nevermind i'll find someone like you;

Oh hey, there is a new interface here. I feel fancy. I have just spent the last 20 minutes or so scouring the internet for Adele tickets. I love Adele. I started loving her when I heard of the song "Chasing Pavements" ... and I feel like that was like 4 years ago or something. I am a real fan of hers. I need to see her in concert. But. I cannot. The only tickets available at this point are like $150 minimum for the nose bleed section... I did find a $200 standing room one... but.. its in Atlantic City. -_- And, the last time I was in a standing room, I got a horrible illness. I'd rather not revisit that. There are more words to say but not enough time to say them.

i set fire to the rain;

For some ridiculous reason, I have been unable to sleep at night very well over the past week or so. Naps are all that give me relief. Its quite frustrating.
I am also frustrated about the fact that next week I work like... all day every day and Erin leaves the damn country next Friday. WTF SCHEDULE MAKERS. My schedule at my 2nd job has been SO chill lately... and now its getting ridic again right when I want to spend time with my buddy who is leaving the country. -_-
Not cool.

*This has been today's annoying complain-y blog entry.*

i should tell you;

I want to sing showtunes REALLY LOUD right now..
I was just jamming the hell out to Ragtime, and The Gods Love Nubia.. I miss my showtunes!

so many possibilities;

Thoughts on..
Day 1 - Love.

Love is at the core of my thoughts, actions and beliefs. I believe that God is love, and as humans we should conduct ourselves with love towards others. I also believe that love is boundless, and transcends all things that may otherwise be seen as obstacles, or differences. Love is what we all have in common, and we should use it to get to know people.

Day 2 - Confidence.

I do not think that there are enough confident people in the world. Especially in America, where we are constantly bombarded with messages and images telling us that we are not good enough- we need to be thinner, exercise more, get the best grades, be the best at sports, etc. Competition like this, or unreal expectations like these, are the key to a NON-confident society. Instead, we should be building each other up and accepting ourselves and others for who they are. I support confidence. I think we all deserve to have some of it.

Day 3 - Racism

Racism is deplorable. I have very strong feelings against it. It is a sign of ignorance and hate without cause, and it needs to stop. Thankfully, I think that the most racist American generation is dying off.. but my parents' generation grew up in the era of integration, and they still have some racist residue (in some of them obviously, not all). Generations younger than me seem to be more & more accepting, which I think is wonderful, and I have hope that racism can come to a point where it is almost obsolete. Just 50 years ago, schools were integrated. We have come a long way.

Day 4 - Our generation

Uh.. ok. I really don't know what to say about this. I think that, honestly, from looking at the people I know and know of, my generation is becoming dichotomous. On one end, there are those who are very.. self-seeking perhaps? Filled with wanderlust. On a voyage towards something.. Then there are others who are more resigned to a specific future. Ready to get a career or a spouse and live an adult life.
I don't know. My generation has seen things like 9/11... we have been in a war for a lot of our lives. We are the first generation to have had the internet as a thing in schools since we were young... its a good group I guess. I don't know. I don't think you can define a whole generation..

Day 5 - Haters

..are hateful, and that is no way to be. Lots of people try to feel better about who they are by putting down others. Its dumb. And immature.

Day 6 - Followers

On tumblr? Awesome. In life? Too scared to stand up for who they are, or perhaps too self-conscious to find out who they are, which, is a shame in either case.

Day 7 - Sex

Sex is something that can be a lot of fun, but it can also be something that carries a lot of emotional weight. It is a dangerous game, and I feel like people should hold off on partaking in it until they are 100% ready. I also feel like many people (especially women) feel ashamed of their sexual desires, and I feel like there is no shame in having a healthy sex life.

Day 8 - Best friends

..are good to have. At the end of the day, having someone who you know will listen to you or make you laugh or give you a hug is just amazing. These are the people you can tell anything to, and they do not judge at all, they just support. They are also the people who will call you out on your shit, and will give their honest opinions when asked. They are always there, they provide comfort, safety, laughter, and love. I love mine. :)

Day 9 - Wants and Needs

Uh.. I don't even know what to say about this. There are wants, and there are needs. Needs are.. well.. necessary things. I would also say that love/companionship is a need, among those things that one needs to live and stuff. Wants are nice to get satisfied, but if you have everything you want, then where do you go from there?

Day 10 - Your ex

I don't really have an ex... Like, I have never had a person I would consider a significant other. I have dated guys and stuff, but I've never had a long term, exclusive relationship. Its whatever though. I take no issue with that. That's all. lol

Day 11 - Global Warming

One of my science teachers in high school said that global warming was not a term for the slow increase in temperatures, but a slow increase in extremes in temperatures.. like colder winters and hotter summers. I see that. I am not sure what I think though really. I have not done a lot of my own research on it, but I am pro-going green. I think that is just generally a wise concept.

Day 12 - Boys

Some are hot, some are not, some are smart, others are not, some are gay and delightful, others are straight.. They can be great, or not. It depends. I have not had many close guy friends... ever. I had my bff Jacob for a while, who was the choreographer of a show I was in. I was delighted by him, and a little bit (slash maybe a lot) in love with him. We got really close and used to talk on aim like every day. He even helped my write my graduation speech! We have kind of lost touch now though, which is really sad. Because I adore that guy. I had a few other male theatre friends who I liked a lot.. Never any real bffs who were male though, except Tyler, who I do enjoy a lot! He is pretty rad. :)

Day 13 - Girls

I have always admired strong, talented women who had their lives together. I admire women in powerful/influential/leadership positions who are kickass. My best friends have always been girls. I am more easily able to read them, being one and all. I like girls.

Day 14 - Appearance

Everyone is beautiful, and they should realize it. It is important to accept one's own appearance and be confident. Self-love is legit, and really awesome.

Day 15 - Education

I think education is important, but it is not any more important than life experience. I believe that education should be freely accessible. That's really all.

Day 16 - Long distance relationships

are difficult. Even with friends! Its really hard, for me anyway, to remember that I am of value to someone when they are far away and having experiences I may never have.

Day 17 - Sexuality

is fluid. The Kinsey Scale is legit, and I believe that the world would be a better place is people loved people based on who they are and not based on gender.

Day 18 - Stereotypes

Can be funny, are based on things that have been real. But. Are not nice, a lot of the time. I try not to stereotype.

Day 19 - Plastic Surgery

Unnecessary, in most cases. But helpful for people who have had horrible accidents or things like that.

Day 20 - Your future

Sooooooo wide open. And I think that I have finally come to terms with that!! Wow. I didn't even realize I had gone through this transition until now.. I am pleased about that. But yeah. In January, I will be going to Italy for an indefinite amount of time, and then... who knows. I am working to be financially secure before I leave though, so hopefully I will at least have that cushion. But as far as where I will be and what I will be doing, no idea. :)

Day 21 - Disrespecting your parents

Is not nice. But in some situations, (like if you are seriously being rational in what you're saying and your mom or dad is just being an ass for no reason, which has happened to me more than once) it is necessary. Over all though, parents are nice people who should be respected.

Day 22 - The three main topics that are often talked about on Tumblr

Gays, Harry Potter, .. memes? idk. I love tumblr.

Day 23 - Jealousy

is a natural emotion! I get jealous semi-often, but it is always about something silly. Jealously only becomes a problem when people act out on it.

Day 24 - Guilt

another natural emotion. Guilt is worthless though.. it is just telling you that you have done something or said something that you have not reconciled yourself with. And you should act on it asap. Like, if you need to apologize- apologize. If you need to change your ways- change them.

Day 25 - Regrets

Useless. But it is really good to learn from the past. I am actually quite nostalgic at times.

Day 26 - The world

Is a hot mess, but it is also filled with beauty and endless possibilities.

Day 27 - Your parents

I like my parents. We get along much better since I've lived away from home than we did when I was a kid, living with them. It was a little rough at times back then.. But we are cool. Its legit.

Day 28 - Justin Bieber

Apathetic.

Day 29 - Make up

I enjoy wearing it. I feel like I look better with makeup on, especially eye makeup. I look rough without it. Its whatever though. I have no shame and don't really give a shit about what people think of me, so I will strut around all day (or all week) long with no makeup on and not even worry about it.

Day 30 - You.

haha. Me. Well. I am a multi-faceted person. I like who I am most of the time, but there are other times when I feel stupid and insignificant and inferior. I am filled with love, wanderlust, and I love to examine people. I am fascinated by personalities, and learning about the way people live their lives. I love television, musical theatre, travel, music... I am good at listening and giving advice, I like to think. I like to sing loud. I like fashion .. or personal style rather. I am not very memorable. I love quotes. I am too many flavors for one spoon.

je me lache;

I just woke up from a really long nap.. Probably about 3 hours I'd say..
I fell asleep soon after our friendly fix-it man, Horatio, arrived at my apartment to do something about the HOLE IN THE CEILING that has suddenly appeared in the kitchen above the fridge. Apparently it was caused by a leak in the ice maker in the apartment upstairs.. so I guess it has been leaking in there for a long time, and then slowly it just caused that square of ceiling to be weighed down/dampened enough to juts fall.

..
That was a oh so lovely thing to come home to after being at work from 4:30am to 12:30pm with no break of any kind.. -_-

Yeah.
Today was one of the most ridic catering days in the history of catering days.
BUT. We all survived. And we actually finished everything by like 11:30!! However, the credit for this goes to Angelica & Jurga mostly. Angelica is Sarai's sister, and has recently transferred to our store... today was her BIRTHDAY, yet she closed the store last night, and worked on catering prep all night long. Literally. She said she went home for 2ish hours for I guess a nap, but she was basically just there all night. God bless her. And also Jurga, who was supposed to be off today, but came in just because of the catering debacle. She worked side by side with me all day long, also without a break.
This is why I love my work family. :)

Not a whole lot else is happening. Erin and I are having fun all the time, and talking and learning and growing together daily. This summer has included a lot of self-discovery and personal growth for both of us I think. It is basically an ideal living situation, and I am very sad that it is going to end in less than a month..

But, at the same time, I am of course very happy that Erin is living her dream & going back to Paris.. and when I go to Italy I will hopefully be able to see her at least semi-regularly.

This summer has flown by, but somehow it also feels like it has gone on for years.. But I am liking this whole passage of time thing... its almost Septemper! I'm getting closer & closer to Italy every day... :)

j'ai bu l'amour;

I am currently really exhausted and finding myself completely perturbed by the fact that photobucket is not cooperating with what I want to do, and I have NO IDEA how to use damn Gimp. I am a really dumb person apparently, for not being able to fuse 2 photos together, but whatever. Its true life. My whole need to fuse these photos together is because, you see, there are so many cool body positive blogs on tumblr that people are awesome and submit pictures of themselves to and they're all like.. hey look at me I am overweight/curvy and I am hot. And I wanted to do that... SO I DID. With one photo, not fused or cropped or anything. ... But that was like almost a week ago and the picture has not been posted. I check that blog like, more than once a day to see if its there.. because frankly, I think it would be a little bit cool to have my face posted on the blog of someone who is slightly tumblr famous. But. No such luck. And its kind of making me insecure. Like, its possible that there are just so many submissions that they haven't gotten to mine yet, ... or maybe they don't accept them all because there are so many? But either way, its like.. kinda sad. Tumblr has rejected me.

And now I am weirdly relapsing into not liking the way I look. I had low self esteem all throughout my life, ever since that dumbass kid in kindergarten told me I was fat.. and then when my DOCTOR said I was fat when I was TEN YEARS OLD.. -___-
I got confident the summer before junior year when I started watching What not to Wear all the time and Stacy London taught me to love myself. And I did... and I guess I do still. I don't know. My body and I have our ups and downs. Down is where I currently am I guess.

Not much else is happening. Work, and living with Erin... I can't really complain. :)

people I would fuck;

(Inspired by the Jenna Marbles video)

David Tennant
Matt Smith
Rory (from Doctor Who)
Billie Piper
Kaley Cuoco
Johnny Galecki
Jim Parsons
Matthew Morrison
Aaron Tveit
Stephen Sondheim
Oprah
Bernadette Peters
John Stamos
Jess from Gilmore Girls
Luke from Gilmore Girls
Jennifer Aniston
Drew Barrymore
Brendan James
Andy Grammer
Lauren Graham
Logan from Gilmore Girls
Matthew Perry
Kevin James
Joel McHale
Danielle Fishel
Rider Strong
Darren Criss
Puckerman on Glee
Eric Matthews
Florent Mothe (if Erin was ok with it)
Brad Pitt
Zac Efron
James Marsden
Patrick Dempsey
Taye Diggs
Dean Pelton from Community
Zooey Deschanel
Russel Brand
Raven Symone
Ben from Secret Diary of a Call Girl
whoever the author is of I Wrote This for You

All for now.
Naptime. :)

there's a light in the darkness;

I just want to say that I think being OPEN about things is the way to go. Because the people who really love you will love you no matter what. And if you are open, people will be open with you in return. And then you get closer to people. And that is pretty sweet. :)

baby, remember me once more;

I want you to know me but I'm afraid you don't care who I am.
I want to tell you things but I'm afraid you won't support me.
I need your support and your approval.
I know you don't mean to hurt me but you do.

Anyway.
Real words.

I am starting to be more ok with my second job.. I am starting to get to know the people better and kind of know how things go now, so its better in that regard. But the epic exhaustion continues. AND the other night they kept me past 10 when I was supposed to get off at 9. I had an extension till 9:30, which was FINE.. but then I was still there when it was past 10. Not okay when I had to be awake again at 4am.
I am thankful that I have these 2 jobs though, because the extra money is super helpful. And like I said, I don't mind BEING at this other job or doing the things it requires of me. Its just a big stress with the hours I am keeping.

My Italian family is on vacation, so I haven't spoken to them since I last wrote, but I am think they'll be back in a few days so I am sure I will hear from them then. I can't wait to get the ball rolling on all this. I am stoked for January.

Also, I am in Wilmington right now. I got here yesterday and Jamie and Matthew and I got AMAZING JAPANESE FOOD for dinner, and then we went and took a very long walk in the darkness on the beach will cell phones lighting our way... and then we went to Cookout for milkshakes. It was a good time. Jamie is at work now, so I am just sitting here watching tv and interneting till she gets back.. and then I will make her take me to cool places. :)

I AM HUNGRY THOUGH and there is no food here except oatmeal. lol. Jamie will probably be here in like an hour though, and then food and activities will happen.
OH SHIT DOCTOR WHO IS ON. BLAAAH. BILLIE PIPER AND DAVID TENNANT MY HEART IS SOARING.