far from the best of humanity

I'm feeling kind of sad and lonely right now and there is really no reason for this sudden development.
So in order to try & amend this, I am eating a pimento cheese sandwich and looking at photos of David Tennant & Matt Smith on tumblr.

Perhaps I am sad because I have been yet again parted from my dear Erin Ruth Maness, or perhaps it is because I am slightly worried about my life at the moment, namely due to not having a job after applying for about 20. Gah. I don't know. Maybe I am just being weird because I am exhausted and there is a bruise on my hip bone and I have cramps.

Life is weird.
If you asked me a year ago, or even 6 months ago, what I would be thinking and feeling and doing at this point in my life, I would never had predicted this.

bah. Let's distract me with Doctor Who quotes, shall we?

The Doctor: You’ll die.
Octavian: I will die in the knowledge that my courage did not desert me at the end. For that I thank God and bless the path that takes you to safety.
The Doctor: I wish I’d known you better.
Octavian: I think, sir, you know me at my best.

mmm yes that is GOOD STUFF.

Ok. I don't know why I typed any of this at all but at this point its simply foolish for me to be awake.
Goodnight.

there ain't no sense in love

GAH.

That word accurately describes my life right now.
My classes have like.. a weirdly large amount of work that come along with them, which is poop considering the fact that they both seemed really simple-ish at the beginning. mrf.

Anyway, I have spent the past 7ish hours working on homework and job applications. Neither of which are going well.

I love cooking.

I love that I have an amazing bff such as Erin Ruth Maness who I can text about nothing in particular at any given moment when I am stressed or frustrated and end up getting inadvertently cheered up by having a fantastic conversation about nothing in particular. <3

"This is the place that you all made together so that you could find one another. The most important part of your life was the time that you spent with these people. That's why all of you are here. Nobody does it alone.. You needed all of them and they needed you." -Lost

you steal away the rain & just like that;

First of all, I would like to report that my first week of summer school 2010 has been successfully completed.
Secondly, I am DONE with Lisa Whelchel's book. And it was great. I now have a lot better perspective into seeing who she is and where she is coming from in what she says and does. She is awesome. And! The book has all these really fun questions in the back that I would love to have answers to from ALL my friends.. and I might actually answer them and post the answers on here because its all just like.. fun fact type stuff.. and I like doing survey questions.

And I am pumped for tomorrow.. I am cooking what is hopefully going to be a BALLER meal. Say your prayers kids. This is going to be a toughie.

uhmm.
yeah.
I really don't have a lot to say but I was in the mood to blog.
I want people to formspring me because I'm in a typing mood.


buhhh I'm sleepy.

there's no one here to save

Summer classes are not too bad so far.
I am taking AD/PR research in which we are learning a lot about twitter, which clearly I have quite a bit of prior knowledge about. So that's not too bad.
And then I'm also taking a class on the effects of technology/the internet on self & society. Also not too bad.

Lots of annoying readings and stuff though.
The classes are SO LONG during summer school as well.. it makes me get antsy.. or just really sleepy and the professors (even if they are really good) lose my attention. I'm a theatre person. It takes extra effort to reach me.

In other news, I am obsessed with the song "King of Anything" by Sara Bareilles. That woman knows how to write 'em, lemme tell ya.

Oh, and I can cook. Who would've thought it?! lol. Definitely not my father...
Haven't done a lot so far, but my arroz con pollo yesterday was a step in the right direction. :)

I am reading Lisa Whelchel's newest book- "Friendship for Grownups- what I missed & learned along the way." It is really great of course- her writing style is very talky and I like that about her. She is a wise woman, but I am having trouble seeing myself in the situations she is describing, or rather, I can't really distinguish which of the situations she is describing apply to me.. its weird. Usually I am better at this, but perhaps it will become clearer as the book continues. Let's just say, also, that Miss Lisa is a lot more wounded and raw in real life than she portrays herself to be. Kind of a cool realization to face, but on the other hand it just makes me see even clearer what masks she wears.
Its good stuff.

I have some thoughts brewing, but I'm not sure how to state them at the moment.

"so many thing's I'd say if only I were able
but I just keep quiet
& watch the cars that pass by..."

what a day;

Today has been ridiculous.
I spent the night at my love Erin's house in Burlington after taking her home fron school, and woke up cuddling at 10am to the sound of my alarm. Well, needless to say we both fell immediately back to sleep and then my mother called at about 11... which, I am glad she did or else I'm sure we would have just kept sleeping. Anyway, we woke up and Erin looked up directions back to Fayetteville and drew a dalek on them and then I was on my way.
I stopped at a gas station in an extremely redneck town in which the power went off as I was about to buy a Cheerwine and everyone was up in arms about it, even though it was fixed within like 30 seconds. Got gas. Left.
And ok, I'll be honest, I was really pressed for time. I was driving faster than I should have- definitely not within the range of dangerously fast AT ALL. I am one of the most cautious drivers I know- I NEVER take my eyes off the road for more than ONE SECOND. Anyway, there was basically no one on the highway either so I had no one to look out for.. And then when I came upon someone who was going the speed limit I would usually pass them because I was going a consistent 9ish over. (And the speed limit was only 55. wtf.) So, nevertheless, I was about to pass someone about halfway through my trip and then out of nowhere a cop is behind me with his lights on. I was terrified- I have never been pulled over before and really didn't think I deserved to be since when the asshole pulled me over I was going PASSING speed and was literally about to get back in the right lane and slow back down. It was nonsense. So of course the bastard ticketed me and of course I was like freaking out and had no idea what to say to get myself out of it.. so now I have to pay this fine.
I REALLY think he took advantage of my seeing as how I was a girl, young, alone, no witnesses, aka no one to help my word stand up against his. It really pisses me off. I feel like he should be looking for people who are driving dangerously and not people who are passing someone with stinky exhaust. GAHHH.
I should have made up a sob story or said I had to poop or something.. or cried.. or had on nicer clothes or something. But sadly, I was not clever enough for any of this.

Oh well.
Shit happens.
Life goes on.

Also, this makes me happy to know that I will NOT have a car when I move to NYC... one more year and I am done with paying for gas, and checking my oil.. and my parents will no longer have to pay for my insurance which I'm sure will be a huge relief to them.

Anyway, I got home and mother went with me to my hair appointment.. my hair was uncontrollably long and now it is SHOULDER LENGTH again unexpectedly. My plan was to just get like 4 or so inches off and do some cute layers, but I didn't have anything too specific in mind. The hairdresser suggested we just take off about 8 inches to donate to Locks of Love so I did that. And now I have redeemed myself within society and my hair is much more manageable.

Then I came home and was about to go with my father to the T-Mobile place because my phone was broken.. but as I was blindly digging around in my bookbag for my earring container thingy, I felt something poke and/or scrape my finger, took my hand out to discover that my finger was GUSHING blood. (Oh, and this is simultaneous to when I was brushing my teeth, so I had a tooth brush in one hand and the other was slowly being covered in blood running down my finger.) So I washed it off- which did NO good because the blood was coming out so fast- and then quickly spit out the tooth paste and such and had to have my dad put 2 bandaids on it since my hands were tied. I was applying pressure to it with tissue and blood was still pouring out.. But then we immediately had to go to the cell phone place and my finger was bleeding the ENTIRE time. (I think it bled for about 2 hours in total... it was a really deep gash.)
So anyway, at the cell phone place my father had decided to be in an unreasonably bad mood and be totally rude to the very cordial employees, so he handed me his card and just let me handle it. But I got a new phone! And it has a keyboard! And this is all so exciting & new to me & I love it.
I texted Erin about it immediately. :)

I have spent the rest of the day watching I Love Lucy and being on the internet and napping... Oh, and Betty White hosted SNL and it was AWESOME! Especially because Ana Gasteyer was on!!! :D (She is my ALL TIME FAVORITE SNL cast member. She has been off the show for a few years now but has not changed at all.) Tina Fey & Amy Poehler & MOLLY SHANNON were also there. It was awesome.

Now it is almost 2am... I think I will hang out online for a little while longer, and then read some of Lisa Whelchel's newest book- which is great so far (its about friendship and making meaningful/lasting connections with people)- and then fall asleep.

Tomorrow its back to Chapel Hill, unpacking, and then friends are coming over to watch Doctor Who!!

Also, I alrealy really miss everyone from my dorm. It will be really weird not hearing Mozart l'Opera Rock constantly and not being able to wander down a hall and see so many faces that I can stop and talk to. But I am sure that I will enjoy living off campus. And I am so thankful for the time I had in the dorms- especially this year. There is no other dorm like it, I must say.
I will really miss my dear roommate, who put up with so much crap from me all year, and so many messes and stress and late hours and late mornings... She deserves a medal for putting up with me. It will be weird not having her around... =/
And KATHERINE. gah.
And Anna and those cute little Asians and RA Becca... so many people who I have gotten so used to seeing every day and who I will most likely not see a lot anymore..
And of course Erin.
Erin who has become one of my closest, best friends, who now has plans to live in NYC with me after we graduate, who I cannot imagine my life without. I miss her NOW and I was just in her presence this morning. I don't know how I will deal with not seeing her next year while she is in Paris. Heck, I don't even know how I'm going to deal with only seeing her on weekends (for the most part) this summer!! Knowing that we are going to live together in just a little over a year will be the main thing getting me through... also, facebook, lj, twitter, skype and aim. All very good things that allow people to not lose touch. I like these things. :)

"I never stopped loving you, because I never stopped breathing." (good quote, eh?)

I just need to remind myself that God has a plan. He has got this covered. I just need to slow down, take it one day at a time, and live for Him.
Hello summer.
Hello summer school.

goodnight my loves, God bless you.

by the time you'll read this, i'll be fine.

That's what it feels like when you touch me. Like millions of tiny universes being born and then dying in the space between your finger and my skin. Sometimes I forget.
-IWTFY

I like that quote.
Also, this is my last day as a dorm-dwelling college student.
Moving off campus is quite a fiasco.
Also, my room is a hot mess, and now I am playing nanny to a skeleton named Edwob. :)

ahh exam time.

let the self-loathing begin.