set me free, leave me be;

• 1) Sexuality?
  straight
• 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
  Mariska Hargitay
• 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
  ..wet flesh between her legs, he shuddered, thrusting himself.. (yayy paranormal romance! lol)
• 4) What do you think about most?
  other people and how I relate to them
• 5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
  "Of course ahh :) Over now 60 Min on" my mother talking about television.
• 6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
  with
• 7) What's your strangest talent?
  my ability to pick up an item of clothing and judge whether or not it will fit someone
• 8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence)
  are cool
  are cool
• 9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
  nope
• 10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
  like.. one million years ago
• 11) Do you have any strange phobias?
  mild phobia of hair removal creams
• 12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
  no
• 13) What's your religion?
  Christian in the loosest sense of the term
• 14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
  walking somewhere
• 15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
  depends on the scenario.. if I'm with friends- in front of, because I always hate being the one left out of pictures
• 16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
  Florence & the Machine
• 17) What was the last lie you told?
  I'm fine
• 18) Do you believe in karma?
  not really
• 19) What does your URL mean?
  its from an entry on iwrotethisforyou
• 20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
  my feelings of inadequacy and lack of trust in others; my ability to see the best in people and support them
• 21) Who is your celebrity crush?
  Ryan fucking Gosling
• 22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
  yeah kind of but not in a public place
• 23) How do you vent your anger?
  write in this blog and don't post it or talk to my mom.. really trying to work on being better at sharing feelings with my bff.. 
• 24) Do you have a collection of anything?
  no
• 25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
  phone.. I HATE video chatting
• 26) Are you happy with the person you've become?
  yes for the most part
• 27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
  static on a tv; melodic music
• 28) What's your biggest "what if"?
  What if I had chosen a different path? 
• 29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
  sort of; not really 
• 30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
  bed/pillows; night table/book/ipod
• 31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
  apartment
• 32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
  Newark
• 33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?
  east
• 34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
  Aaron Tveit 
• 35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
  to love and grow with others
• 36) Define Art.
  any creation made for the purpose of aesthetics that does not serve any practical purpose other than to be beautiful and/or entertain and/or provoke thought
• 37) Do you believe in luck?
  no
• 38) What's the weather like right now?
  cold probably
• 39) What time is it?
  1:11am
• 40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
  yes; no
• 41) What was the last book you read?
  Jane Eyre Laid Bare by Eve Sinclair
• 42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
  no
• 43) Do you have any nicknames?
  not really
• 44) What was the last movie you saw?
  Les Mis
• 45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
  nothing too bad.. that time I almost cut my finger off at Panera was pretty terrifying though
• 46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
  I've had them land on me
• 47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
  pretty into Cougar Town.. its the thing I've been marathoning lately
• 48) What's your sexual orientation?
  straight.. this was question 1
• 49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
  yes
• 50) Do you believe in magic?
  kind of maybe it depends how you define it
• 51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
  no
• 52) What is your astrological sign?
  libra
• 53) Do you save money or spend it?
  save
• 54) What's the last thing you purchased?
  an area rug for my room
• 55) Love or lust?
  love
• 56) In a relationship?
  no
• 57) How many relationships have you had?
  less than one
• 58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
  not quite
• 59) Where were you yesterday?
  Harlem, Financial District, Red Hook, then back to Harlem
• 60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
  my sheets are pink
• 61) Are you wearing socks right now?
  no
• 62) What's your favorite animal?
  elephant
• 63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
  I am just nice I guess
• 64) Where is your best friend?
  in the next room
• 65) Spit or swallow?(;
  sweet Lord
• 66) What is your heritage?
  English, German, Irish, Scottish
• 67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
  probably sitting here
• 68) What do you think is Satan's last name?
  I don't think he needs one
• 69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
  I mean... take a guess seriously
• 70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
  yes
• 71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
  save the damn dog
• 72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
  I would be terrified, but I would quit my job immediately and spend all my money on seeing as much of the world as I can with my best friend. I would tell my close friends and my parents.
• 73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.
  love- trust would fall under the umbrella of love anyway
• 74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
  Dance in the Graveyards- Delta Rae
• 75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
  4563
• 76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
  love and trust and respect
• 77) How can I win your heart?
  just love me
• 78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
  possibly
• 79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
  to move to NYC when I did
• 80) What size shoes do you wear?
  8
• 81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
  I don't want to be buried so nothing
• 82) What is your favorite word?
  serendipity, rhapsody, delicious, eccentricity.. any word that sounds pretty. lol.
• 83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.
  soul
• 84) What is a saying you say a lot?
  shit son; balls of shit; oh my god; hola hotcakes; gracias hotcakes
• 85) What's the last song you listened to?
  the Cougar Town theme song
• 86) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?
  purple is my favorite but I like them all
• 87) What is your current desktop picture?
  this computer won't let me change the desktop.. its lame
• 88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
  I have no idea.. I wouldn't press that button
• 89) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?
  it depends who would be asking this question. I am pretty open though so usually when people ask I answer as honestly as possible
• 90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
  try to creep out of the room and run into Jenn's room and freak out
• 91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
  teleportation
• 92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
  the first time I met Jenn or the most recent time I saw Stacy London
• 93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
  nothing. all that shit made me who I am
• 94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
  no idea.. let me get back to you on that
• 95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
  Italy
• 96) Do you have any relatives in jail?
  not at present .. haha
• 97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?
  no
• 98) Ever been on a plane?
  of course
• 99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
  Just love each other.

another show;

Why hello there. I haven't blogged in quite some time.

I am no longer unemployed, but I am SO not happy about my job. I have to go on this tour and get paid barely enough to maybe survive and still pay rent and utilities here and be here like 30% of the time and GUHHHHH I JUST DO NOT WANT TO DO IT. I like to travel, but I hate living out of a suitcase for any length of time and this is happening at the worst possible time because I have just started nesting in NYC.. Finally bought a couch for my apartment YESTERDAY. Just stuff like that which suck for the fact that I will not really be here at all for the next 4 months.

I just honestly really really really hope it goes by quickly because I am dreading this.

I am probably over-dramatizing, but I am just overwhelmed and scared and blah.
Annoyed with the timing of all this.

cashing in my bad luck;

• 1. Quick! You are singing Carnegie Hall in a week and you need a 15-song set list. What in hell do you sing?!
  
  In no particular order: Orange Colored Sky, The Beauty Is (Light in the Piazza), Back to Before (Ragtime), If My Friends Could See Me Now (Sweet Charity), Till there was You (The Music Man), Ave Maria, Some Nights (Fun.. though I would do a version that was more acoustic/ballad-y), Take It All (Adele), Taylor the Latte Boy (Kristin Chenoweth), Speechless (Lady Gaga), Your Song (as covered by Ellie Goulding), Fairytale (Sara Bareilles), Somewhere Over the Rainbow/Wonderful World (compete with the ukulele), Turn to Stone (Ingrid Michaelson), Misery Business (Paramore). 
• 2. You're 104 years old and close to death. You want to write an autobiography. What do you call it? Is there one volume or are you really convinced that people care enough to read multiple volumes? What are you going to call the other volumes?
  
  Definitely just the one volume. It would be a collection of short stories and anecdotes from my life. No idea what I would call it.. 
• 3. Ryan Gosling calls you on your birthday and says, "Hey, girl, I got you some concert tickets." After you finish freaking out about Ryan Gosling calling you and finish fantasizing about having his children or doing other unspeakable things to him (you vile person), what artist/band do you hope he's got tickets for?
  
  Florence & the Machine.
• 4. What artist/band would you be disappointed if he had tickets for, you ungrateful little shit?
  
  Justin Bieber. 
• 5. I come up to you with two boxes labeled #1 and #2. I tell you that Box #1 contains a million dollars (and I even show you!) and Box #2 contains five dollars. There's a catch, though. If you choose Box #1, someone close to you will become very sick with the absolute WORST pain every day for ten years straight, and if you choose Box #2, someone you really, really, really, really, really dislike will be given a million dollars instead. Which box do you choose?
  
  I would just fucking walk away because I would be pissed about either scenario.
• 6. If you found a four dollar bill on the ground, other than being really confused because there's no such thing as a four dollar bill, what would you buy with it? Assuming it is the only money you have and also assuming it's legit. If you actually did find one, the cashier wherever you decided to go would just look at you funny when you tried to use it.
  
  Food I guess. Maybe something off the dollar menu at McDonalds or something. Can't afford much with that budget.
• 7. A crazy anti-candy radical destroys all the candy factories in the world EXCEPT one. Which candy do you hope has been spared?
  
  Probably Milky Way. 
• 8. Your best friend tells you they've gone behind your back and painted your room your favorite color. After you call the police on said friend and delete their number from your phone, what color do you expect to find when you open your bedroom door?
  
  Purple I guess. That is my favorite color.
• 9. You die tomorrow and after you've been buried or turned into ash, someone somewhere goes out of their way to shit on your place of rest because they dislike you that much. Who was it?
  
  I would hope no one. ..
• 10. Who is your favorite actress? Choose wisely.
  
  Mariska Hargitay and Jennifer Aniston. 

• A. If you could get away with one murder in your lifetime without any legal, social, or emotional repercussions, would you kill someone?
  
  Not unless there were an imminent threat to myself or someone I love. 
• B. What is your first thought when you receive a message on Tumblr, are you excited for the idea of someone from potentially the other side of the world wanting to talk to you or fearful that someone will criticize you?
  
  Intrigued more so. Just like "ooh wonder what that is."
• C. Have you ever looked down on someone because you thought your religious views were superior?
  
  I may have in middle/high school. I have changed a lot since then.
• D. Would you rather know everything the universe has to offer but in exchange lose all emotions or remain the way you are now?
  
  Remain as I am.
• E. If you could live and be healthy without sleeping or eating/drinking, which would you cut out of your life?
  
  Eating/drinking. As much as I love it, think of the money I'd save. Also what the hell would I do with my time if I NEVER slept. I would get way too bored.
• F. If you could take on the exact body and form of anyone else on Earth, who would it be?
  
  uhh.. This is really hard. I would want it to be someone my age or a bit younger, my height or a bit shorter, and at least MILDLY curvy.. I would not want to be super skinny.. And a good face and hair are very important as well. Hmmm.. Maybe like.. Zooey Deschanel at age 23. Is that a choice? I dunno. 
• G. Would you rather burn or freeze to death?
  
  Freeze because it goes numb eventually. 
• H. If it meant it would solve all world hunger, war, disease and bigotry, would you spend the rest of eternity in Hell?
  
  Oh sweet Lord. Having been raised in Christian school, I have this horrific image of what hell might be.. and I do not think I could do it. I wish I could say yes to this.
• I. Was the first crush in your life something you had or something someone had on you?
  
  Something I had I think.
• J. Could you live without having sex ever (again) in exchange for eternal youth?
  
  Nah. I wouldn't want to be young forever and watch everyone I love grow old.
• K. Have you ever watched a full length pornographic movie?
  
  Nope.
• L. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?
  
  Beatles.
• M. If you could have the ability to manipulate matter or energy, which would you choose?
  
  Energy.
• N. What was the worst nightmare you ever had?
  
  I have had lots of dreams where some sort of rapist or murderer is chasing me and I am unable to move to get away. Those are pretty scary.
• O. Would you rather spend one year with your one true love just to never see them again or the rest of your life with second best?
  
  Tell me who those people are and then I'll decide.
• P. All the sequels/remakes/adaptations/rip-offs in movies nowadays, good or bad?
  
  Some good, some bad, but that's just how all things are. 
• Q. Would you rather be dirt poor and emotionally fulfilled in life or be rich beyond imagination and emotionally dissatisfied for life?
  
  Define "dirt" poor.. and define "emotionally dissatisfied" .... Really though.. everyone is emotionally dissatisfied on some level so, maybe I'll go with that. I mean really. Its life.
• R. Do you have any (secret) feelings of bigotry to any group of people?
  
  No.
• S. Would you rather be the only person in the world that can read minds or have everyone else in the world be able to read minds except for your own?
  
  I would rather be the only one who can read minds because I trust myself with knowing people's deepest secrets and I would never do anything to harm anyone based on a feeling or thought they had. If everyone could read minds, it would be mass chaos.
• T. If everyone in the world would automatically only know one language, which language would you choose?
  
  Hmm. Something pretty like Italian or French perhaps.
• U. If you were old enough and not in a situation where it would be inappropriate, would you sleep with one of your (past) school teachers/professors?
  
  No thanks.
• V. A world without religion, good, bad, neutral?
  
  Depends how you define religion. I think a world without faith and spirituality and belief in something greater would be pretty depressing. 
• W. The men's rights movement, legitimate cause or laughable, and why?
  
  Wait what is that even a thing.
• X. You can eliminate one of your five senses to substantially strengthen the others, which one and would you do it?
  
  Probably taste because A) it has nothing to do with interacting with others, just would cause me to lose some pleasure and B) its the only one that would not dictate my need for help in getting places or being safe
• Y. Do looks mean anything to you? Don't lie, could you fall in love with someone you thought was ugly?
  
  Physical attraction is very important in a romantic relationship. If you love someone though, you see the beauty in them, and its a heightened beauty. But you have to be able to initially look at that person and feel like you could get along with them based on how they present themselves. That's the catalyst. So basically no. No one loves anyone and thinks they are ugly. That's not love.
• Z. Can you understand the mindset and logic used by the opposite spiritual opinion? An atheist understanding the belief in a higher power and vice versa.
  
  Yeah definitely. And I respect it. 

light up my world;

1. Was 2012 a good year for you, or a bad year? Elaborate!
Amazing. I met my best friend, made a life in NYC (hot mess though it is), and traveled in 5 different European countries. May be the best year of my life thus far. .. Though I'm hoping 2013 can top it. 

2. What changed you the most as a person throughout the year?
Well, throughout late summer/fall 2011, I was pretty lonely/depressed most of the time. Then being in Europe through April 2012 made me more confident and independent, but also didn't give me much opportunity to be around people for any extended period of time.
SO BASICALLY, what I am getting at is that after moving here and being lonely and depressed in the summer, Jenn happened, and because of her I have grown a lot and learned how to be a best friend again. Its because of her that I have regained my belief  in how incredible and sincere people can be.
So yes, Jenn. She's the answer to this question.

3. What people most heavily influenced your life during 2012?
JENN. That's really all.

4. What has been your favorite season of the year & why?
Probably fall. That was post-lease signing and I was employed for all that time in a job that actually looks good on my resume.

5. A photo that shows a memorable part of your favorite season in 2012.

6. Is there anything unexpected to have come out of 2012?
I never expected to work in the jobs I did this year, never expected to find such a freaking incredible bff.. lots of what's happened this year has been unexpected, and that's a big part of why its been so kickass.

7. List any plans and resolutions you have for 2013!
Plans: work my ass off to become employed, New Orleans, bringing Jenn to NC for 4th of July, moving to a (hopefully) better apartment in the fall. All for now I guess.

Annnd now the resolutions!!

1. Do more things just because I can and because it would make me happy. Be free and enjoy.

2. Stop doubting people who I know love me. Feel more secure in my good friendships and stop worrying that I am not good enough or that any tiny mistake I make will end a friendship  or make me unworthy of that person. Because real friendships don't just end out of the blue like that.

3. Stop worrying about what other people will think of the decisions I make.

4. Continue to read often.

5. Take some more time to be creative in some way. Be it writing, ukulele, art.. anything.

6. Don't feel tied down. If I want to do something, do it. Don't feel like I need to have anyone else's approval or accompaniment.

7. Work on getting better at sharing my stories or feelings with others. And by others I mean Jenn. I need to learn how to elaborate on things and know that there are people who care enough to listen.

8. Get a full time job (like legit full time with benefits and stuff).

9. Don't get depressed if I cannot fulfill #8. As long as I do my best to get there, know that is enough.

10. Whenever I have really negative thoughts, get out of my own head. Think of something positive, or talk to someone. Break the cycle of negativity and the feelings of failure and worthlessness.