like an indian summer in the middle of winter

So, how bout a real blog for once, eh?

Ok.

I am in summer school, taking news writing & child development.. because I am a glutton for punishment... buh. But it is going well so far. & my roomie is my dearest ewin. ;D so yes. loveleh.

thats all.
this is why i always write complex theoretical blogs.

which i have plans for.. but am not quite inspired to write yet. i listened to amazing music tonight hoping to GET inspired but it was a fail.. perhaps tomorrow when i am sitting here, again, not being studious.

concerto

Thinking of You- Katy Perry
Manhattan from the Sky-Kate Voegele
Lift me Up- Kate Voegele
Without You- Catherine Duke
Chasing Pavements- Adele
You Found Me- The Fray
Vienna- The Fray
Somewhere only we know- Keane
Where I Stood- Missy Higgins
Shattered- OAR
City- Sara Bareilles
Vulnerable- Secondhand Serenade
I'd Lie- Taylor Swift
Green- Brendan James
Manchester- Brendan James
Barriers- David Archuleta
A Little too Not Over You- David Archuleta
Might Have Been- Kate Voegele
Devil in me- Kate Voegele
Many the Miles- Sara Bareilles

without you

You walked into my life.
I said hello.
You held me.
I loved you.
I had your back.
You helped me.
We laughed.
I smiled for you.
You took care of me.
You held my hand.
We hugged.
I loved you.
You loved me.
We said goodbye.
You drove away.
---
I followed you.
You thanked me.
I reached out.
You answered.
We reunited.
We spoke.
We laughed.
You smiled.
I loved it.
I had to go.
We hugged.
You loved me.
I loved you.
We said goodbye.
I drove away.
---
I reached out.
You didn't answer.
---
why?

vulnerable

Share with me the blankets that you're wrapped in
because its cold outside cold outside
Share with me the secrets that you kept in
because its cold inside
And your slow, shaking fingertips
show that you're scared like me
so let's pretend we're alone;
and I know you may be scared
and I know were unprepared
but I don't care.
Tell me tell me
what makes you think that you are invincible?
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure.
Please don't tell me that I'm the only one that's vulnerable.
Impossible.
I was born to tell you I love you-
isn't that a song already?
I get a B in originality.
& it's true I cant go on without you;
your smile makes me see clearer.
If you could only see in the mirror what I see.
...I promise I can be what you need.

Good work there Secondhand Serenade. You speak to my heart. :)

how could i ever know

I am just like you.

Part of me hates that I was even capable of that... but it was unavoidable. The distance took me away. buh.

It is my fault.
And your fault, from my view.
Holy shit.

I can't believe I never knew...

tell me that you need me, then you go & cut me down

-I feel weird telling people I know you. Like it is a lie now. But then I see you in some interview or something and I am so happy! Because I DO know you, I know you better than a lot of people do; because I know the vulnerable you, the one who needed me, the one who needs just as much love and encouragement as the rest of us. "There was a time our happiness seemed never ending, I was so sure that where we were heading was right. Life was a road, so certain and straight and unbending; our little road, with never a crossroad in sight... There was a time when you were the person in motion; I was your [friend]- it never occurred to want more. You were my sky, my moon and my stars and my ocean. We can never go back to before." You treated me like a daughter, you were there for me... and then you weren't. I don't know how to feel anymore. I know you. I know who you really are. I know that you speak your mind, but you will be friends with anyone and everyone, you loved me- I could see it in your eyes, we had laughs and inside jokes and we knew how to treat each other. I miss that. And there is nothing to replace it. And I am going to do my damndest to get it back- even though you may have already let go.

-I miss you a lot more than you realize. Becoming friends with you was fulfilling a dream for me- I always wished it would happen, and when it did- wow. The smile you give me is like no other. I just wish you needed me like I need you.

i'd like to propose a toast

I posted this on my myspace blog like a year ago.. re-read it the other day & decided I still like it- which is rare for me. Raise your glasses, I'd like to propose a toast.
-----------
Here's to pretending like everything is okay; when we all know it isn't. To the cracks in the foundations of the relationships we attempt to create. To staying up late and sleeping half the day away. To wondering when you'll see him next. To wishing for that person to call, and checking your phone every ten minutes to see if they have. To sitting for hours and listening to loud music, hoping it will make everything go away. To wanting to be wanted. To the paper thin walls of a home where you wonder when the yelling will stop. To always knowing you are more perceptive than they think you are. To wishing for a fairy tale ending, but believing in a lonely one. To holding back tears when you think you may never see them again. To smiling to encourage someone else, even when you are devastated inside. To those few fleeting moments when all is right with the world. To wishing you had more to offer. To feeling like you are loved; even when it doesn't last very long. To talking on the phone until 3 in the morning. To wondering who would cry at your funeral. To trying not to cry at others'. To empty bottles of wine and wilted roses. To feeling like you should have been born somewhere else. To trying to reach someone with what you create, and never succeeding. To wishing that you could just say something right. To being there whenever you are needed, but being afraid to call on them when you need something. To the one who makes you weak at the knees. To always dreaming of more than you know you will ever get. To looking forward to seeing that person all day, and then not knowing what to say when you see them. To the family you wish you had. To letting your mind waste away on pointless comedy sitcoms. To wondering if anyone ever wishes you would get online, just so they could talk to you. To saving things that are useless, just because they remind you of happier times. To dreaming of a brighter day. To the moments we share together, making connections, and hoping that the person you dream of will someday love you back. To candlelit dinners, and moonlit walks. To staying up all night; just to see the sunrise. To those girls who change who they are to try and fit in. To always chasing the love that eludes you, and taking for granted the love that is right in front of you. To painful goodbyes and happy hellos. To a bouquet of flowers that wither away next to a gravestone. To the moments when you can forget everything and are truly blissful. To forgiveness. To the emotional walls we build for ourselves, and to the people who care enough to tear them down. To facing the hours, day after day. To letting someone in. To staying angry for no reason, just so you have something to feel. To conventionality, and standing up against it. To believing in reform. And to that day, when you finally get up the courage to tell him you love him and he asks what took you so long.