you might think im losing my mind, but i will shy away from the specifics

that is pretty much the cutest thing ever. and SOOO TRUE.

in other news, my room is about as big a mess as my life is.. and today after spending 3 hours making cockroach costumes with Taylor and tearing my room apart looking for my blasted leg warmers, i looked at the MESS surrounding me & said, "things like this make me feel like I don't deserve to live" ..& then I LOLed my pants off in a laughing mental breakdown for like 10minutes.
such is life.

unraveled

I feel like everything in my life is spinning out of control all around me.
That every aspect of my life is a long ribbon stapled to my being and they're whipping in the sharp cold wind.
Unraveling.
Tangling me up.
Strangling me.
Nothing is under my control.
Everything is blowing in the breeze
and the moment I feel like I have one or two back
clutched between my bony fingers;
the hurricane comes.

I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread;
that my entire life is a great cluster of helium balloons
and I'm grasping them with all my might
but my palms are starting to sweat
and they're slipping.
Some have already gone,
wriggling out of the bundle
floating away...

Fearing failure is no longer relevant because I am already failing.
And in some ways,
I don't care.

I don't like this
but I have accepted it
its happening.
I am gripping onto those balloons ...

I just wish that my effort to make things better would actually make something better.
I have to work my ass off for something you would call a disappointment.

this is all i've got.

at least ipods are normal sized.

How many songs total: 2517

How many hours or days of music: 6 days... (how is that correct?!)

Sort by song title

First song: ABC Cafe/Red & Black- Les Miserables
Last song: Zydrate Anatomy- Repo: The Genetic Opera

Sort by time

Shortest song: Transition: Tear Up Those Records- Anyone Can Whistle
Longest song: Simple: The Interrogation- Anyone Can Whistle.. how ironic?!?

Sort by album

First album: Abbey Road
Last album: 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling

Top five most played songs

1. Devil in Me- Kate Voegele
2. Somewhere only we know- Keane
3. Shattered- OAR
4. Where I Stood- Missy Higgins
5. Might Have Been- Kate Voegele

First song that comes up on shuffle-
Somebody to Love- Glee Cast

Search the following & state how many songs come up

Death - 8
Life - 37
Love - 129
Hate - 6
You - 375
Sex - 1

you carry your heavy heart with such grace;

i suck at academics.
for real...
i mean, i have clearly been procrastinating a lot this semester. but like, i do what i am supposed to do, and i always feel like i do it well.. and when i have to study, i do. and then i take a test and do crappily on it. i havent even been doing well on papers which it weird for me.
it sucks.
i am so stupid.
i am not smart enough for this school, or to be in the j-school, but at this point i have to keep on trudging because i am too far along to change my major... -_-

i just need to make it through so i can keep doing shows. this is my only purpose now. lol. i suck at lifeeeeeeee!! GUH.

thats all.

wooka wooka wooka

Here is why I love my hall...

Today after returning from dinner with my dear friend Taylor having consumed a ceasar salad & broccoli cheddar soup & 2 giant cups of dr pepper, I decided to work on props for a little while, and then Taylor & I thought we would make use of my four hula hoops by going in the hall and attempting to use them.
So we did.
And I was good at it for the first time IN MY LIFE.
And then Erin & Sarah O. joined us, and later Tara came, and it was delightful.

SO that went on for like an hour.

Then this Asian girl read my palm and told me I was going to have 3 kids- 2 boys & a girl. And also that I would have a good career but then in my 40s stop working and let the husband deal with the finances. Also she said that I'm not going to be healthy when I get older which is pretty terrifying. So then I ate 3 lenoir cookies because I don't care.

But she did say that time is in flux, and the lines on your hands change as you get older and make decisions that will impact your future. Its all quite interesting really.

I need to learn more about this.
:) lol.

& yet i have hope

Yet I call this to mind & therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. -Lamentations 3:22-23

i think its important to note

Here are some aspects of my personality type that are particularly relevant to how I feel right now.

ENFJs know and appreciate people. Like most NFs, (and Feelers in general), they are apt to neglect themselves and their own needs for the needs of others.

these folks are predisposed to closure in matters pertaining to people, and especially on behalf of their beloved.

The ENFJ puts relationships and responsibilities before personal leisure. Their time can be imposed upon easily

ENFJs may find themselves feeling responsible for the feelings of others to an extent which places a burden on the relationship.

They are likely to be very concerned about the problems of those close to them

so basically..
I don't play.. let's remember that before you start fucking with my FRIENDS.
I will fight you.
And I will win.
You DO NOT mess with people I love.
No sir.