britches

The girl sat there, wracked with emotion. Summer usually meant spending nights on the beach, days by the pool, and the occasional afternoon working at the Baskin Robbins a few blocks north of her home. This summer was different. This summer, the girl sat on her antique twin bed, adorned with its mismatching sheets that were in desperate need of a wash, her stringy chesnut brown hair hung just below her shoulders, and in her hand she held a photo. This photo was the girls only present reminder of the previous summer,... Pictured was the girl herself, standing beside an woman, probably about seven years older than the girl. This woman had the prefect milky skintone that resembled porcelin, her deep brown eyes sparkled, and her shiny auburn hair was piled atop her head in a complex up do. The two had their arms wrapped around each other in a joyful embrace. But now things were different. The girl gazed at this photo almost scornfully. She longed for the acceptance and love she had felt the moment it was taken, and tossed it onto the floor of her bedroom.
"Meow." A cat entered the room with its whiny greeting and sat right on top of the photo.
"Tasha! No!" The girl leapt off her bed and the cat scurried away. The girl picked the photo up off the ground and noticed the pair of black denim pants lying there as well. She picked them up and read the tag- "100% cotton." They had shrunk since the previous summer, and now those pants that once belonged to the woman in the photo no longer fit the girl. Her inability to wear the pants reminded her of the exit of the woman in the photo from her life. "So close and yet so far" was a completely accurate description of their relationship.
Just then the girl's small pink cell phone exploded with noise and rapid vibration. She leaned over to pick it up. "Hey."
"Hey Addi what's up?" a boy's voice permeated through the phone and could have been heard four feet away.
"Not much... How're you?"
"I'm chill. Just wondering if you wanna come jam with me and some guys tonight."
"Oh.. well, I..."
"Its gonna be awesome- seriously, you should come."
"Okay. Fine. I'll come."
"Sweet see you later."
"Bye."
Addison's relationship with this boy, Jason, had begun the day after the photo, now lying on the floor of her room, had been taken. They met as Addison lugged box after box up and down the stairs of her dorm on move-in day, and Jason was immediately intrigued with her ability to wear silver dangly earrings and a dress while lifting heavy objects and trudging up and down four flights of stairs all day.

here's what i like

-When you smell like someone after you hug them.
-Frolicking in the warm spring rain.
-Hugs.
-Sitting in the grass.
-The arboretum; I am looking forward to spending a lot of time there this summer.
-Mcdonalds; they have coffee and its CHEAP.
-Gay guys. Yes. They are wondrous.
-Pajama pants.
-Riding in cars with people; its a great way to get to know someone.
-not done. more to come. :)

by the way...

fuck you.

& when you look that way, it makes me wanna cry.

I love you.
I love you with all my heart and soul.
I want to scratch your back when you sit in front of me.
I want to hold your hand when you walk beside me.
I want to be the person you go to when you need help.
I want to hug you at random moments.
I just want to be there beside you.
You had me at hello. People like you make it seem so effortless.
I am so stupid. But I expect it, and enjoy it.
And maybe, one day, I will find my Will.

-----------

Then there's you... sir.
What is wrong with me?
I am in love with everything about you.
You seriously have the ideal personality of anyone I would ever want to be with.
Why?!?! Why you?!?!
WHY does this have to be so damn complicated?!?
Honestly, this situation could not be any worse.
Though.. perhaps you're not meant for me... but even then, I would still love a chance.
I NEED someone like you.
I NEED YOU.
And I hate that about myself.
argh.

whether i like it or not

You might just be the ONE person I have liked, maybe even loved, all along; and the one I would never be able to even begin to tell about it.

You make me happy, and even though you're kind of toxic, I'm still fighting.

You'll never love me like I love you.

Either way- I will not be completely happy.

I am starting to enjoy your company.

Maybe I need to keep searching...

Be still & know

I need to take some time out for God.
I need to be still and know..
Tomorrow is Easter.. the day the Lord Jesus Christ rose from the dead, after paying for our sins, allowing the New Covenant to be established so that we, I, would have the chance to live eternally with Him in Paradise.

This week is going to be absolutely ridiculous.
So, tomorrow, Easter, Resurrection Day, I will sit outside... and be still... and read His word... and talk to Him... and rejoice in the beauty of nature, and the glory of His love.

<3

tell me that you need me

It's like I don't know how to describe you anymore. Are you my friend, or aren't you? Do you care, or don't you? If you wanted to see me, you would have. But you haven't, so obviously you don't care.... So why do I care??! Why the FUCK does it matter to me when you obviously don't give a shit?!? Maybe its because you pretended.... to the point of extremity... you made it seem like I mattered. And now I am no one to you. But I still care. Because apparently I am an idiot.

Its sad how people we know become people we knew.. how you can walk right past someone and pretend they were never a big part of your life...

Its like we are slowly fading away from each other.. And I think we are both pretending that we're still really close, but we are obviously not. But, to be honest, I think we can bring it back. Because there is no one there to replace you.

I am on the dark side of the moon.
I am not the same person I was two years ago.
I am learning, growing, experiencing.

Life is amazing. Jesus is amazing.

I need to make dinner plans for tonight...