2013;

1. What did you do in 2013 that you'd never done before?
went on tour, worked for a dance competition, got a full time job, experienced a ceiling cave-in, went to New Orleans, enjoyed beer (thoroughly), took up running, quit a job (sort of.. it was supposed to be a long term temp job but I quit after 2 days because I got offered the full time job I have now)

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 
I think I kept most of them actually, if not all! I'm planning to look over and re-asses them before writing mine for 2014.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Leslie did recently! And Catherine will be soonish!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
no, thankfully.

5. What countries did you visit?
NONE UNFORTUNATELY

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
I'd like to have fewer insecurities, and possibly a few more close friends... also a Macbook Air

7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
not sure! I can't think of any right now, so probably none. There are lots of events that I'll always remember, but probably not the exact date that goes along with them

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
getting a full time job, adapting so well to tour life & my job therein, and learning to be vulnerable and more open with my best friend

9. What was your biggest failure?
nothing terribly huge, but there are several people I met that I would've liked to have spent more time with and gotten closer to, and a few times when I didn't seize the moment the way I would've hoped... and a few times I was emotional/irrational/moody due to my insecurities

The usual.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had the flu and still went to New Hampshire and worked a show weekend- that was a rough time

11. What was the best thing you bought?
my Iphone, and everything I bought for Jenn's birthday weekend, and every single food and beverage item I consumed in New Orleans

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Jenn of course, my boss because she hired me, and Lyssa because she gave me a LOT of confidence in my tour job :)

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
the super at my old apartment... and a couple others who just basically were poo faces a lot of the time

14. Where did most of your money go?
rent and putting down the deposit and broker fee and first month on the new apartment... and New Orleans

15. What were you really, really, really excited about?
NEW ORLEANS and moving into my new apartment

16. What song will always remind you of 2013?
Cruise by Florida Georga Line will always make me think of tour life, Wop will always make me think of my old apartment and the good times we had there, and I think Carry On by Fun has made its mark this year as well

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) Happier or sadder?

happier I think! I am more secure in my life- good job, good apartment.. life is pretty solid!

b) Bigger or smaller? 

smaller- everyone says I've lost weight and I think I have a little but I don't weigh myself so I guess we'll never know for sure

c) Richer or poorer?
a teeny bit richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I kind of wish I'd gotten more involved and hung out with people I met on tour- I thought at the time I'd see them a lot after and possibly be doing it again this year, but neither is happening and at this point I feel too awkward to start hanging out with them.. MEH.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
been insecure

20. How did you spend Christmas?
at my parents' house, receiving socks and Forever 21 gift cards, eating turkey and mashed potatoes, and watching tv

21. How many one-night stands?
zero

22. Did you fall in love in 2013?
nope

23. What was your favourite TV programme?
Dance Moms, SVU.. lately I've become a little obsessed with Bones and The Biggest Loser... but probably my favorite NEW show of the year was Orange is the New Black

24. How will you see in the New Year?
at a friend's apartment I believe- should be a nice little gathering!

25. Do you hate / dislike anyone now that you didn't hate / dislike this time last year? 
nope

26. What was the best book you read? 
the one about the ghost in the Kresley Cole Immortals After Dark series... I can never remember the title

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Lorde & Bastille

28. What did you want and get?
a better apartment, a full time job, an Iphone

29. What did you want and not get?
a Macbook

30. What was your favourite film of this year?
The Heat and/or Catching Fire

31. What did you do on your birthday?
WELL I had a lovely gathering at my apartment which Jenn orchestrated, I went shopping, I went to brunch... it was pretty fantastic!!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I'm not sure! I had a pretty satisfying year, but I guess the biggest thing would be if I lacked insecurities, I would've had a lot less mopey moments

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
laid back chic.. its a thing now. I am loving quirky/modern/functional pieces- semi-short skater dresses, jeans in any color other than blue, printed sweaters, woven lace-ish tops were a summer staple... I'm definitely a more laid back dresser but have felt pretty snazzy as well. So therefore I have coined the term 'laid back chic'

34. What kept you sane?
my best friend

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
not sure! I haven't fallen in love with anyone new that I can think of.. oh hey but how about youtubers? Zoella and Louise (sprinkleofglitter) are my new favorites

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I try not to get stirred by politics

37. Who did you miss?
friends I made on tour, and of course I always miss college friends and theatre friends from back in the day

38. Who was the best new person you met?
my work friends are amazing- so this goes to Andrew, Kate & Matthew

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
things that scare you really are worth doing

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
this is a bit of a stretch, but the parallel between the Fun's lines "but I still wake up, I still see your ghost, Oh Lord I'm still not sure what I stand for" (Some Nights) and "I was found and now I don't roam the streets, I am not the ghost you are to me" (Carry On) always pleases me.. I think its quite relate-able as well

41. What was your favourite moment of the year?
being in New Orleans was absolute bliss

42. What was your least favourite moment of the year?
the times I was unemployed, the time I had the flu, the times I felt alone, and the times I've seen my best friend upset

43. Where were you when 2013 began?
in the subway, unfortunately.. we were trying to get to a bar but didn't quite make it after all our frolicking took longer than expected

44. Who were you with?
my best buddy

45. Where will you be when 2013 ends?
at Chris & Jessie's

46. Who will you be with when 2013 ends?
Jenn, Chris, Jessie, various other people

47. What was your favourite month of 2013?
second half of May through first half of June were awesome, and October was pretty stellar as well

48. Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2013?
more than any previous year, so yes I guess

49. Did you do a lot of drugs in 2013?
none

50. How many people did you sleep with in 2013?
whatever zero

51. Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
not that I can think of. There are of course a few situations I wish I'd handled a bit differently, but no shame.

52. What was the worst lie someone told you in 2013?
I can't really think of any!

53. Did you treat somebody badly in 2013?
I tried not to, but I know I have my asshole moments

54. Did somebody treat you badly in 2013?
yes, but I don't even know that they were aware of it

56. How much money did you spend in 2013?
more than I would have liked because I am cheap, but I definitely did not over-spend and I am glad about that

57. If you could go back in time to any moment of 2013 and change what?
this question is not quite a complete sentence BUT ummm... I probably would have gone to the Hot Mess Gala. I also would have been a better best friend in those moments were I just legitimately fucked up

58. What are your plans for 2014? 

keep my job and my apartment, try to go see more theatre, and I'd like to travel for fun once or twice... I also want to really get in the habit of working out every day (with a few worthy exceptions) and keep eating healthily. I also would like to take some time to be more creative in some way

the thankfulness post;

I actually wrote this on Thanksgiving but am now finally posting it on Christmas day. So uh.. Merry Christmas? And here are some things I am thankful for.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today is Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday. I am spending it alone unfortunately, but there are soooo many things I am thankful for an so many reasons I am okay with being here by myself today.

Here is what I am thankful for.

1. My beautiful, amazing, incomparable best friend Jenn. She is everything to me and everything I am and she is perfect and I won at life because she is in it.
2. My health.
3. My parents, who are always willing to support me.
4. The fact that I fulfilled a lifelong dream by moving to NYC and making a life for myself here.
5. My job.
6. My boss and my coworkers, all of whom are lovely.
7. The NYC subway, and the fact that I do not have to pay for gas or car insurance or tune ups or oil changes, and I can get where I need to go.
8. My best friend's cat, who lives here with us.
9. Iced coffee.
10. My apartment- it is adorable and getting more and more well decorated by the day... its great.
11. The park across the street, and the amazing view of lower Manhattan we can see from there.
12. The fact that the convenient store next door takes debit/credit cards.
13. The delicious pizza place down the street.
14. Photography.
15. Musical theatre, and the fact that I live in a city where it is so easy to experience.
16. Music in general, and inspiring lyrics.
17. The fact that I am able to not only get things I need, but also lots of things that I just want.
18. Netflix, hulu plus, the internet, social media, all that stuff.
19. Chipotle burritos.
20. The deliciousness of Thanksgiving food.
21. ALL my friends, new and old.
22. My freedom.. not just as like an American and stuff, but also as a human who doesn't have to depend on anyone to do what I want.
23. My past- including my theatre & school experiences, that made me who I am today.
24. Stacy London. I owe her SO much.. I know I say this a lot, but she honestly did change my life and without her I have no idea where I would be right now.
25. The experiences I was so fortunate to have in Europe, especially Poland.
26. Hugs.
27. The fact that the majority of my problems are first world problems.
28. Old friends, many of whom I am no longer in touch with, but all of whom had a hand in shaping me into who I am!
29. Laughter.
30. Faith.

That's all I can think of at the moment. Happy Thanksgiving lovely people! :)

personality;

So I took the RHETI personality test and tied on ALL THREE of these results. Mostly putting this here for my own fyi.

Type Two
The Helper
The caring, interpersonal type. Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others.

Type Three 
The Achiever 
The adaptable, success-oriented type. Threes are self-assured, attractive, and charming. Ambitious, competent, and energetic, they can also be status-conscious and highly driven for advancement. They are diplomatic and poised, but can also be overly concerned with their image and what others think of them. They typically have problems with workaholism and competitiveness. At their Best:: self-accepting, authentic, everything they seem to be—role models who inspire others.

Type Seven 
The Enthusiast
The busy, productive type. Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over-extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied.

but we'll never be royals;

I can honestly say that life does not get any less confusing between the ages of 15 and 25. If anything, it gets more confusing.

At 15, all you're faced with is high school drama and dealing with parents on a daily basis. Those are the challenges.

At 25, I've come to realize that I am often overcome with a sense of.. "Am I doing this right?" And by "this" I mean life... everything. I feel like my life has all these different chapters. Chapter 1 being childhood, 2 would be high school and all the memories I have of my theatre friends and how at that time I specifically defined myself as a "theatre person" ... In the next chapter, college, I lost confidence in that definition and attempted to expand my horizons a bit. I did anything and everything, got my first real job, made a whole new set of friends and completely lost contact with the vast majority of people I'd called my best friends just months prior. For me the next chapter would be Europe. Though it was only 4 months, the time I spent in Europe hugely altered my sense of self. Before that, I was VERY extroverted in terms of needing people around and pulling in energy from those around me. While there, I had to learn to rely solely on myself, and got to a place where I did not need anyone else to get that energy.
My next chapter was and is New York. And this is going to be a long one, because I will probably live here for many years, if not the rest of my life... and it will have tons of smaller chapters inside it.

But the theme of this chapter so far is uncertainty. I have given up a lot to have what I have now.. and at times I'm not sure if I've made the right decisions. There are times when I am so incredibly thankful for the life I have now and I just take a moment to think about what it took to get here and I get happy. But other times ... I just don't know. I know I love living here and I know that this is where I've always wanted to be and that is not going to change. But the more personal choices.. like not doing a great job of keeping in touch with old friends and not taking more chances and putting myself out there... am I doing life wrong?

This is a very confused post, but if you're still reading, well,... good luck to you.

Do other people feel this way? Like there's a chance things might be better if you'd made other choices?

Who knows.

I'll end this by saying- I really am happy most of the time. This is the exception.

Its just been one of those days.

dancing through the fire;

A lot has happened since last I wrote. After returning from NOLA, I was unemployed for like a month, my ceiling caved in, my ceiling got fixed, I went to Starquest finals in VA Beach, decided reluctantly to take a long term temp job, started the temp job, got offered a real full time job, took that, still am there and liking it(!), looked for an apartment, found an apartment and put down a deposit on the spot, got approved for it, signed a lease, and am MOVING TO BROOKLYN WITH MY BEST FRIEND at the end of the month.

Its going to be good. 

And the apartment is adorable and perfect and right across the street from a park with a POOL and a track where we can run. Its basically the ideal scenario.

Despite all this, I have been having major issues lately with liking myself. I have no idea where my self-confidence got off to but I'd really appreciate it if it'd get its ass back here.
It came back for a little while thanks to Jenn but keeps coming and going and being stupid and unpredictable. 

SO, for now, I'm going to make a list of things I like about myself because why the hell not. No one reads this blog anyway.

1. I like my sincerity.

2. I like how easy it is for me to unconditionally love people.

3. I like how prompt I am in uploading facebook photos. 

4. I like how entertained I am by silly reality shows like Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

5. I like that I can make myself laugh.

6. I like how I can complete tasks very quickly.

7. I like my ability to learn new things quickly. 

8. I like the fact that I have a thorough knowledge of the NYC subway map and Manhattan geography. 

9. I like my determination. 

10. I like how organized I can be.
11. I like that I am a quick thinker.
12. I like my generosity.

..meh is that enough? Let's go with yes.

I have discovered though, that as long as I am staying involved and doing different activities outside of work, then I will be a lot happier.

Best friend and I are running a 5k tomorrow, I'm volunteering at ACS's Pink & Black Tie Gala, hopefully going to the carnival thing in Central Park, going to see Pippin hopefully soon, and the whole getting ready to move thing is taking up a lot of my outside of work brain power.

Well that will be all for now I guess. 

let the good times roll;

So New Orleans was amazing.

The flights getting there were surprisingly smooth, and then we took the airport shuttle (driven by a SPLENDIDLY accented fellow) to our hotel, where we were checked in by a legit tranny. Or crossdresser. Someone who was clearly a man but wearing makeup and a wig. Troy.
The hotel was beautiful and the beds were comfy and it was great.

We hit the town and got food at the Palace Cafe on Canal St. where I ordered lobster cheesecake and Jenn had this crawfish thing that came with tomatoes and fresh mozarella and had this awesome sauce on it. We both also had beer and then were given complimentary bread pudding which was AMAZING.
Then we walked around the French Quarter, Bourbon St, Jackson Square... met some artists and watched some street performers, browsed some gift shops, and had beignets which were SO GOOD. Did a bit more exploring after that and met some delightful possibly gay dudes who said Jenn's skirt was "very rawr" (so yeah I guess they were definitely gay).
Needless to say, we slept very well that night after all that and the fact that we had left NYC at 4am... lol.

The next day was begun with brunch on a Bourbon Street balcony at Le Bayou. We had the fried alligator appetizer, and then both ordered salads for the main course. Again, super tasty. And I got this coffee/alcohol beverage which was DELISH.
Then we frolicked about.. walked all around the riverfront, looked at boats, did some souvenir shopping, took pictures in a photobooth, ate nachos, lots of frolicking. Oh yeah and we also went over to the Garden District and looked at pretty houses.
That night we went on a ghost tour which was fun but lots of straight up history and not enough GHOST stories for my taste. When I do those I want to be freaked out, not necessarily too informed. lol. But it was interesting and did have its spooky moments! After that we grabbed a late dinner where I had red beans and rice which was DELISH and Jenn got this seafood sampler thingy. And we also both got hurricanes, which is a famous NOLA cocktail. Also delicious. Oh yes and then we went to a bar and Jenn got a hand grenade (a famous, SUPER STRONG cocktail) and I got this one called the Tropical Itch. Good times.

Day 3. We woke up a bit earlier, grabbed breakfast at this place called The Ruby Slipper which was right by our hotel and so so tasty. I had the Florentine Omelet which had mushrooms, spinach, and fresh mozarella. Yum. :)
Then we were off- we went to the St. Louis Cemetery where we received a tour from a rogue cemetery employee who was absolutely not a licensed tour guide.. but he was hilarious and delightful. The gist of his message to us was, "NAWLINS is sinkin' erryday.. we still do burials here erryday, I'll prove it to ya. Let me show ya somethin'."
..So that was fun.
After that we went to the aquarium! I love aquariums so it was a delight. and we got there just in time to see the penguins get fed!
That night we had dinner at Desires Oyster Bar, where I had jambalaya which was delicious, and then we pa-roused Bourbon Street and ended up hanging out at Pat O'Briens courtyard bar for quite a while, just talking and having fun. It was a really great night, and Jenn introduced me to her AMAZING Irish accent. Just drinking hurricanes and bestest friend company! After that, we attempted to go ghost hunting. You see, one of the ghost tour stories featured a ghost named Eloise who hangs out in a schoolyard which used to be a graveyard. It is said that she died of yellow fever at 17 and was buried there.. we took like 50 pictures trying to catch a glimpse, but sadly got nothing.

The next day was plantation tour day! We rode about an hour outside of NOLA to this tiny town where we visited the Oak Alley and Laura plantations. Oak Alley was stunning.. Interview with the Vampire was filmed there! And Laura was really interesting and fun.. and also lovely in its own right!! So that was a fun and informative and very full day. We got back from all that at like 6pm, then found this awesome restaurant called the Gumbo House where I had.. guess what? Gumbo! It was delicious. After that we did some light bar browsing, and eventually ended up at Pat O'Briens again where I had a couple cocktails- the rainstorm and the rainbow! lol. The rainstorm thing was SO GOOD.

One last full day! We woke up pretty early, grabbed Ruby Slipper breakfast (I had Migas which was AMAZING), and took the streetcar out to City Park. We visited the sculpture garden, the great lawn, creeped on the botanical gardens and storyville, and then hit up the art museum! Lots of walking around but all delightful. After heading back into the French Quarter, we grabbed a beignet because I was starving, and then took the shuttle to Mardi Gras World which was SO COOL. We got to try on Mardi Gras outfits and see the warehouse where all the props for the floats are made. It was totally badass.
That night, we decided on dinner at the Royal House and oh my word. Best decision I have ever made, hands down. I got the shrimp creole and it was literally the best thing I have ever eaten. I cannot even explain how good it was. We of course had cocktails as well, and had Bananas Foster cheesecake for dessert. Major food coma.
Then Jenn decided to get a tarot reading which was really fun for me to watch because I've never seen one of those as it happens, so it was cool to like.. see the methodology behind it and such.
For our final night on Bourbon, we went to this other outdoor bar where live jazz was playing and had drinks and took pictures.. it was lovely. A great way to end the trip!!

So, all in all, NOLA was perfect.
And now I want more shrimp creole.

too sweet to last;

Well StarQuest regionals are over for the season and therefore I am A) unemployed and B) have time to blog again.
If you think I was wise and applied to jobs for the past couple months and got a job in preparation for this, well, you'd be wrong.
Yet again I find myself in this situation.
I am going to SQ finals for a week in July but uh.. I would really have like to have some sort of job between now and then. Preferably one that I can get soon that will allow me to have that week off that I can return to post-SQ-week.

I just really have no idea what the hell I want to do with my life. I've had several ideas of course, but I have yet to discover that one thing that makes me excited and also provides me with an income. I know that I would love that thing to have to do with theatre but the issue is getting theatre things to actually provide any sort of useful income. Meh.
Right now, I am just trying to apply to things as much as I can and not worry too much about like.. the future and shit.

In other news, Jenn and I are going to NEW ORLEANS on Saturday and it is going to be KICKASS and I am super stoked. It will be really great to get some time away from everyone (except of course my lovely bff) and be in a hotel and an airport merely for a  FUN purpose and not for work. I am so ready for a vacation. And a new facebook album for goodness sake.

Basically nothing else is happening though.. I am really trying to turn over a new leaf and exercise more and eat better and make the most of living in NYC though. There are a ton of things I want to do this summer, like Coney Island, see some shows, see a movie at Bryant Park, go to the Mermaid Parade, go to the Rain Room at the MoMA.. just things like that. I need to make the most of it.
I also really need to start eating healthier.. being on the road was not of assistance for that one bit. SO yeah that might happen. AND I also need to start running more often because Jenn and I are doing the Color Run in September! Huzzah.

But now that's really all.
Its 2am.
Goodnight Catherine, and whoever else might be reading this. :)

you make me wanna roll my windows down;

Hey there internet.

I've been taking a break from this blogging thing mostly A) because I am on the road all the time and B) basically nothing has been happening.
My entire life right now is my job pretty much, which is not that bad except for the level of exhaustion it creates is pretty high. I like the job a LOT though, for real. Its super cool, and I really like having responsibilities that are uniquely mine. It makes it fun for me, because its this little "department" (which consists of me and 6 computers and 3 judges) that I get to manage. So its cool.
But I have this weekend off which I am STOKED about. Its so nice to have a break from the incessant traveling and get some time to just live.
Not that I am doing much living.
GUH.
Frustrate.

I am in one of those moods where I want to put on some jean shorts and frolic through the city eating froyo and taking pictures with friends and lay in the grass at sunset and swing on some swings and just do silly fun shit for no reason. Just because I can. Just because I am free and I want to feel free. Unfortunately, no one seems to want to do these things with me and its kind of boring alone. lol. ALSO the weather is still annoyingly cold which is quite a bother. I am just aching for spring, honestly. Spring and summer and beaches and sunshine. And Hoboken.. I cannot wait to go to Hoboken when its pretty out and get a cupcake from Carlo's and sit in the grass by the Hudson and watch the sunset over Manhattan. I could literally sit there for hours.

It really doesn't take much to entertain me.

Anyway.

I have been in a weird mood lately. Like, I am kind of unsure of myself I think. I am getting to the point where I am both happy and sad with what my life is right now. I could not be more thrilled and grateful for the people I have in my life, yet I find myself browsing facebook and looking at people who I don't talk to anymore or people who I wish I talked to and getting nostalgic about things just all these random feels.
I have taken a lot of risks to get here and sometimes I worry that I've taken then in vain and that this will all fall apart.
But I guess that's just how life is.

PS I am obsessed with a country song called Cruise by Florida Georgia Line and I cannot stop listening to it tell no one. .. Its just so good.

i will wait for you;

I have gotten really bad at updating this thing.

I have a job now- which I have had for like three weeks- with a national dance competition as a judges' manager/auditor. It is a pretty nice job, though hectic and exhausting. I like the fact that it is actually doing something for my resume- I am learning tour life and I am working in the arts industry. And they treat us very nicely- we go to a different city every weekend and they pay for our travel, hotel, food.. we are all set. My coworkers are all super nice and friendly, and most importantly, I feel at ease around them. I do take a while to warm up to people, so I am not fully Kelley spaz-tastic as I am with my close friends in real life, but I am cool with them and I like them all as individuals and as coworkers. I do not like that I have to be away from Jenn and NYC so much though. I miss being home and having my own space and having someone who I can cuddle with and divulge everything to and be 100% myself around. Anyway. That's my job.
Its pretty cool overall, and I am happy that I have a job, and its my favorite job I've ever had I think.. wow. I just realized that. So that's pretty awesome!! :)

That's really all that's happening with me though. I was in Nashville last week, Detroit this week, Woodbridge next week and then Andover the following.. then who knows. For the next 4 months this will be my life!

PS Why the hell is Detroit in eastern time?

And another PS WHY am I so exhausted at 7:30pm??

set me free, leave me be;

• 1) Sexuality?
  straight
• 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
  Mariska Hargitay
• 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
  ..wet flesh between her legs, he shuddered, thrusting himself.. (yayy paranormal romance! lol)
• 4) What do you think about most?
  other people and how I relate to them
• 5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
  "Of course ahh :) Over now 60 Min on" my mother talking about television.
• 6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
  with
• 7) What's your strangest talent?
  my ability to pick up an item of clothing and judge whether or not it will fit someone
• 8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence)
  are cool
  are cool
• 9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
  nope
• 10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
  like.. one million years ago
• 11) Do you have any strange phobias?
  mild phobia of hair removal creams
• 12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
  no
• 13) What's your religion?
  Christian in the loosest sense of the term
• 14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
  walking somewhere
• 15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
  depends on the scenario.. if I'm with friends- in front of, because I always hate being the one left out of pictures
• 16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
  Florence & the Machine
• 17) What was the last lie you told?
  I'm fine
• 18) Do you believe in karma?
  not really
• 19) What does your URL mean?
  its from an entry on iwrotethisforyou
• 20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
  my feelings of inadequacy and lack of trust in others; my ability to see the best in people and support them
• 21) Who is your celebrity crush?
  Ryan fucking Gosling
• 22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
  yeah kind of but not in a public place
• 23) How do you vent your anger?
  write in this blog and don't post it or talk to my mom.. really trying to work on being better at sharing feelings with my bff.. 
• 24) Do you have a collection of anything?
  no
• 25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
  phone.. I HATE video chatting
• 26) Are you happy with the person you've become?
  yes for the most part
• 27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
  static on a tv; melodic music
• 28) What's your biggest "what if"?
  What if I had chosen a different path? 
• 29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
  sort of; not really 
• 30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
  bed/pillows; night table/book/ipod
• 31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
  apartment
• 32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
  Newark
• 33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?
  east
• 34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
  Aaron Tveit 
• 35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
  to love and grow with others
• 36) Define Art.
  any creation made for the purpose of aesthetics that does not serve any practical purpose other than to be beautiful and/or entertain and/or provoke thought
• 37) Do you believe in luck?
  no
• 38) What's the weather like right now?
  cold probably
• 39) What time is it?
  1:11am
• 40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
  yes; no
• 41) What was the last book you read?
  Jane Eyre Laid Bare by Eve Sinclair
• 42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
  no
• 43) Do you have any nicknames?
  not really
• 44) What was the last movie you saw?
  Les Mis
• 45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
  nothing too bad.. that time I almost cut my finger off at Panera was pretty terrifying though
• 46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
  I've had them land on me
• 47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
  pretty into Cougar Town.. its the thing I've been marathoning lately
• 48) What's your sexual orientation?
  straight.. this was question 1
• 49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
  yes
• 50) Do you believe in magic?
  kind of maybe it depends how you define it
• 51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
  no
• 52) What is your astrological sign?
  libra
• 53) Do you save money or spend it?
  save
• 54) What's the last thing you purchased?
  an area rug for my room
• 55) Love or lust?
  love
• 56) In a relationship?
  no
• 57) How many relationships have you had?
  less than one
• 58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
  not quite
• 59) Where were you yesterday?
  Harlem, Financial District, Red Hook, then back to Harlem
• 60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
  my sheets are pink
• 61) Are you wearing socks right now?
  no
• 62) What's your favorite animal?
  elephant
• 63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
  I am just nice I guess
• 64) Where is your best friend?
  in the next room
• 65) Spit or swallow?(;
  sweet Lord
• 66) What is your heritage?
  English, German, Irish, Scottish
• 67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
  probably sitting here
• 68) What do you think is Satan's last name?
  I don't think he needs one
• 69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
  I mean... take a guess seriously
• 70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
  yes
• 71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
  save the damn dog
• 72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
  I would be terrified, but I would quit my job immediately and spend all my money on seeing as much of the world as I can with my best friend. I would tell my close friends and my parents.
• 73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.
  love- trust would fall under the umbrella of love anyway
• 74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
  Dance in the Graveyards- Delta Rae
• 75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
  4563
• 76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
  love and trust and respect
• 77) How can I win your heart?
  just love me
• 78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
  possibly
• 79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
  to move to NYC when I did
• 80) What size shoes do you wear?
  8
• 81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
  I don't want to be buried so nothing
• 82) What is your favorite word?
  serendipity, rhapsody, delicious, eccentricity.. any word that sounds pretty. lol.
• 83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.
  soul
• 84) What is a saying you say a lot?
  shit son; balls of shit; oh my god; hola hotcakes; gracias hotcakes
• 85) What's the last song you listened to?
  the Cougar Town theme song
• 86) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?
  purple is my favorite but I like them all
• 87) What is your current desktop picture?
  this computer won't let me change the desktop.. its lame
• 88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
  I have no idea.. I wouldn't press that button
• 89) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?
  it depends who would be asking this question. I am pretty open though so usually when people ask I answer as honestly as possible
• 90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
  try to creep out of the room and run into Jenn's room and freak out
• 91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
  teleportation
• 92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
  the first time I met Jenn or the most recent time I saw Stacy London
• 93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
  nothing. all that shit made me who I am
• 94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
  no idea.. let me get back to you on that
• 95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
  Italy
• 96) Do you have any relatives in jail?
  not at present .. haha
• 97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?
  no
• 98) Ever been on a plane?
  of course
• 99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
  Just love each other.

another show;

Why hello there. I haven't blogged in quite some time.

I am no longer unemployed, but I am SO not happy about my job. I have to go on this tour and get paid barely enough to maybe survive and still pay rent and utilities here and be here like 30% of the time and GUHHHHH I JUST DO NOT WANT TO DO IT. I like to travel, but I hate living out of a suitcase for any length of time and this is happening at the worst possible time because I have just started nesting in NYC.. Finally bought a couch for my apartment YESTERDAY. Just stuff like that which suck for the fact that I will not really be here at all for the next 4 months.

I just honestly really really really hope it goes by quickly because I am dreading this.

I am probably over-dramatizing, but I am just overwhelmed and scared and blah.
Annoyed with the timing of all this.

cashing in my bad luck;

• 1. Quick! You are singing Carnegie Hall in a week and you need a 15-song set list. What in hell do you sing?!
  
  In no particular order: Orange Colored Sky, The Beauty Is (Light in the Piazza), Back to Before (Ragtime), If My Friends Could See Me Now (Sweet Charity), Till there was You (The Music Man), Ave Maria, Some Nights (Fun.. though I would do a version that was more acoustic/ballad-y), Take It All (Adele), Taylor the Latte Boy (Kristin Chenoweth), Speechless (Lady Gaga), Your Song (as covered by Ellie Goulding), Fairytale (Sara Bareilles), Somewhere Over the Rainbow/Wonderful World (compete with the ukulele), Turn to Stone (Ingrid Michaelson), Misery Business (Paramore). 
• 2. You're 104 years old and close to death. You want to write an autobiography. What do you call it? Is there one volume or are you really convinced that people care enough to read multiple volumes? What are you going to call the other volumes?
  
  Definitely just the one volume. It would be a collection of short stories and anecdotes from my life. No idea what I would call it.. 
• 3. Ryan Gosling calls you on your birthday and says, "Hey, girl, I got you some concert tickets." After you finish freaking out about Ryan Gosling calling you and finish fantasizing about having his children or doing other unspeakable things to him (you vile person), what artist/band do you hope he's got tickets for?
  
  Florence & the Machine.
• 4. What artist/band would you be disappointed if he had tickets for, you ungrateful little shit?
  
  Justin Bieber. 
• 5. I come up to you with two boxes labeled #1 and #2. I tell you that Box #1 contains a million dollars (and I even show you!) and Box #2 contains five dollars. There's a catch, though. If you choose Box #1, someone close to you will become very sick with the absolute WORST pain every day for ten years straight, and if you choose Box #2, someone you really, really, really, really, really dislike will be given a million dollars instead. Which box do you choose?
  
  I would just fucking walk away because I would be pissed about either scenario.
• 6. If you found a four dollar bill on the ground, other than being really confused because there's no such thing as a four dollar bill, what would you buy with it? Assuming it is the only money you have and also assuming it's legit. If you actually did find one, the cashier wherever you decided to go would just look at you funny when you tried to use it.
  
  Food I guess. Maybe something off the dollar menu at McDonalds or something. Can't afford much with that budget.
• 7. A crazy anti-candy radical destroys all the candy factories in the world EXCEPT one. Which candy do you hope has been spared?
  
  Probably Milky Way. 
• 8. Your best friend tells you they've gone behind your back and painted your room your favorite color. After you call the police on said friend and delete their number from your phone, what color do you expect to find when you open your bedroom door?
  
  Purple I guess. That is my favorite color.
• 9. You die tomorrow and after you've been buried or turned into ash, someone somewhere goes out of their way to shit on your place of rest because they dislike you that much. Who was it?
  
  I would hope no one. ..
• 10. Who is your favorite actress? Choose wisely.
  
  Mariska Hargitay and Jennifer Aniston. 

• A. If you could get away with one murder in your lifetime without any legal, social, or emotional repercussions, would you kill someone?
  
  Not unless there were an imminent threat to myself or someone I love. 
• B. What is your first thought when you receive a message on Tumblr, are you excited for the idea of someone from potentially the other side of the world wanting to talk to you or fearful that someone will criticize you?
  
  Intrigued more so. Just like "ooh wonder what that is."
• C. Have you ever looked down on someone because you thought your religious views were superior?
  
  I may have in middle/high school. I have changed a lot since then.
• D. Would you rather know everything the universe has to offer but in exchange lose all emotions or remain the way you are now?
  
  Remain as I am.
• E. If you could live and be healthy without sleeping or eating/drinking, which would you cut out of your life?
  
  Eating/drinking. As much as I love it, think of the money I'd save. Also what the hell would I do with my time if I NEVER slept. I would get way too bored.
• F. If you could take on the exact body and form of anyone else on Earth, who would it be?
  
  uhh.. This is really hard. I would want it to be someone my age or a bit younger, my height or a bit shorter, and at least MILDLY curvy.. I would not want to be super skinny.. And a good face and hair are very important as well. Hmmm.. Maybe like.. Zooey Deschanel at age 23. Is that a choice? I dunno. 
• G. Would you rather burn or freeze to death?
  
  Freeze because it goes numb eventually. 
• H. If it meant it would solve all world hunger, war, disease and bigotry, would you spend the rest of eternity in Hell?
  
  Oh sweet Lord. Having been raised in Christian school, I have this horrific image of what hell might be.. and I do not think I could do it. I wish I could say yes to this.
• I. Was the first crush in your life something you had or something someone had on you?
  
  Something I had I think.
• J. Could you live without having sex ever (again) in exchange for eternal youth?
  
  Nah. I wouldn't want to be young forever and watch everyone I love grow old.
• K. Have you ever watched a full length pornographic movie?
  
  Nope.
• L. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?
  
  Beatles.
• M. If you could have the ability to manipulate matter or energy, which would you choose?
  
  Energy.
• N. What was the worst nightmare you ever had?
  
  I have had lots of dreams where some sort of rapist or murderer is chasing me and I am unable to move to get away. Those are pretty scary.
• O. Would you rather spend one year with your one true love just to never see them again or the rest of your life with second best?
  
  Tell me who those people are and then I'll decide.
• P. All the sequels/remakes/adaptations/rip-offs in movies nowadays, good or bad?
  
  Some good, some bad, but that's just how all things are. 
• Q. Would you rather be dirt poor and emotionally fulfilled in life or be rich beyond imagination and emotionally dissatisfied for life?
  
  Define "dirt" poor.. and define "emotionally dissatisfied" .... Really though.. everyone is emotionally dissatisfied on some level so, maybe I'll go with that. I mean really. Its life.
• R. Do you have any (secret) feelings of bigotry to any group of people?
  
  No.
• S. Would you rather be the only person in the world that can read minds or have everyone else in the world be able to read minds except for your own?
  
  I would rather be the only one who can read minds because I trust myself with knowing people's deepest secrets and I would never do anything to harm anyone based on a feeling or thought they had. If everyone could read minds, it would be mass chaos.
• T. If everyone in the world would automatically only know one language, which language would you choose?
  
  Hmm. Something pretty like Italian or French perhaps.
• U. If you were old enough and not in a situation where it would be inappropriate, would you sleep with one of your (past) school teachers/professors?
  
  No thanks.
• V. A world without religion, good, bad, neutral?
  
  Depends how you define religion. I think a world without faith and spirituality and belief in something greater would be pretty depressing. 
• W. The men's rights movement, legitimate cause or laughable, and why?
  
  Wait what is that even a thing.
• X. You can eliminate one of your five senses to substantially strengthen the others, which one and would you do it?
  
  Probably taste because A) it has nothing to do with interacting with others, just would cause me to lose some pleasure and B) its the only one that would not dictate my need for help in getting places or being safe
• Y. Do looks mean anything to you? Don't lie, could you fall in love with someone you thought was ugly?
  
  Physical attraction is very important in a romantic relationship. If you love someone though, you see the beauty in them, and its a heightened beauty. But you have to be able to initially look at that person and feel like you could get along with them based on how they present themselves. That's the catalyst. So basically no. No one loves anyone and thinks they are ugly. That's not love.
• Z. Can you understand the mindset and logic used by the opposite spiritual opinion? An atheist understanding the belief in a higher power and vice versa.
  
  Yeah definitely. And I respect it.