tell me what you feel;

This is something that was written by someone else, and that I came across on Letters I'll Never Send.. which is one of my new favorite websites.
I find it incredibly profound and beautifully well written. :)

"I feel like a Benedetti’s poem, i feel like an indie rock song, like an underground movie. So good, but so invisible. Has so much to offer, but nobody cares to see. People have seen it, people will see it but, right now it is invisible and nobody knows what you talk about when you mention them.

I feel indeed like a plastic bag, even when some people say it is impossible, i am so useful, and i am indeed a great innovation, or at least i once was, there is nothing that can replace it, not really and it still is extremely useful but people take it for granted and dispose it, even when they can make a use of it later.

I feel like a teddy bear that’s being ripped appart by a dog. You can notice it is dying, but the face looks so calm, so happy, you know it’s numb. No, i do not think i am dying, i feel numb.

I feel unimportant and relative, maybe i’m here, maybe i’m not, maybe i died yesterday and nobody told me. I don’t feel anything.

And yet, i feel like i miss you, i feel like i care for you and i feel sadness and pain when i’m around you but can’t really be with you.

What do you feel?

Do you feel the same? Do you feel worse? Do you feel numb too? Do you feel happier than ever? Do you feel my pain? Do you feel awake? Do you feel numb? Do you feel?

What do you feel?"

paying with love tonight;

So I feel like I have not blogged in a really long time. I have been incredibly busy with writing papers out the ears and working lots of hours a week... and then Magic Flute happened, which I stage managed like a CHAMP. lol. Tech week was insane. I got no sleep. And then we had shows, and now we're done.
And! I trained someone at work this weekend! It worked out fine... I think I did okay. The girl I trained seemed happy. I think she learned a lot and in time she is going to be a rockstar when it comes to the dining room, which is my hope. :)
I get to go to trainer training on Thursday, and Olivia is coming with me which will make it way more fun!!
In other news, classes end in 1.5 weeks, and then I have a few take home exams to do, and only one real in class exam, and then I will be done with school. Forever. The reality of that has yet to set in, but I am sure its going to be weird and disorienting when I'm not in class this fall.
I am so stoked about the 90s themed graduation party I'm throwing.. Also, I've decided to invite EVERYONE at work... for one reason that I will refrain from explaining here. But it is going to be super fun, I hope. I am excited about it. :D

Meanwhile, housing for summer & fall is still up in the air. BUHHH. -_-

Hopefully that will get sorted out within the next few days, or else I might blow a gasket. Not at anyone, just in general.

And Europe. Oh Europe. It is still WAYY up in the air too. I talked to Jurga about it like 4 weeks ago. Her tickets are booked for July already. And I wanted to go in May and/or early June and I have nothing planned at all. I am kind of putting off planning it because I want to have HOUSING planned first, because that is much more essential to my life. And its going to dictate what else I'll be able to afford.
Also, I'm not really sure what I want out of my Europe trip.
I want it to be something incredibly special. I want it to be a way for me to grow and experience new things in just an open, free spirited way. But I just have to translate that into something real. I don't want to rush it. I want to make it amazing for myself because I have never been out of the country and I have been waiting for something like this for so long... it just needs to be exactly what I need it to be. I want to get a lot out of it! Sigh. I just wish I were better at making those desires into reality.

In other news, here are my goals for summer:
-work 30-40 hours a week at work
-start working out for the sole purpose of strength training/toning muscles
-go swimming a lot (maybe w/ a new bathing suit)
-practice the ukulele at least every other day
-do research on career options in any area I think I might enjoy
-keep groceries in my home, and eat more healthily. Don't buy too much junk.
-keep my bedroom more organized and clean than I do now

All for now.
love to the nations.

a quote

"I mean yes, we're sinking,"
but the music is exceptional.

if i only had a life;

Here is what today has been.

Woke up at 10ish
watched some That's so Raven
went to campus
got coffee
printed my paper
went to class
went to get my hair cut only to discover that my appointment wasn't on record.. they were going to find someone who could squeeze me in but then I realized it was not going to be a FREE haircut (like it was supposed to be, which was the only reason I made the appointment).. so then I left
got home
ate a grilled cheese and some cookies
watched some That's so Raven
napped
watched some That's so Raven
ate a pancake
watched some That's so Raven
called Raven-Symone's message service thing (there's a phone number on her twitter where you can call & leave her messages) and played her my ukulele mashup
watched some That's so Raven
...and now I am about to shower
watched some That's so Raven
and go to bed.

I have to be at work at 5am tomorrow.

And then after work, you guessed it, I will watch some That's so Raven.

I have no life.