway.. And finally it was their turn to sing! So I passed out lyrics for everyone and whatnot and then sang songs and were PRECIOUS and I loved them all. Then I collected their hats and we went back to our dorm. Then, Leigh and I hung out with Erin on her futon and Erin showed Leigh the 2nd half of 'Alice' and then Leigh went to do work and I went to shower. After my shower, I drank some coffee and shared some thin mints with Erin and we watched Scrubs and I laid on her because that's what I do, and then I went to bed. The end.
Your week, in great detail:
This week has not been to exciting. Sunday I came back to school after having a lovely & relaxing spring break.. I think I went to dinner with people and then did nothing. Maybe homework.
Monday I was awoken by Leslie & Leigh.. so I got up and hung out with them and talked and then I went to class and came back here and ate.. I don't know. Let me get my planner. *goes to get it* Oh. then we had that cats meeting. And then Leigh and I came back to the dorm to meet people and go to KURAMA YAY for Becca's bday dinner. While there, we met the king of the world and ate seaweed that tasted like BACON NO LIE and named our waiter Starheart & decided that he must be Jude Law's younger brother. Then we went to yopo and moseyed on franklin and then starheart had erin's tax form so I ran back to Kurama to retrieve it with her. Then we came back and probably did nothing.
Tuesday I went to both my classes (and complimented that with a nap between them) and went to lunch with Taylor and then did homework all afternoon I think.. and then hung out with Erin i think.
Wednesday.. class, LOTS OF HOMEWORK FOR HOURS, h2h... erin time? i think so.
Thursday was the day I explained in detail before..
Today was Friday and I got up at 10, got ready, went & did a research study thing for JOMC which got done super quick so then I went to visit Erin at Light Years..then I went to that craptastic class and hated my life and wanted to kill myself for a bit so I came back here and listened to emo music and ate easy mac & an apple and drank coffee. Then Leigh & I went to her house to get my car and on the way back traffic was HORRIBLE and I got pissed again. Then I came back here & watched tv and worked on this blog. Then Taylor called and then I called my mom and then I called Leigh and then I called Sarai and then I went to eat and bskis and after we wanted to go visit Erin at the Varsity but she wasnt in the window. boo. SO, we headed on over to the battle house for the dance party at which I wasn't feeling too great so I sat around and watched Sarai eat and then I left and now I'm here.
Tomorrow I'm going to Molly's recital, then hanging out with Taylor and Caroline, then going somewhere w/ Sarai, then probably coming back here and eating and doing work and playing with Erin.
Sunday I am going to see Little House on the Prairie the Musical with my mother and Renee, and then I am coming back here, probably taking my car to its new spot at the Bible Church, then going to h2h. the end.
This month, in great detail:
March 1-4 I was very busy with Cats rehearsals, and stuff like that, but I really did not have much schoolwork at all which was the most amazing thing ever. The 1st, I had dinner with Taylor & Caroline to celebrate our roomieness for next year.
The 2nd we had a massive dinner with the hall peeps and I had sushi for the 1st time and almost got lost in Chapel Hill and got massively creeped out by a hobo.
Wednesday the 3rd I did nothing exciting, but I did go to h2h and was hyper as always.
The 4th I made props and went to dinner with Jordi and it was so fun.
The 5th I had no class and I went with Leigh to buy thongs and then basically packed my car and PEACED OUT.
Over spring break I sat around, dealt with the drama of cats being cancelled, hung out with catherine, saw a play, reunited with some theatre peeps, got lunch with linda & terry, watched movies online, and went to Leigh's one night as did Anna & Erin and we saw Alice in Wonderland which was SUPER FUNTIMES. And break was great.
And this week has already been described in great detail, and I don't know the future, so that's all I've got.
Except I do know that next weekend is choir tour so that should be an interesting time.. lol.
This year, in great detail:
I spent the new year at Erin's house with Leigh, Stacy (not London), Sarah and Tara and it was GREAT and we had an amazing DOCTOR WHO MARATHON and then ten regenerated and it was SO BLOODY SAD.
And then school started soon and so did cats and my life thusly exploded. Also I met Lisa Whelchel with Sarai and it was amazingggg and did something I never thought I would have the guts to do and it turned out well. Oh, and it snowed like 4 times. And Cats kept happening and so did h2h and so did school.. Andddd I saw some plays and they were mostly all pretty good. Life was normal. I kept going home also like 2 weekends in a row because I kept having to see shows. Good shows, annoying drive. Uhmm and basically then March happened and I have already talked about that. I'm glad its not like December right now.. lol.
Hopes, dreams & plans for the next 365 days:
By this time next year, I hope that me & Erin & Kayla will have signed a lease for our apartment in NYC that we are moving into after we graduate. Also, I hope that I will at least have prospective employment.. or else that will suck. I hope to have brought up my GPA and made it through my drama & JOMC classes successfully, and hope to be enjoying a nice final semester at UNC. I will most definitely be partying it up with Taylor & Caroline, skyping Erin ALL THE TIME, and living life to the fullest and spreading the love. Also, I hope that I will be working on a show with Jordi. :)
Whatever tickles your fancy:
This is what Jamie has to say about me.. its in my about me on facebook--
I can see how Kelley might perhaps seem quiet to those who haven't been around her very long, but they've been utterly fooled. Her flamboyant, theatre-loving, showtune-singing, zumba-dancing self will be revealed shortly. Kelley is the sort of person who will stop what she's doing to recall a dance sequence she learned for a show four years previous. She likes eating food of Mexican and Japanese origin and drinking coffee-ish drinks from McDonald's. Her favorite animal is a rabbit. If you can get her to start laughing, it might not stop for another five minutes. This will make you feel accomplished. Kelley likes to ride in cars with people because she says it's the best way to find out about who they are. Kelley is easily one of the kindest, most open and honest people you'll meet. She loves making friends and helping others and being sure that people feel loved.
Favorite Song:
I can honestly never pick my favorite song. So.. how about I make a list of some amazing songs? yes? yes. I'll follow it with a line or verse from the song so you can see why I love it so much. Also I'll try to do a diverse assortment so you can get how my brain works and what kind of stuff I like to listen to. lol. :) (these are in no particular order.)
-Devil in Me- Kate Voegele
"I had a suspicion but didn't want to believe you a liar.
You had a mission to prove me right.
You took my trust, ground it to dust;
I found out I know better... *chorus*
...You're entirely to blame
And I'm so tired of explaining
The sensation of no Novacaine.
I don't have a prayer if there is no charity in your heart
couldn't you spare me, I've done my part"
-Manhattan from the Sky- Kate Voegele
"I ain't buying the false anxiety, let your fortress fall;
what is it going to take to get you there?
If fear was money, you'd be a millionaire;
all alone in a leather swivel chair counting stacks of gold."
-Speechless- Lady Gaga
"But I'm a loser in love so baby; raise a glass to mend all the broken hearts of all my wrecked up friends..."
-The Love Always Remains- MGMT
"We'll never feel so safe again, but love always remains"
-If its Love- Train
"but you are the greatest thing about me"
-Chai Tea Latte- Angel Taylor
"Cause without you my flavor's a little plain & no one likes plain things;
seeing you in person is so much better than my thoughts & my dreams"
-I & Love & You- Avett Brothers
"ahh Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in; are you aware the shape I'm in?
my hands they shake my head it spins; ah Brooklyn, Brooklyn take me in."
-Caroline- Brandi Carlile
"I've seen things so beautiful, all around this broken world
that pale in comparison to you."
-Manchester- Brendan James
"Like all the town she fights, she prays she'll do it right,
with nature's sounds to guide her safely through the night.
All of Manchester together to carry on the weight that is life,
that has changed over night.
Let the good lend their hand and the old teach the young.
This is all of Manchester together to carry us on"
-Vegas- Sara Bareilles
"I'm gonna lose my mind and sail the ocean.
'Cause somebody told me there were cherry blue skies.
I'm gonna fix my mind with a final destination;
And have a deep sleep upon a sweet dream I'll never realize"
Favorite movie:
I like a lot of movies. But I don't really see very many. Odd, but true. A recent favorite of mine is 'The Lovely Bones.' I thought it lived out the vision of the book PERFECTLY. It was seriously wonderful. Everyone in it was amazing. It was a visual masterpiece. Absolutely epically wonderful.
Some others I am particularly fond of are Ever After, The Pursuit of Happyness, The Secret Life of Bees, Edward Scissorhands, and the newer version of The Producers. :)
Favorite tv show:
gotta be the wonderful 'Doctor Who' .. it changed my life & makes me look at everything completely differently.
Favorite book:
Jane Eyre is my favorite book of all time. Close behind are Ragtime & Les Miserables. But of course The Lovely Bones is also on that list.. & lots more.
Favorite quote:
oh my. I am a quote junkie, for real.
Here is one that I really really really love.
" We are but the atoms in the incessant human struggle towards the light that shines in the darkness..." -Emma Goldman
Also, in Nicholas Nickelby, when Smike tells Nicky Nick, "You are my home."
ALSO! THE LITTLE PRINCE! "One runs the risk of weeping a little when one allows himself to be tamed."
There are so many more. I love quotes a lot.
Whatever tickles your fancy:
hmm. for this, I would just like to say that this school year has been the most difficult one yet. And I am still really struggling and have a lot more to do before its over. But despite the fact that the academics has been hell, I am SO SO THANKFUL for all my amazing friends. This is the first time perhaps in my life that I have felt so at peace with the fact that I have people who I love and WHO LOVE ME BACK who I can turn to whenever I need support and encouragement. You have all changed my life.
New people I have met this year/gotten a lot closer to:
Jordi
Erin
Tara
Katherine
Molly
Carolyn
RA Becca
Asian Becca
Jean
Logan
the cast of rent
the cast of cats
...you are all magical and I love you.
Picture that makes you happy/sad:
Don't judge me. I edited this photo when I was in 10th grade. Its from when I was in the musical Ragtime- and that is Susan standing next to me. That show, and that woman, changed my life so significantly. She was like a mother to me, a best friend, she was amazing. And she inspired me like no one else ever has. We kept in touch for a really long time after, and I saw her when I went to NYC senior year.. But then she stopped replying to my emails, and I have no idea what she's doing unless I google her. (She is kinda famous so she is very google-able.) Anyway, this photo makes me happy & sad simultaneously because the memory of her is magic but the loss of her light in my life is devastating.
Photo that you took:
:) When I went to NYC October 4, 2009. I saw Next to Normal & met Stacy London and both were bliss.
Photo of you taken over 10 years ago:
Okay, so I don't have any pics that old on this computer... but this is from 8th grade. And that was quite a while ago. It was taken at the art show where I had made that fake stained glass thingy I liked to refer to as the 'electric church' .. yeahhh.
Photo taken of you recently:
This is the most recently tagged photo of me on facebook. So here it is. It was from our hall's 'decades party'..and as you can see I dressed like the 80s because I was going to an 80s party immediately following. lol. People in the pic (from left to right) are: colorguard Becca, asian Becca, RA Becca, Tara, Katherine (dressed as Michael Jackson), me, and Erin the love of my life. haha. We look like straight up lesbians (BAHAHA GET IT) here... but actually we are both gay men. ;)
Whatever tickles your fancy:
I really like to know people's personality types. Tell me yours!! I am an ENFJ. :D
A fictional book:
I am currently madly in love with both Paper Towns and Looking for Alaska by John Green. I have ranted about them both in previous blogs, so I won't repeat the information, but everyone should read them. They are about dealing with life and finding out what is really important and what it means to live for someone else.
A fanfic:
I read one fanfic the other day in which the Doctor came through a tiny gap in the walls of the universe when Rose was an old lady and basically on her death bed. Cloney was still there but basically it was implied that while Cloney and Rose loved each other and stayed together all that time, it was really the Doctor who Rose loved, and he loved her, and it was the sweetest thing ever. I would link it if I had any idea who wrote it or where I found it. lol
A song that makes you cry:
not gonna lie, Fix You by Coldplay always really tugs at my heartstrings. I love it so much.
An art piece:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/69/VanGogh-starry_night_edit.jpg
This is probably my favorite painting of all time. I am in love with it. I just think this style is so gorgeous and pretty flippin genius as well.
But of course, 'A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte' by George Seurat also holds a special place in my heart. :)
Anything:
uhmm Sarai & I met Lisa Whelchel. This is the proof. :)
A talent of yours:
uh.. stage managing.
A hobby of yours:
uh.. stage managing. lol.
A recipe:
FRUITY BUDDHA- vanilla vodka, blueberry vodka, orange juice, cranberry juice. DELICIOUS.
A website:
http://www.japanesebirdcookingspaghetti.com/
Best thing ever.
A youtube video:
David Tennant is PRECIOUS.
Whatever tickles your fancy:
if you let love be organic & pure, it may really surprise you.
that is something I know for sure.
Your day, in great detail:
I wish I could write this about yesterday because today is hell.
SO I AM GOING TO.
Yesterday after having stayed up way too late, I got up at 8am so I could get ready for my 9:30 class. So I got dressed and put on my jeans that actually de-emphasize my bubble butt, my purple cami, my 'love' tank, and my donna noble cardigan, did my hair & makeup, checked the internet like always, ate a poptart & gave Leigh the other one, then got my crap together and put on my purple bejeweled flats and went to class. I sat there in my Philosophy class and didn't really pay a whole lot of attention, and instead looked at tumblr and did other useless/stupid things. After class, I came back to my room and ate a sandwich and a campbells tomato soup at hand, talked to my lovely roomie for a while, and then went into Erin's room where she forced me to watch selected scenes from 'New Moon'.. which was SO FUNNY because absolutely no one in that movie can act and the plot is such crap. Then Erin and I both had to go to class at 12:30 so I left and was like 2 minutes late to my boring slave trade class. But it was ok because its a big lecture. So I sat there next to Taylor and took some notes and whatnot.. nothing too exciting happened. Then after class Taylor was going to eat and somehow I was hungry again so I decided to go with her. So we were on our way to Alpine when I saw Erin quite a distance away, so I texted her like a creeper & said 'turn around' and she did, and then I brought her to Alpine with us. We ate yummy bagels and saw a person in a dog costume AND a person in an elephant costume, and Erin is afraid of mascots so that was quite traumatic. After that, we came back to the dorm and laid on Erin's futon and read Syfy's Alice fanfiction and Sally fanfic and fanfic by this girl who is basically Sally in real life. Then Taylor went to another class and then me & Erin & Katherine laid on each other (Anna came in and out of this room of craziness), and continued to read fanfic and such. Taylor returned like an hour and a half later at which point Erin had control of her laptop again and we read HOW U A THUG tweets and she fed her fish and then we (along with Anna) went to Light Years. Taylor bought a pretty ring, but none of the rest of us bought anything. Then we went to dinner at Jack Spratt where we thankfully did not have to listen to live jazz and ate food. THEN we went to the indian man store and looked at cute accessories & weird clothes, and Erin bought a cute flower that goes in your hair. It was a wise purchase. Because its freakin adorable. Then we all had to pee on the way back, so we did so at this one big fancy building where I mistakenly thought the walls were closing in on us in the bathroom. Then we came back to the dorm where we had to quickly prepare for this talent show thingy where my lovely friends were going to wear goofy hats and sing... (I chose to stage manage).. So we gathered silly hats and lyrics papers and stood around and then walked to connor dorm. There, we stood around and for some reason I began to feel like utter crap and decided to eat unhealthy food anyway.. And finally it was their turn to sing! So I passed out lyrics for everyone and whatnot and then sang songs and were PRECIOUS and I loved them all. Then I collected their hats and we went back to our dorm. Then, Leigh and I hung out with Erin on her futon and Erin showed Leigh the 2nd half of 'Alice' and then Leigh went to do work and I went to shower. After my shower, I drank some coffee and shared some thin mints with Erin and we watched Scrubs and I laid on her because that's what I do, and then I went to bed. The end.
Your week, in great detail:
This week has not been to exciting. Sunday I came back to school after having a lovely & relaxing spring break.. I think I went to dinner with people and then did nothing. Maybe homework.
Monday I was awoken by Leslie & Leigh.. so I got up and hung out with them and talked and then I went to class and came back here and ate.. I don't know. Let me get my planner. *goes to get it* Oh. then we had that cats meeting. And then Leigh and I came back to the dorm to meet people and go to KURAMA YAY for Becca's bday dinner. While there, we met the king of the world and ate seaweed that tasted like BACON NO LIE and named our waiter Starheart & decided that he must be Jude Law's younger brother. Then we went to yopo and moseyed on franklin and then starheart had erin's tax form so I ran back to Kurama to retrieve it with her. Then we came back and probably did nothing.
Tuesday I went to both my classes (and complimented that with a nap between them) and went to lunch with Taylor and then did homework all afternoon I think.. and then hung out with Erin i think.
Wednesday.. class, LOTS OF HOMEWORK FOR HOURS, h2h... erin time? i think so.
Thursday was the day I explained in detail before..
Today was Friday and I got up at 10, got ready, went & did a research study thing for JOMC which got done super quick so then I went to visit Erin at Light Years..then I went to that craptastic class and hated my life and wanted to kill myself for a bit so I came back here and listened to emo music and ate easy mac & an apple and drank coffee. Then Leigh & I went to her house to get my car and on the way back traffic was HORRIBLE and I got pissed again. Then I came back here & watched tv and worked on this blog. Then Taylor called and then I called my mom and then I called Leigh and then I called Sarai and then I went to eat and bskis and after we wanted to go visit Erin at the Varsity but she wasnt in the window. boo. SO, we headed on over to the battle house for the dance party at which I wasn't feeling too great so I sat around and watched Sarai eat and then I left and now I'm here.
Tomorrow I'm going to Molly's recital, then hanging out with Taylor and Caroline, then going somewhere w/ Sarai, then probably coming back here and eating and doing work and playing with Erin.
Sunday I am going to see Little House on the Prairie the Musical with my mother and Renee, and then I am coming back here, probably taking my car to its new spot at the Bible Church, then going to h2h. the end.
This month, in great detail:
March 1-4 I was very busy with Cats rehearsals, and stuff like that, but I really did not have much schoolwork at all which was the most amazing thing ever. The 1st, I had dinner with Taylor & Caroline to celebrate our roomieness for next year.
The 2nd we had a massive dinner with the hall peeps and I had sushi for the 1st time and almost got lost in Chapel Hill and got massively creeped out by a hobo.
Wednesday the 3rd I did nothing exciting, but I did go to h2h and was hyper as always.
The 4th I made props and went to dinner with Jordi and it was so fun.
The 5th I had no class and I went with Leigh to buy thongs and then basically packed my car and PEACED OUT.
Over spring break I sat around, dealt with the drama of cats being cancelled, hung out with catherine, saw a play, reunited with some theatre peeps, got lunch with linda & terry, watched movies online, and went to Leigh's one night as did Anna & Erin and we saw Alice in Wonderland which was SUPER FUNTIMES. And break was great.
And this week has already been described in great detail, and I don't know the future, so that's all I've got.
Except I do know that next weekend is choir tour so that should be an interesting time.. lol.
This year, in great detail:
I spent the new year at Erin's house with Leigh, Stacy (not London), Sarah and Tara and it was GREAT and we had an amazing DOCTOR WHO MARATHON and then ten regenerated and it was SO BLOODY SAD.
And then school started soon and so did cats and my life thusly exploded. Also I met Lisa Whelchel with Sarai and it was amazingggg and did something I never thought I would have the guts to do and it turned out well. Oh, and it snowed like 4 times. And Cats kept happening and so did h2h and so did school.. Andddd I saw some plays and they were mostly all pretty good. Life was normal. I kept going home also like 2 weekends in a row because I kept having to see shows. Good shows, annoying drive. Uhmm and basically then March happened and I have already talked about that. I'm glad its not like December right now.. lol.
Hopes, dreams & plans for the next 365 days:
By this time next year, I hope that me & Erin & Kayla will have signed a lease for our apartment in NYC that we are moving into after we graduate. Also, I hope that I will at least have prospective employment.. or else that will suck. I hope to have brought up my GPA and made it through my drama & JOMC classes successfully, and hope to be enjoying a nice final semester at UNC. I will most definitely be partying it up with Taylor & Caroline, skyping Erin ALL THE TIME, and living life to the fullest and spreading the love. Also, I hope that I will be working on a show with Jordi. :)
Whatever tickles your fancy:
This is what Jamie has to say about me.. its in my about me on facebook--
I can see how Kelley might perhaps seem quiet to those who haven't been around her very long, but they've been utterly fooled. Her flamboyant, theatre-loving, showtune-singing, zumba-dancing self will be revealed shortly. Kelley is the sort of person who will stop what she's doing to recall a dance sequence she learned for a show four years previous. She likes eating food of Mexican and Japanese origin and drinking coffee-ish drinks from McDonald's. Her favorite animal is a rabbit. If you can get her to start laughing, it might not stop for another five minutes. This will make you feel accomplished. Kelley likes to ride in cars with people because she says it's the best way to find out about who they are. Kelley is easily one of the kindest, most open and honest people you'll meet. She loves making friends and helping others and being sure that people feel loved.
take a long walk off a short pier.
Disclaimer: This entry contains lots of anger and lots of curse words.
Shoot me in the fucking face.
I HATE my feature writing class.
HATE
And I never use that word.
That stupid damn old woman professor talks about NOTHING and gives us NO good suggestions to make our shit better and then somehow I am like the ONLY one who can't seem to do well in there.
It SUCKS.
How could I have done well in news writing and be doing so shittily in this fucking class?!?!?! GFOSAHGOIFDHFDS:OIU H:OUFHDS:OSDOIFDSFIOHOD:HF:OIDSOIF
LIFE SUCKS
I HATE EVERYONE
Maybe I should just stand in the middle of the street and wait till I get hit by a bus.
That sounds simple.
God.
I'm sitting here listening to emo ass music because this fucking woman shows me NO MERCY and FLUNKS me on a story I spend HOURS writing. FUCK HER.
AND when I ask for help she tells me to send her the lead on my NEXT STORY. HOW THE HELL IS THAT GOING TO DO ANY GOOD?!?!?!?!
THATS NOT GOING TO HELP THE SHITTY ASS GRADES I HAVE MADE IN THERE SO FAR.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
kill me now.
i hate my life.
i hate the j-school.
i hate grades and my gpa and am SO OVER IT with working my ass off and not being good at ANYTHING.
This class is going to make me get kicked out of the fucking j-school. And its not going to be cute. Not at all. Her end of semester evaluation is going to be REALLYYYY NICE.
fuck.
fuck this.
Yes, I realize this was the biggest rant I have pretty much EVER had on here, and I apologize if you have actually read it all.
Shoot me in the fucking face.
I HATE my feature writing class.
HATE
And I never use that word.
That stupid damn old woman professor talks about NOTHING and gives us NO good suggestions to make our shit better and then somehow I am like the ONLY one who can't seem to do well in there.
It SUCKS.
How could I have done well in news writing and be doing so shittily in this fucking class?!?!?! GFOSAHGOIFDHFDS:OIU H:OUFHDS:OSDOIFDSFIOHOD:HF:OIDSOIF
LIFE SUCKS
I HATE EVERYONE
Maybe I should just stand in the middle of the street and wait till I get hit by a bus.
That sounds simple.
God.
I'm sitting here listening to emo ass music because this fucking woman shows me NO MERCY and FLUNKS me on a story I spend HOURS writing. FUCK HER.
AND when I ask for help she tells me to send her the lead on my NEXT STORY. HOW THE HELL IS THAT GOING TO DO ANY GOOD?!?!?!?!
THATS NOT GOING TO HELP THE SHITTY ASS GRADES I HAVE MADE IN THERE SO FAR.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
kill me now.
i hate my life.
i hate the j-school.
i hate grades and my gpa and am SO OVER IT with working my ass off and not being good at ANYTHING.
This class is going to make me get kicked out of the fucking j-school. And its not going to be cute. Not at all. Her end of semester evaluation is going to be REALLYYYY NICE.
fuck.
fuck this.
Yes, I realize this was the biggest rant I have pretty much EVER had on here, and I apologize if you have actually read it all.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
i wrote this for you.. relevant quotes
Every time they cut you, I bleed.
Sometimes I can't work out if you're a friend who wants to talk to me or an enemy who wants to take from me.
I'm with them because, despite everything, I still love them. And while you might walk in and find me punching a wall, it's only because I want to kiss their lips.
There's no revenge here.
Love doesn't hate back.
Sometimes I can't work out if you're a friend who wants to talk to me or an enemy who wants to take from me.
I'm with them because, despite everything, I still love them. And while you might walk in and find me punching a wall, it's only because I want to kiss their lips.
There's no revenge here.
Love doesn't hate back.
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