October Favorites! Makeup & More!

own it;

I saw this image on tumblr, and I have very mixed feelings about it. You do own everything that happened to you. Your feelings, no matter what they are, are yours and you should own them proudly.

HOWEVER. Please do not take it upon yourself to trash people on the internet, because that is pretty much what this post is encouraging.

If you want to write an autobiography or something and include people you don't like in your writing, please change their names. Please do not use your creativity to hurt someone who possibly might be awful, but also might really regret how they treated you.

Own your behavior. Use your judgment. Don't encourage hate or revenge. Just find your chill and realize that the things you say (no matter what someone else may have said to you) can really really hurt and weigh on someone.

I'm just saying, please think before you write.

Don't trash someone who never stopped loving you.

Fall Lookbook!!

DIY Unicorn Halloween Costume Tutorial!

DIY Unicorn Halloween Costume Tutorial!

california rain;

Oh hi there.

I am really bored today so I decided that typing might make me appear busy, so here I am.

This week has been crazy- Monday I had to work late and then had to run an errand before I went home, Tuesday I met up with Erin briefly and then had dinner with Jordi, Wednesday I attempted to go to the Central Perk pop up shop after work but then didn't even get in because the line was so long, so then today (Thursday) Jenn & I woke up at crazy o'clock so we could get there early & hopefully make it in before work.

LUCKILY, we did, and it was very cute. I made it to work right on time. :)

Also, this morning, I planned out my entire video schedule through the end of November, and my goal is to be super diligent with the filming and make some legit content. Plus, since Jenn will be away for Thanksgiving week and I will not, I really want to use that time to film a TON of stuff .. I know that's like over a month away but its something that needs to happen.
I haven't uploaded anything since my birthday, so I REALLY want to get my Fall Lookbook edited & up on Sunday... after filming Saturday. This will be a challenge, especially since I need to film a couple other videos on Saturday as well.. 1-2 Halloween tutorials, maybe a Halloween treats video, and my October favorites. I really want to get back ahead of myself with this, so that I'll consistently be filming a full week ahead, so in case I get busy and/or lazy and decide not to film one weekend, I'll still have something to upload during the week.

That's really all that's happening at the moment.

Hope whoever is reading this is having a fabulous day!

call my name;

Can I just say that I am so glad that as I've gotten older I have continued learning and growing? Like. Honestly.

I've been kind of nostalgic lately, so I've been looking back on events and photos from college and high school and I cannot imagine what my thought process was when dealing with certain things from back then. Even some stuff from like a year ago! Like, WHAT?! Grow up, Kel.

I've just had a lot of thoughts and feelings lately and am coming to some realizations about who I am, and am starting to really love myself for all of me, rather than just for certain aspects of my personality.

I feel like I went through a time period where I was not fully myself. I kind of lost sight of what my ideals were (though this may not have been noticeable to anyone but myself) and now I am starting to grow into myself more and re-discover those ideals.

I saw this on Instagram:

...and immediately re-thought basically every aspect of my life. 

There's no reason not to reach out to people you love and let them know you love them. In fact, its something we should all be doing more often. 

mind over matter;

I want to start blogging more, so here is a life update.

Work is fine, basically the same as always. My coworkers are still awesome and I am getting into a pretty decent groove where I'm not restless about how long I've been here or anything like that. I kind of want to be doing something more with my life but I think my brain and I are on the same page wherein its like .. this is cool for now.

My apartment is also fine. I've been on a miniature rampage lately where I've been rearranging my room and trying to give myself a bit of a change, and at the moment I really like it! I have my beauty stuff all together in one corner, which was my goal from the start. Before, my vanity was in one corner of the room and my body sprays/hair stuff/headbands & hair accessories were in the opposite corner. It speeds up my getting ready time by a couple minutes to have it all right there together, and those 2 minutes really matter. I was on time to work today for the first time in WEEKS, basically.

Although, in other apartment news, we've been having an issue with baby/adolescent cockroaches in the kitchen.. we think we've discovered where they're coming from, but the issue is GETTING to that spot to do something about it. They're coming from behind the fridge... so yeah. Going to have to pull it forward and Raid the shit out of that area soon.
I'm also a little bit dissatisfied at the moment with the massive amount of effort it takes to keep the apartment clean.. I think that as I'm getting older I'm noticing more and more dirt. We also don't have much storage space AT ALL so keeping things de-cluttered is also a challenge. Clutter and I do not get along. I really want to spruce up the wall decor in the kitchen and living room and hopefully make it feel a little more snazzy in there. I think this is coming from the fact that our lease ended at the end of September, and since we've chosen to renew it, I'm feeling the urge to revamp a bit since we didn't move.
Also its kind of lame that everyone I know is moving OUT of Brooklyn.. so now we will have to commute super far to hang out with anyone. Boo.

YouTube is meh. I enjoy making videos and editing and stuff, but even though I know I'm doing it for fun, I can't stop myself from seeing it as an obligation. I felt bad this weekend because I've been wanting to film my Fall Lookbook for a while, but didn't do it this weekend because I was basically just feeling lazy. I really want to get to a place where I can do YouTube strictly as a hobby and not feel like I HAVE to spend every weekend filming & editing a video.

In friend news, I have dinner plans with Jordi for tomorrow which I am super excited about! I miss her face.
ALSO! I reunited with Erin on Friday which was DELIGHTFUL and lovely!! It made my heart sooooo happy to see her. You have no idea.

I am really trying to be a better friend to everyone and step up my game a bit.
"When you know better, you do better."

i fucked up;

I cannot even explain how annoyed I am with my past self. If I had a TARDIS, I would go back and change the past. I know what it feels like to think you're being pushed away from people you love or to be left out. I know what its like to feel like the odd one out.

I am so infuriated with myself over that situation.
I never wanted to be the one to cause all that negativity and sadness and anger.

Honestly like what the fuck is wrong with me.

I've been trying to go through past thought processes and series of events and figure all this out, and here's what I've come up with.

So I moved to NYC on my own with 4 days' worth of clothing and nothing else. I struggled to get a job, was about 8 hours away from homelessness when my 2 week Cobble Hill sublet ended, then moved into another sublet with people who ate my food and used my body wash who I was SO intimidated by and just basically did not ever speak to, I had one friend in the city at the time (Jordi) and we did hang out but not often enough for me not to feel alone, and my job was awful. I basically felt very alone and unsure of myself and unsure of what I was trying to do with my life. I was very unhappy and basically spent evenings listening to Some Nights on repeat.

Then I found some people on Facebook who were looking to sign a lease, and we joined forces hoping to get along and find a great apartment.
Though the road to lease signing was long & turbulent, we finally got a place. It was nowhere near what I'd hoped, I was happy to be there. I finally (since graduating college) felt like I'd found some sense of stability & permanence. I was in a major NYC Honeymoon phase, and that phase lasted from about October until January.

Let's take a step back for a minute.

I grew up in theatre, and I grew up making friends with adults when I was like 15 years old who meant everything in the world  to me until they would leave North Carolina, and eventually they'd stop answering my emails. I had felt left behind. And even though I hated that about those friendships (that they disappeared into thin air), I grew up and inadvertently became a person who had to feel okay with letting things go. I did not want to be the vulnerable one anymore. Because of my childhood wounds, I suppressed my need to pull people closer who were far away. That is where my trouble started.

Now returning to what I was saying.

Because of all that and the Honeymoon phase, I kind of lost sight of things that were right in front of me. I completely romanticized my apartment, my job, my friendships (the ones in the vicinity).. everything. I took everything outside of that for granted and then was confused and hurt when my new outlook wasn't wholeheartedly embraced by everyone else.

I'm trying to say a lot of things here, most of which I doubt are coming across clearly.

But more than anything I want to say I'm sorry. I wasn't myself. I lost sight of who I was and I got caught up in me. I didn't fight for you. I thought what I did was fine and not a big deal at the time but in retrospect I am so infuriated with myself and if there's anything in my entire life I could change, it would be that.

I love you.
I cannot say I'm sorry enough.
I would do anything for you.
I love you.
It won't happen again.
Did I mention I love you?

What I Got For My Birthday: Fall Clothing Haul!!

Stace-aversary;

Five years ago today my life changed.

But before we get to that..

A little over five years ago, summer 2009, I became obsessed with a television show called What Not To Wear, and in turn, became thoroughly entranced by Stacy London.

I followed Stacy on Twitter, and from that moment, began interacting with her. After I made this video, I officially became one of Stacy's "Twitter girls" and had the opportunity to meet some fellow Stacy fans like Kayla, Ashley, and Heidi, all of whom are beautiful people who I am proud to know.

Another thing I did that summer was convince my mother to come with me to New York City the weekend before my birthday to see Stacy London speak at the 92nd Street Y. After much deliberation, we were set to go, and I was literally counting down the days until we would get on the plane.

Stacy and I discussed my outfit at length, of course.

And there was much anticipation prior to the event itself!

Cut to October 4, 2009.

That day, my mother and I woke up at the crack of dawn to fly from Raleigh, NC to New York City. We indulged in pizza, frolicked through Central Park, splurged on shoe purchases, saw a Broadway show, but none of that really mattered in the long run.

The moments leading up to Stacy's event, I was SO overwhelmed.

Stacy changed my life. She'd taught me to be confident, love myself, and to use style as self expression. I was beyond thrilled to have the opportunity to be in the same room as someone who was such an inspiration and role model to me (even if there were going to be like 500 other people in the room).

The giant grin did not leave my face from the moment I took my seat; 8th row, house right. During the onstage conversation, Stacy mentioned social media, and of course Twitter came up. Moments later, to my shock, Stacy said, "Speaking of... Kelley? Are you here?" and looked out towards the audience.

Despite my shock, I squealed, "I'm here!!" and waved my hand in the air.

I was to turn 21 three days later, and for that, Stacy had brought me a beer (appropriately packaged in a brown paper bag), and she called me up to the stage to accept it from her. Talk about a EPIC moment!! My first ever beer was given to me by my QUEEN. To this day, that moment is one of my most treasured experiences in my life.

Stacy handed me the beer, complimented my outfit, squeezed my hand, and various people in the audience wished me happy birthday as I returned to my seat. My heart was beating fast and my enormous grin could've been visible from space.

After the show, I was escorted to a VIP room with amazing cupcakes where Stacy was to appear. We hugged, took photos, and I had the opportunity to have a conversation with her.

Honestly, I don't even vaguely remember ANYTHING I said, but I do remember that we ended up holding hands and I spilled my guts over how important she was to me and how thankful I was. The one utterance I do remember verbatim is when I told her, "You changed my life."

To that, Stacy replied, "You can change your life."

To this day, that is the sentence that helps keep me going in my weakest moments.


Stacy helped me discover my own strength, and by believing in me, she taught me to believe in myself. I honestly have no idea where I'd be today if I hadn't met her.

That beer stayed in my dorm room all year, and still has never been opened. Its at my parents' house now, in a place of honor on my bookshelf. It would be in my apartment, but I am not sure how I'd manage to get it onto an airplane...

Anyway, the tweets continued, and the meeting Stacy experience is something that I would (and will) treasure forever. 

Stacy was always there when I needed her, and was willing to help with anything from outfit advice to helping me deal with silly friend drama.

Her guidance in my life is something that honestly changed me forever, and no matter if the issue was big or small, she was always there, 160 characters away, to listen.

----------------

A little over a year later, during my senior year of college (fall 2010), I saw Stacy again, at the opening of Tanger Outlets, a mall in North Carolina. There, she introduced me to Mr. Tanger himself, and told him "Kel and I go way back." I'll never forget that, or how happy I was that day. 

Also can we just take a moment and look at how GORGEOUS she is in that photo?!?! 

(I really wish I'd taken my freaking sunglasses off. Lifelong regret.)

After that, I wouldn't see Stacy again until April 2012, but throughout that time, she was still there for me, always available online when I needed her.

When I think back on it, I'm always surprised to realize that Stacy London has been such a constant in my life despite her fame, and the fact that her day job was a television show. I mean.. what? I am a random girl from North Carolina with a musical theatre obsession.

How did I get so lucky?

I'll never be able to answer that question, but what I do know for sure is that I am incredibly thankful for Stacy London, and for the countless things she has done for me over these past five years. She's been my ray of sunshine, my role model, my inspiration, and is someone who I've only grown to admire and love more as time has passed.

Stacy has truly been my fairy godmother.. sister?..person and continues to be that as her support of me has not ever lessened.

Stacy opened my mind to new possibilities for myself. She helped me believe in my own power and discover my strength. She taught me to dwell in possibility. And she taught me to see things not for what they are, but for what they can be. 

I've dealt with some real challenges since I've met Stacy, and I honestly cannot say for sure that I would have come out on the other side without her support. 

The person I admire the absolute most in the world took a moment out of her day to encourage me. To believe in me. To let me know I am worth it and I am beautiful.

I will never be able to fully express how grateful I am to Stacy London for absolutely everything she has done for me, or how happy and grateful I am to know her.

Love you, Stacy. 

Favorite Fall Things Tag!!