favorite affordable beauty products;

13 personal questions;

frivolous pursuits;

In 2013 I basically never blogged. I am going to attempt to change that this year, at least to an extent. In a year of 365 days, I should write at least 100 blog posts. Like... seriously. 

My new year's resolution situation is going okay so far... one of my resolutions was to get better about cleaning on a prompt, consistent basis. Still riding the struggle bus on that one, but the others are going quite well! 

I just feel SO much better when I do things instead of going home and watching tv all evening. Like last night, even though I worked late, I came home, ate dinner, worked out, showered, washed the dishes, got my clothes & crap ready for today... I mean, these are kind of like lame, uninteresting activities. BUT those things are much better than letting the dishes pile up and being lazy, yes? 

Another thing I've been wanting to do for MONTHS now is start making youtube videos again. I was super active on youtube back in like 2008-2010, when Michael Buckley was at the height of his popularity and collab channels were the best thing ever. 

I definitely wish  I had kept it up, but at the same time I know I didn't have ANY time junior year of college, wasn't in the right place mentally/emotionally (nor did I have time) senior year of college, wouldn't have had the technology to do videos while I was in Europe. Then the move to NYC happened, and my life was in a constant state of flux for like 1.5 years. BUT NOW is a wonderful time to get back at it because I have a much more stable life, a predictable schedule, and a long term job & apartment. 

Also, I've grown up a lot, and I think I have a unique & useful perspective now, and actually do feel like I have something legitimate to offer. I am pretty confident, enough so that even if my videos get like 20 views each for the next year, I'll be okay. I will have tried, and I will have spent my time doing something enjoyable. 

I want to make beauty & style videos, healthy living tips, vlogs, tags... I just want to play and be in the community. I am good enough to be there, and I will not be intimidated by the ridiculous chasm there is on youtube between the popular and the unpopular.

I mean, I know I'll never get to like.. Zoella status or anything, and I am totally okay with that. I don't want to be a FAMOUS youtuber. I would like to be a respected one though.

Anyway, here is my intro video: 

Videos are going to happen twice a week. The party starts tomorrow.

resolutions!

So here are my 2013 resolutions and my thoughts/how I did at them:

`   1.   Do more things just because I can and because it would make me happy. Be free and enjoy.

I don’t think I did this as much as I should have. Sometimes, yes, but not terribly often. I tend to get stuck in my own head and within the limitations I put on myself be they time, money, what I think my priority should be, etc. Maybe I should work on this.

2. Stop doubting people who I know love me. Feel more secure in my good friendships and stop worrying that I am not good enough or that any tiny mistake I make will end a friendship  or make me unworthy of that person. Because real friendships don't just end out of the blue like that.

I got better about this, but still have a wee bit to work on.

3. Stop worrying about what other people will think of the decisions I make.

I think I just grew out of this, so accomplished, I guess!

4. Continue to read often.

I did soooo well at the beginning of the year.. the first few months actually, but then I just completely slacked off. I really want to work on this in 2014.

5. Take some more time to be creative in some way. Be it writing, ukulele, art.. anything.

I did not do this. I definitely need to find some kind of hobby or outlet so that I have something else in my life other than work, but I’m still working on figuring out what I want that to be. Maybe youtube videos. Maybe going to see theatre more often, or just keeping up with different events to go to and actually going to them.. who knows.

6. Don't feel tied down. If I want to do something, do it. Don't feel like I need to have anyone else's approval or accompaniment.

Meh I kind of did this I guess? This is a hard year to asses because I was literally on the road for the first half of the year. But nevertheless, I don’t remember feeling too tied down..? idk.

7. Work on getting better at sharing my stories or feelings with others. And by others I mean Jenn. I need to learn how to elaborate on things and know that there are people who care enough to listen.

I HAVE GOTTEN A LOT BETTER AT THIS

8. Get a full time job (like legit full time with benefits and stuff).

I DID THIS

9. Don't get depressed if I cannot fulfill #8. As long as I do my best to get there, know that is enough.

THIS DOESN’T EVEN APPLY BECAUSE I DID #8!

10. Whenever I have really negative thoughts, get out of my own head. Think of something positive, or talk to someone. Break the cycle of negativity and the feelings of failure and worthlessness.

I tried to do this, and definitely in the latter part of the year got better at being open about how I’m feeling... still have a little way to go on this, but definitely made progress.

NOW, for this year’s resolutions.

1. Work out more. Literally, every day that I have time to work out, I want to do it. Throughout 2013, I got into running, thereby re-awakening my zumba-loving soul, and I started working out a LOT more often than ever before. I honestly really like working out- it makes me feel so much better, and I definitely want to make it a huge priority this year.
   
2. Eat better. This is something else I’ve gotten a lot more aware of/good at in 2013, but I just want to take it to the next level this year- I need to work on not having any sweets in my apartment, and if they show up, I need to not eat them. I have a notorious sweet tooth. I also want to stay more conscious of how much I’ve eaten throughout the day, because I often find myself being like “Well, all ive had today is ____, so I can eat this…” but then later I remember that I also ate like three other things. That’s where I get into trouble.
   
   
3. Add some variety to my routine. The thing is, having a full time job comes with a full time routine. And of course, my routine has become very much work, then come home and watch tv all evening. I need to use my evenings to their full potential, and my weekends as well. At first I’m sure it will seem exhausting to come home and cook, work out, clean, read, do something creative.. or whatever, BUT I am sure it will help with my boredom and my sense of accomplishment.
   
   
4. Become consistent at cleaning. I really need to be better at washing the dishes every day, keeping my room swept and my rug clean (I swear that rug is actually just a cat hair magnet), keeping the bathroom clean… just all the things. This is something else that will seem quite daunting/exhausting at first but will definitely be helpful in the long run.
   
   
5. Read more. Like when I am on the subway, instead of playing Candy Crush, I should read. That is all.
   
   
6. Go on a trip. I want to take like a week off work at some point and go somewhere really cool. 

That's all! Hopefully these will go a bit better than last year. Happy 2014 everyone! :) 

2013;

1. What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before?
went on tour, worked for a dance competition, got a full time job, experienced a ceiling cave-in, went to New Orleans, enjoyed beer (thoroughly), took up running, quit a job (sort of.. it was supposed to be a long term temp job but I quit after 2 days because I got offered the full time job I have now)

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 
I think I kept most of them actually, if not all! I'm planning to look over and re-asses them before writing mine for 2014.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Leslie did recently! And Catherine will be soonish!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
no, thankfully.

5. What countries did you visit?
NONE UNFORTUNATELY

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
I'd like to have fewer insecurities, and possibly a few more close friends... also a Macbook Air

7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
not sure! I can't think of any right now, so probably none. There are lots of events that I'll always remember, but probably not the exact date that goes along with them

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
getting a full time job, adapting so well to tour life & my job therein, and learning to be vulnerable and more open with my best friend

9. What was your biggest failure?
nothing terribly huge, but there are several people I met that I would've liked to have spent more time with and gotten closer to, and a few times when I didn't seize the moment the way I would've hoped... and a few times I was emotional/irrational/moody due to my insecurities

The usual.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had the flu and still went to New Hampshire and worked a show weekend- that was a rough time

11. What was the best thing you bought?
my Iphone, and everything I bought for Jenn's birthday weekend, and every single food and beverage item I consumed in New Orleans

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Jenn of course, my boss because she hired me, and Lyssa because she gave me a LOT of confidence in my tour job :)

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
the super at my old apartment... and a couple others who just basically were poo faces a lot of the time

14. Where did most of your money go?
rent and putting down the deposit and broker fee and first month on the new apartment... and New Orleans

15. What were you really, really, really excited about?
NEW ORLEANS and moving into my new apartment

16. What song will always remind you of 2013?
Cruise by Florida Georga Line will always make me think of tour life, Wop will always make me think of my old apartment and the good times we had there, and I think Carry On by Fun has made its mark this year as well

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) Happier or sadder?

happier I think! I am more secure in my life- good job, good apartment.. life is pretty solid!

b) Bigger or smaller? 

smaller- everyone says I've lost weight and I think I have a little but I don't weigh myself so I guess we'll never know for sure

c) Richer or poorer?
a teeny bit richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I kind of wish I'd gotten more involved and hung out with people I met on tour- I thought at the time I'd see them a lot after and possibly be doing it again this year, but neither is happening and at this point I feel too awkward to start hanging out with them.. MEH.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
been insecure

20. How did you spend Christmas?
at my parents' house, receiving socks and Forever 21 gift cards, eating turkey and mashed potatoes, and watching tv

21. How many one-night stands?
zero

22. Did you fall in love in 2013?
nope

23. What was your favourite TV programme?
Dance Moms, SVU.. lately I've become a little obsessed with Bones and The Biggest Loser... but probably my favorite NEW show of the year was Orange is the New Black

24. How will you see in the New Year?
at a friend's apartment I believe- should be a nice little gathering!

25. Do you hate / dislike anyone now that you didn't hate / dislike this time last year? 
nope

26. What was the best book you read? 
the one about the ghost in the Kresley Cole Immortals After Dark series... I can never remember the title

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Lorde & Bastille

28. What did you want and get?
a better apartment, a full time job, an Iphone

29. What did you want and not get?
a Macbook

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
The Heat and/or Catching Fire

31. What did you do on your birthday?
WELL I had a lovely gathering at my apartment which Jenn orchestrated, I went shopping, I went to brunch... it was pretty fantastic!!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I'm not sure! I had a pretty satisfying year, but I guess the biggest thing would be if I lacked insecurities, I would've had a lot less mopey moments

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
laid back chic.. its a thing now. I am loving quirky/modern/functional pieces- semi-short skater dresses, jeans in any color other than blue, printed sweaters, woven lace-ish tops were a summer staple... I'm definitely a more laid back dresser but have felt pretty snazzy as well. So therefore I have coined the term 'laid back chic'

34. What kept you sane?
my best friend

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
not sure! I haven't fallen in love with anyone new that I can think of.. oh hey but how about youtubers? Zoella and Louise (sprinkleofglitter) are my new favorites

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I try not to get stirred by politics

37. Who did you miss?
friends I made on tour, and of course I always miss college friends and theatre friends from back in the day

38. Who was the best new person you met?
my work friends are amazing- so this goes to Andrew, Kate & Matthew

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
things that scare you really are worth doing

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
this is a bit of a stretch, but the parallel between the Fun's lines "but I still wake up, I still see your ghost, Oh Lord I'm still not sure what I stand for" (Some Nights) and "I was found and now I don't roam the streets, I am not the ghost you are to me" (Carry On) always pleases me.. I think its quite relate-able as well

41. What was your favourite moment of the year?
being in New Orleans was absolute bliss

42. What was your least favourite moment of the year?
the times I was unemployed, the time I had the flu, the times I felt alone, and the times I've seen my best friend upset

43. Where were you when 2013 began?
in the subway, unfortunately.. we were trying to get to a bar but didn't quite make it after all our frolicking took longer than expected

44. Who were you with?
my best buddy

45. Where will you be when 2013 ends?
at Chris & Jessie's

46. Who will you be with when 2013 ends?
Jenn, Chris, Jessie, various other people

47. What was your favourite month of 2013?
second half of May through first half of June were awesome, and October was pretty stellar as well

48. Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2013?
more than any previous year, so yes I guess

49. Did you do a lot of drugs in 2013?
none

50. How many people did you sleep with in 2013?
whatever zero

51. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
not that I can think of. There are of course a few situations I wish I'd handled a bit differently, but no shame.

52. What was the worst lie someone told you in 2013?
I can't really think of any!

53. Did you treat somebody badly in 2013?
I tried not to, but I know I have my asshole moments

54. Did somebody treat you badly in 2013?
yes, but I don't even know that they were aware of it

56. How much money did you spend in 2013?
more than I would have liked because I am cheap, but I definitely did not over-spend and I am glad about that

57. If you could go back in time to any moment of 2013 and change what?
this question is not quite a complete sentence BUT ummm... I probably would have gone to the Hot Mess Gala. I also would have been a better best friend in those moments were I just legitimately fucked up

58. What are your plans for 2014? 

keep my job and my apartment, try to go see more theatre, and I'd like to travel for fun once or twice... I also want to really get in the habit of working out every day (with a few worthy exceptions) and keep eating healthily. I also would like to take some time to be more creative in some way

the thankfulness post;

I actually wrote this on Thanksgiving but am now finally posting it on Christmas day. So uh.. Merry Christmas? And here are some things I am thankful for.

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Today is Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday. I am spending it alone unfortunately, but there are soooo many things I am thankful for an so many reasons I am okay with being here by myself today.

Here is what I am thankful for.

1. My beautiful, amazing, incomparable best friend Jenn. She is everything to me and everything I am and she is perfect and I won at life because she is in it.
2. My health.
3. My parents, who are always willing to support me.
4. The fact that I fulfilled a lifelong dream by moving to NYC and making a life for myself here.
5. My job.
6. My boss and my coworkers, all of whom are lovely.
7. The NYC subway, and the fact that I do not have to pay for gas or car insurance or tune ups or oil changes, and I can get where I need to go.
8. My best friend's cat, who lives here with us.
9. Iced coffee.
10. My apartment- it is adorable and getting more and more well decorated by the day... its great.
11. The park across the street, and the amazing view of lower Manhattan we can see from there.
12. The fact that the convenient store next door takes debit/credit cards.
13. The delicious pizza place down the street.
14. Photography.
15. Musical theatre, and the fact that I live in a city where it is so easy to experience.
16. Music in general, and inspiring lyrics.
17. The fact that I am able to not only get things I need, but also lots of things that I just want.
18. Netflix, hulu plus, the internet, social media, all that stuff.
19. Chipotle burritos.
20. The deliciousness of Thanksgiving food.
21. ALL my friends, new and old.
22. My freedom.. not just as like an American and stuff, but also as a human who doesn't have to depend on anyone to do what I want.
23. My past- including my theatre & school experiences, that made me who I am today.
24. Stacy London. I owe her SO much.. I know I say this a lot, but she honestly did change my life and without her I have no idea where I would be right now.
25. The experiences I was so fortunate to have in Europe, especially Poland.
26. Hugs.
27. The fact that the majority of my problems are first world problems.
28. Old friends, many of whom I am no longer in touch with, but all of whom had a hand in shaping me into who I am!
29. Laughter.
30. Faith.

That's all I can think of at the moment. Happy Thanksgiving lovely people! :)

personality;

So I took the RHETI personality test and tied on ALL THREE of these results. Mostly putting this here for my own fyi.

Type Two
The Helper
The caring, interpersonal type. Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others.

Type Three 
The Achiever 
The adaptable, success-oriented type. Threes are self-assured, attractive, and charming. Ambitious, competent, and energetic, they can also be status-conscious and highly driven for advancement. They are diplomatic and poised, but can also be overly concerned with their image and what others think of them. They typically have problems with workaholism and competitiveness. At their Best:: self-accepting, authentic, everything they seem to be—role models who inspire others.

Type Seven 
The Enthusiast
The busy, productive type. Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over-extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied.