cause you're everywhere to me;

So a hurricane happened.

Basically all I have done for the past 3 days is sit around on the internet, eat, and talk about how bored I am.
Tomorrow will probably be the exact same because the subways are all closed and so my office is closed.

BLARGH.

I am very grateful that I live uptown on this massive hill so no flooding was able to to me..  ALSO its kickass that we never lost power. Holler.

Anyway. I just wanted to make this general announcement.
Listening to the dance mix of I will Come to You by Hanson.. lol. Loving it.

Happy post-hurricane and pre-halloween day, all!

my heart is a thousand years old;

WELL I AM ON A BUS. This hasn't happened in a while. Jenn and I decided randomly to galavant off to Philly for 1 night, which was last night, and now we are on our way back to NYC just in time for this supposed hurricane. lol.

Its been a lovely journey. Just what I needed really. I have just been so consumed with WORK and stuff.. and this was the exact mini-escape I needed with the exact perfect person to be there with me. I am already feeling more refreshed and ready to tackle this life shit that is happening.

This week I need to really hit the job applications hardcore and start figuring out what the fuck to do with myself.. LAWD.

I really love having a good support system though. Having friends has done WONDERS for me.. I feel so much happier, more secure, everything is just on a higher plane. And thankfully I have been spending a lot less money because its enough to just sit and talk with someone (like you, Jenn) and I don't really have to go and find an *~activity~* because to be perfectly honest the most memorable and important times to me are the ones where I can bond with someone I really adore.

On a similar note, I feel like I am finally growing into my personality.

But let's back up and explain.

I have always been an incredibly complimentary person, with incredible amounts of love to dish out... which to be quite frank is overwhelming to a lot of people. They're like gahhh what the hell is this person and why is she so overwhelming. I've been through a lot of bullshit with bullshitty people.. but I have finally gotten to a place where I am so happy with who I am and comfortable with myself that I don't need any specific validation back.

It is actually more fulfilling for me to be there for someone else than it is to have someone be there for me.

Now, I'm not saying I don't need to vent or talk out my life issues with people, I do.. but I have never been very good at talking about the really serious things, and I can count on less than three fingers the amount of people who know ALL the things that I don't typically share with people. But most of those things.. all of them actually.. are so long gone that I am over them. I think so anyway. And that doesn't mean they don't still haunt me.. I think they always will. But I think that's normal.

ANYWAY. What I am getting at here is- I think I am finally at a place where I am a steel magnolia, if you're catching what I'm throwing. Like, I am not afraid to share my vulnerable side (with the right people) but I am also very strong and I feel like I can handle a lot of things that in the past would have torn me apart. I have a thick skin too, so I don't get offended when people are less receptive to my .. oddities.

It means a lot to me to be able to be there for people, to be that safe person. It makes me feel validated that they trust me that much. It makes me feel validated if I can help comfort someone or just be there for them when they let out these things.

Having people's company has always been my favorite thing. It is always a pleasure.

I am basically really just enjoying life right now.

I have always been able to look back and be like.. yes, things do happen for a reason. No matter what changes, I still believe that there is a God and that he is looking out for me and leading me where I need to go. I don't believe in coincidences generally.

I was not ready to move to NYC in January. But I was ready for an adventure, and that's where Europe came in. Even though it was a HUGE struggle that my Italian host family fell through, I see now that that happened so that I could have the opportunity to go to Poland. And that caused the whole thing to be only about 4 months total, putting me all alone when it was time for me to look for jobs and move to NYC. Then I was going to live with Heather & Tyler. That was the plan... but then it fell through. At the time, I was freaking the hell out but now I am SO glad that happened. It gave me the opportunity to live in Brooklyn which was PERFECT.. and then I was almost homeless.. but then I found that 3 month sublet which I did not enjoy very much at all... but that timing was perfect to meet Jenn and live with her and now life is FUCKING LOVELY. Boo yah.


Now I just have to find another job. BLARGH.

In other news, I AM SO STOKED TO SPEND THE HOLIDAYS IN NYC. STOKED AS A MOFO. Its going to be SO PRETTY. :)

I am just in a good place right now, in all ways. Even though I am on a bus.

Personality-wise, I feel like I am exactly who I should be, and that is a really good feeling. I should probably work on being a wee bit more open though. Meh.

That'll be all for now folks. Happy weekend.

gonna take a lot to drag me away from you;

My current job is temporary, and has been the most insane ride I have theoretically been on since my good old theatre days at CFRT.

My coworkers are hilarious though.. I work in a room of the most ridiculous crowd of people ever. They are all obsessed with snacking and celebrating birthdays, and they all have VERY strong opinions.   I am super amused by all these people, and really enjoy observing their antics. Its also fun because I am about 20 years younger than all but 1 of them, who is in her early 30s I would say.

Its been a fun ride, but more than anything it has me wondering what the actual fuck I am going to do when this is over.

Like.. GUH. Just guh. I have been dealing with job application stuff since March... NON-STOP. And I finally had about a month away from it while I've been doing this job and now having to pick it back up is proving to be a real challenge.

We shall see how it goes, but first- I am going to Philly tomorrow. (Just for one night though. Me & Jenn.)
I am pretty stoked. Should be fun times, and will definitely be a good break from reality that I am in great need of.


Other than that, life is progressing as normal.

And I am obsessed with spotify.

And I want an ice cream sundae please and thank you.

& maybe we won't feel so alone;

My work schedule has been ABSOLUTELY INSANE lately. I just got done with an entire week of late nights, followed by work Saturday AND TODAY FOR LIKE 12 HOURS. I am exhausted.

I am also really starting to freak out (but not enough to actually DO anything about it) because my time at my current job will come to an end soon, as it is a contract position. I just.. I still really have no clue what I want to do with my life.

I can name a lot of things I DON'T want to do, but I really have no idea what sort of job I would be happy with for several years in a row. I get bored easily and I hate being stuck sitting at a desk all day but I don't have the talent it takes to perform in any respect. There are a lot of things I think I would do well at.. frankly, any job I got I would be determined to do well at because I don't allow myself to fail at things.

Its just hard man.

But I am so much happier in my outside-of-work life that I almost don't give 2 shits about my job. I'm starting to just kind of have faith in myself and my future..

ALMOST.

We shall see how things go.

I am so happy with my emotional state right now though- its completely different from when I first moved here and I know that I have grown up a lot more.

When I moved here I was in a pretty uncertain emotional state. I was like uhhhh should I go back to Europe? Should I run away to California? Should I just give up? Should I just keep chasing pavements? (lol) .. But seriously. It was a rough time.

And to be perfectly honest, the MOST pivotal reason I am so much happier and sure that I am where I belong is Jenn. She is a little sunshiney precious lady of perfection. I really REALLY was in need of someone with stability in my life- someone who I knew I could count on and someone who would need to count on me. I needed a buddy. And she is just what the doctor ordered. Pretty much the most incredible roommate ever and basically one of the most incredible people I have ever met. I am amazed by her.

And not only that, she is SO emotionally supportive, generous, sweet.. just freaking perfect. And she makes me brownies. And that is pretty spectacular.


Oh hey I NEED TO THINK OF A HALLOWEEN COSTUME!!

Also I am really in a point where I am very I-don't-need-no-man if you know what I mean. I am feeling so whole and confident without even worrying about that shit. I don't want to ever get married, I am pretty much positive in saying, and I don't give half a rat's ass about trying to date or whatnot right now. I just don't want to. I don't need that.


Annnd of course I think I need to get a bit more aware of my caloric intake and loose a bit of weight. I am 100% confident in my body, but I feel like I've gained some in the last month or so... GUH. Weight. It sucks man.
I definitely don't want to start weighing myself though... it just makes me get way too hung up on numbers and to be perfectly candid, it is a bit triggering for me to weigh myself or even to try to diet consciously. If you want to know why, ask.

Soooo yeah nothing else is happening.

I get to see Stacy again on November 2!! Pretty thrilled for that.

AND THANKSGIVING IS KIND OF SOON AND IT IS MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY GUYS.

my ignorance & bliss;

IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG.

I have been both extremely busy and without internet access lately, thus the lack of posting.

1. I signed a lease.
2. My neighborhood is a bit on the sketchy side, but at lease I have a closet and live off an express train.
3. My job is pretty cool.

4. MY ROOMMATE IS PERFECT.

Like, seriously.

When I first moved here I had a few friends, but didn't/don't see them very often and they all had their own shit going on and stuff.
But then Jenn found me on facebook when she was looking for a roommate.

She is freaking perfect. Having her as a friend makes me like my life SO much better, because I finally have someone here who I can depend on for when I need someone, and I have someone to depend on me as well.

Seriously like the most kind, loving, giving, empathetic, humorous, precious, adorable and stunning person OF ALL. I cannot even deal. PERFECTION.

I need a support system around me, and I need HUMAN INTERACTION. And my lovely bff roommate is the ideal version of that.

5. STACY LONDON'S BOOK IS OUT.

I went to her book launch party on Tuesday, and her Barnes & Noble talk & signing on Wednesday. The book launch was fun. I had 3 glasses of champagne and ate lots of cheese & tootsie rolls & met someone new from twitter & hung out with Heidi. Good times. Stacy scolded my impulse buy and I petted her feathered clutch bag.

The book signing  was ok but CRAZY rushed. Like.. calm down people. But since it was my Stace-aversary she drew me a picture of Al and wrote "3rd!!!" in a heart. That was sweet. :)

I pretty much love her a lot in case you haven't noticed.

6. This weekend is my birthday and Monday I have off work and I am stoked for it all.

7. I am so self-assured lately. So confident and feeling like an awesomepants. All of the above things are contributing factors to this. I know what I bring to the party.